31 and never been on my own because of my mother.

[Jibralta]

Yes I could honestly say it's not me. I worked hard to gain my independence and provide for myself, but I can't grow any further as an adult because I still have to worry about her.

 

Perhaps that was the case before, but now you have come to a point where you know that you are being manipulated. So if you continue to put up with it past this point, it's on you.

[itsallgrand]

Yes I could honestly say it's not me. I worked hard to gain my independence and provide for myself, but I can't grow any further as an adult because I still have to worry about her.

 

You can grow and worry about her at the same time. Caring and a sense of obligation are very different. You can care and not impose a sense of obligation on yourself - this would allow you to give only when you truly want to. Own your own choices to provide for a grown woman who could be out providing for herself. If you didn't do that, and let her manage her own responsibilities, what is it you fear will happen? Why do you feel responsible for her?

 

A different way to think about it is that by providing for her what she could herself, you are crippling her. It's not healthy for her either to be so dependent on others , not while she is capable.

 

Even when my mom was very ill, she did not expect to be taken care of. We did because we wanted to, and it was so hard on her to lose parts of her independence she had before ( able to go to work, to take care of her home, to do things for herself).

 

She couldn't extend to you that gift of showing you by example the joys of independence, but you can show her. You can lead by example.