My grieving fiance is pushing me away.

[Viola Naomi]

My fiance and I were dating for 10 months, when he found out his brother was sick. We had the most perfect 10 months, we were so in love, it was magical.

His brother had AIDS and had shut everyone out of his life. He planned to die alone, but his friend went to see him and told My him and his other brother that they needed to get him. He went and his brother was close to death, but he felt he could save him. He packed all his belongings and moved him accross country, into their childhood home. He put him in the best hospital in the area, and 7 days later he died. It has been almost 2 years since his brother passed away. I have been by his side helping him.

In October he asked me to marry him, we do not live together, I spend every night there unless he is working graves. 2 weeks ago he started getting very distant, now he will text and call briefly, but he does not want me around. He says he wants to be alone, but he goes out around other people.

His health has suffered, he drinks a lot, he has developed arthritis, and severe bouts of gout, I know this is because of his emotions.

We have a trip planned in 30 days, and we are planning to move, and get married in a year. I am so scared that I am going to lose the love of my life, and my best friend.

I have been reading about grief and they all advise me to leave him alone, and he will come around when he can. I know the only thing that will make him feel better is for his brother to come back. He is sad because he only has his older brother now, no parents. Please help

[Wiseman2]

Most alcoholics isolate themselves, except for drinking buddies.

 

You can research if that's the main problem with his lack of coping skills and related health problems : Social Drinking vs. Problem

He says he wants to be alone, but he goes out around other people. he drinks a lot, he has

[Marisof]

Hi! I'm going through the same. My boyfriend of three years and I had already planned our future together. He always told me that I was considered family. He was my best friend and I really thought we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together. However, six months ago her mother was diagnosed with cancer. And a few day ago she passed away. I was there with him the whole process trying to be supportive and helping in everything I could. The week after his mother died, he told me he no longer felt anything about me and that we better broke up. He said he did used to care and love me, but with his mother death he no longer could feel anything. It hurt me a lot because he only shut me off, he still hang out with his friends and laughs with every other person. He seems to be "normal" with everyone except with me. This broke my heart and at the beginning I felt it was personal, like he never really cared about me, or that he never even loved me.

 

But after reading about it, it seems that is a common behavior, and I tried to see things through his eyes. I've never lost anyone so close to me, so I don't really know how he feels. All we can do in this moment is step aside and respect. I know you want to help him in the process, but grieving is personal and makes you feel like you're alone in the world because nobody feels the way you do. We should move on and maybe in the future he will contact you, maybe not. It's better not to hang around because it only hurts more. If he is ready someday maybe you can work it out, but the process can be so long, taking months or years. Always remember this is not personal, you did anything wrong, you loved him and you were supporting. You did everything right so don't blame yourself. Be strong. Also imagine, if you feel like this over a brake up, knowing that there will always be hope, imagine how would it feel losing someone so close for ever, with no chance to even talk or anything. That's how he must be feeling. Be strong

There are some other posts in this forum that can help you, I tried posting some but apparently I'm not allowed to post URLs.

I hope you're doing well!