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My partner thinks she's a bad mother! Help!!


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My girlfriend thinks she's a bad mum!

She has 2 boys with 2 different fathers, recently when the boys have been brought home after being with their dads they have caused a scene saying they don't want to Come home, this has understandably upset my partner and now she's thinking she's doing something wrong as a mother and that her boys don't want to live with her, Iv tried to reassure her by saying that they love her, that she is a good mother etc but nothing is convincing her otherwise,

Iv seen her with the kids and she is a great mum, she spends time with them, they always have everything that they need and they are well looked after.


Can someone please give some advice on how I can make her see that she isn't a bad mum at all. Or if there's something she can do! She's really upset about it!

Any advice will be greatly appreciated! Thank you

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How long have you been dating? Do you live together? She needs family therapy with her kids and a better custody/visitation arrangement with the fathers. This is a matter between the fathers and her and better communication with them and her kids.


The best you can do is stay out of it and tell her to get family therapy if she can't recognize the effects of custody arrangements on her own kids and learn how to explain and soothe them.

after being with their dads they have caused a scene saying they don't want to Come home.
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I don't think there is a lot you can do other than reassure her that you think she's a great mum. I would also advise her to maybe seek some family therapy or some sort of remediation with the fathers of her children. It sounds like there may be some potential alienation going on or disagreements that a professional needs to help them sort through.

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It's very nice of you to want to be supportive. Would she agree to a session or two with a family counselor? maybe they could reassure her she's doing well. Or a support group of a kind. If the fathers are difficult, or using the children against her purposefully, perhaps she could get advice on how to handle it from social services as well.


Hope she calms down. Do you have a relationship with the kids? has either of you asked the children why they didn't want to come home?


if there's no conflict with the dads, i think it's like Seraphim said. They had a fun time and are reluctant to come home like the kids who don't want to leave a ball pit. If they're traingled by their fathers, then that she could use some advice on.

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Maybe she is. Maybe their fathers spoil them. Maybe a weekend simply isn't enough time with their fathers. Maybe they've got friends they like better over there. Personally, I was never a big fan of visiting my dad despite the perks. I liked being at home and with my friends. But of course every situation is different.


Point is it could be any reason under the sun. It's not your job to reinforce her pride as a mother. And if she's got cause to question any of her parenting methods, that's on her to reflect on or seek counseling for. You're entering no-win territory here. Be supportive in ways that don't include offering insight into her parenting life.

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All moms feel like they are doing a bad job at some point. Not sure how old the boys are, but every young kid of divorced parents that I know (not saying all), usually take turns telling the kid how crazy the other parent is. It's sad really. If she is making a wonderful home, then sometimes it just takes time. I mean, are you new to them as well? That could make them say stuff too. And you could be awesome, but working through adjustments and changes for a kid can move at glacial paces.

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