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Long term relationship obstacles!

Weeping Ash

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Hi, I am new to the forum, please don't hate me for my post.


Me and my girlfriend have been on and off for 8 years, we met in college everthing was great for 6 months, I lost my virginity to her, she asked why I hadn't slept with anyone as I had lots of girlfriends prior, she then told me about the people she had slept with and I was extremely jealous, I became abusive which I admit was wrong and accept all blame.


I eventually got professional help with this and the jealously and abusiveness was cured and we had a great relationship again. We had the occasional ups and downs until one night we fell out and I ended up in bed with her mum's best friend. She found us, luckily nothing happened despite us having clothes off.


She tried to kill herself and I saved her and ended up fighting 4 men who were saying stuff to her that same night.


After a while of begging she gave me a last chance, things eventually went great again. She became pregnant and we had our home and were both really happy. After the baby was born she developed severe depression and began to be abusive to me. Claiming that everything was my fault.


I tried for a long time to make things right but she had a hatred towards me everyday telling me that I am a cheating ***** it got that bad I would remain silent and let her shout for hours on end, eventually I had to leave as it was affecting the child.


A month later she was really upset and asked us to get back together but I said no we are over as all the crap I put you through and vice versa.


7 months later we had sex multiple times, I still love her to bits and I thought she felt the same.


After a year of breaking up her best friend tried it on with me and I told her and we started talking again and made love and everything seemed perfect but she told me she met someone else on the Internet and wanted to meet them and developed feelings for them as she needed affection.


This has caused us to not speak now as I feel tge jealously I had 7 years ago and fought so hard to get rid off to come back, I have remained single and turned down sex from a female since we split as I am unable to show interest in anyone but her.


She claims the online person didn't want to meet up with her and she wanted to meet them and lots of rude photos were sent. We have not spoke since and I don't know what to do. In our year apart I wrote her a book about our love but feel as if she wouldn't have stayed if she loved me. She even made me make her the new online profile as she got banned.


She has been violent too but not as bad as me, she lost me my job and uses me as taxi and money but I still love her.


Any advice please as not sleeping or eating.


The anger is 100 percent gone

The jealously dissappeared but after finding that out made it come back a little.

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not sleeping or eating


How long have you not been sleeping or eating?


It sounds like you are in limbo right now -- not in a relationship, but still providing friendship & support. I think you need to move away from her or towards a relationship. Being stuck in the middle is hell.


It's hard for two people to create new patterns once they have established a toxic way of being together. If she agrees to get back together with you, you're going to have a lot of issues to work through.

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It's time for the two of you to sit down, if you both really want it to work OR to really fully let each other go, and see a 3rd person as a mediator. Yes, counseling.


You both need that outside voice, because there is so much dark water under both your bridges that neither of you can sort this on your own. You need help, ask her if she's willing to go to therapy and save the relationship. If she is then go and persist. If she's not then maybe it's time to call it a day and realize you both made mistakes, and sometimes those things just get so tangled up that neither of you can get clear of it.


It's all I can tell you to do, because on your own I don't think you both have the tools to fix it. By the way, I hope she got help for her depression, which sounds post partum and can really have a huge effect on a woman. Body's depleted, no sleep, high stress levels, it all makes being a new mom extra tough, and that's not an easy job to begin with.


So yes, she needs help on that front healthwise. And you both need to see someone who can help be the calming voice in the storm.

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