Will we get back together?

[Slipperyslope2]

Hi folks! Im really needing some advice from you guys. Ive been on some threads and there is a lot of helpful stuff.

Right so basically me and my girlfriend of 19 months split up last week. I came downstairs on the saturday morning and thought she was being off with me. I asked her what was up and she then told me she wanted to break up! I was gob smacked as i was not expecting this. Wrongly i got upset and mildly angry. Told her to leave and take all jer things blah blah blah.

She told me later that day the reason was because she felt suffocated. The problem with us was we done everything too quick. Withing two weeks of us seeing eachother she literally moved in with me and my dog and since that time we hadnt spent one night apart. We hated seeing our friends and family. We were only content in our own company. I know this can lead to relationship problems as its just been proved by myself.

We were both as bad as each other. Neither of us stopped each other doing anything and we would occasionaly go see her friends/my friends and our families but that was the problem, we done it together always. We would bicker due to the fact we were pretty much joined at the hip and would progress to actual arguments. There was never any physical/psychologcal abuse from either of us just heated arguments. We couldnt stay mad at each other so always made up relatively quickly.

We spoke all the time about marriage and kids and how she thought i was going to be an amazing father. We showered each other with gifts, love and affection. The love was strong.

In our time together we have had a holiday abroad, 2 city breaks, 2 caravan holidays, 3 romantic getaways. We have many photos and all of our social media was full of each other. We cooked together, shared house work, split bills, walked our dog!

We spoke all day at work most days as we both have slow moving office jobs, so it was too easy.

So she broke up on the saturday and messaged me on the sunday to say she was sorry and she missed me so so much. We met that day and sort of sorted things out as i was a little skeptical given what happened the previous day. All was fine on sunday but on monday morning we had a big fall out and she left again and i have not seen her since.

Ive spoke to her best friend who informs me she just feels suffocated and needs space right now. She is currently back staying at her family home. She got her dad to drop off all my tools that were stored in the garage at her parents. And all her stuff is gone from my house.

So basically we spent too much time together and i came to a head i reckon?

She messaged me the following saturday saying sorry she hasnt been in contact but its too painful at the moment and said that sometime soon we can discuss options. I messaged her on the sunday asking for her to come over for supper one night of her choice. So she said tuesday and i told her i was going to cook. 2 hours later she sends me a big message sayin that the thought of seeing me just now is giving her anxiety and she thinks it was just upset her as she is not ready to see me yet and needs time to be alone. I obviously got upset and told her she was cruel and playing with my emotions and i didnt want to hear from her again. Since then she has blocked me on social media except instagram and twitter (but i am unfollowed)

On her facebook profile she still has all the photo albums of all our holidays and us with the dog etc. She has only deleted the profile pics. She even still has the photo of our dog as her cover photo on twitter.

Whats doea this mean? Will she ever come back? Is she just taking time?

Before me she was quite social etc and maybe she is just feeling a little suffocated? As previously said , this is not my doing as she admitted herself. She said she still lovea me immensely and cares for me but needs to be alone. She also said that she is far from moving on?

Any girls out there able to let me in on what she is thinking? Or even any guys that have been through this?

I sent her an email last night (wasnt sure if she blocked my number ) but thats the last im going to contact her. Its been a week since we split but only yesterday was the official NC.

Will NC work? I can 100% assure you that the love we felt was real and i cant imagine she will not be feeling this?

Will she get back with me after some breathing space? Like i say it was perfect and this just came out of nowhere.

Any help is appreciated folks!

Sorry for rambling, im just trying to get as much info in as poss.

[Dahl]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

 

 

My suggestion is that you look into therapy of some kind - not specifically for you or her, but for the two of you to consider engaging for the relationship. Often there are seminars and other activities and events designed to help the couple sort and strengthen a relationship that sounds, from your post, to be essentially positive and certainly potentially salvageable. You seem to have a good bead on the issues, or at the least their likely sources, and a positive attitude toward working on them.

 

I suspect that you are both overwhelmed and have each reached a saturation point in how to deal with problems in the relationship, but I see nothing glaring in your account that leads me to say that I do not think you two can or should get back together.

 

Give her respectful time and space as you have been and look into structured intervention and ways to better your communication.

 

Good luck to you both.

[Wiseman2]

After 19 mos why did she suddenly now "feel suffocated"? What else was happening with you or her? Did either of you recently want more commitment than the other?

[Pretzel]

Sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you have finally gone NC. No good will come of you trying to arrange to meet so soon after she's asked for space. Even if she did come over for supper, it's too soon after your recent conflicts to try to patch things up; you shouldn't be chasing her at this point. You should be listening to her need for space and using this time wisely to reflect on the negatives in your relationship, and what you can do to fix it, if it is fixable, and take time out for yourself, just like she is doing. Look after yourself.

As the old cliche goes: when you love someone, set them free and if they come back to you they are yours and if they don't it was never meant to be.

 

Don't beat yourself up about 'what if's'. It's time to take advantage of this time alone to work on yourself. Don't think of it is as a waiting period. Look at the benefits within this opportunity and take advantage of it. That is also much more attractive to her if you meet again- to say you've thought about XYZ rationally and what you can do, or you've done XYZ to better yourself, or taken up a new hobby. As opposed to....you asked for space so i've been wallowing in sadness and waiting for you. That is never a good look.

 

Based on your history and what you've said it is likely that she'll come back, but don't analyse her social media activity as a means of looking for clues. Everyone acts differently online. I wouldn't be worrying about that or reading into it. The point is, you guys were adopting an unhealthy pattern of arguing and she probably felt that something drastic needed to happen to put an end to it and she just wanted to get away and cool off. Maybe you need to regroup before you meet again. Bottom line though: Stop contacting her. You need to show her what life is like without you