boyfriends mom is controlling and boyfriend has took his mom side

[vanity]

as of today i am 8months pregnant.

my boyfriend mom has been loving but shes starting to take over everything and the baby isnt even born yet. im afraid that i would have her sons child and he would no longer have any say so because he lets his mom control everything, he says he just want to make everyone happy but some times you have to make your self happy as well.

but any who, ive stated many times i did not want to have a baby shower, his mom ignores me and says "hush girl, let someone do something nice for you some times." so because its his mom i try not to go back and forth with her.

i let her talk about this shower but i will stop her all the time and tell her i really dont want to have a shower and then again she tells me "i thought we already went over this before." i tell her even though we talked about this she isnt listening to me and she will say "it will be fun, you dont have to pay for anything, just enjoy your pregnancy and shower."

a couple of days ago she came to me and asked me what kind of decorations would i like? and to pick out the accessories/decorations... but i feel if youre throwing a shower for some one, DONT make them pick all the decorations, while you stuff your face with food, ESPECIALLY if the person never wanted the shower in the first place.

i stayed up all night looking for things online with no ones help. my boyfriend and i spoke plenty of times about the baby shower i didnt want and he said "babe its just a one time thing, if mom wants to do it, let her do it." so now im just doing what would makes his mom happy.

his mom went out for swim suits and she called my phone and asked did i want her to get me a swim suit and i said no, its bad enough im having a shower i dont want to have so just let me pick my own swim wear out this lady had a nerve to tell me "you always complaining, but i will let you pick it out if thats what you want to do."

his mom comes to see me and she said "you can do the finger food!" im like i dont even want to have a shower so why should i have to do anything? and she says "if you get your taxes before the baby showers date, you can help out with the stuff."

you guys now this was the time that i became FIRM and straight foward...

i began to tell her I DONT WANT TO HAVE THE SHOWER AND I FEEL LIKE SHES FORCING ME TO DO SOMETHING I CONTINUED TO TELL HER I DONT WANT TO DO. his mom told me "forcing you is making you do something you dont want to do" i told her thats exactly what shes doing.

so she walks away from me, then comes back and says "everyone called off of work and the shower is 2weeks away" i told her if those people knew i didnt want to have a shower they would have never called off or anything.

so shes very upset with me, she waited till she seen her son (my boyfriend) to talk to him about me, which i knew she was gonna do. My boyfriend comes and ask me why dont i wanna have the shower anymore and i told him, i NEVER wanted the shower, his mom wanted it and i was just going along to make her happy, i was never happy about doing this and he knows i didnt want to do this just as well as he knew.

my boyfriend tells me im being a little rude and disrespectful so im like hold up, hold up. just because she runs over you doesnt mean shes going to do it to me. My no is no and thats final. i also told his mom that he didnt even care about having the baby shower, she just forced it. i mean she asked him did he want one and he said "it doesnt matter, what ever makes her happy." but if im the pregnant one shouldnt it be whatever makes me happy??????

i hate that, thats his favorite response to her every time she ask him something. LIKE WHEN IS HE GONNA SAY NO SOMETIMES. he did not have my back when she was talking to him about me and when he came to talk to me, he made me feel like he just wanted me to do what she say and just stop being complicated.

his mom is always in our business and i enjoy my privacy.

every time im on the phone she would stand near me or him to hear.

she has told me numerous of times in different ways her son dropped of school to be with her and hes not moving out but when i speak to him about buying a house he always include his mom on having the extra room.

his mom has talked about buying a bassinet for my baby to stay with her and she has also talked about buying her own stroller and car seat and baby bag as if my child is going to just be with her and im not the mom.

right now i left my boyfriend because things has gotten a little heated and im feeling alone because hes my babies father and im starting to see that hes a mothers boy and anything mommy says is right, so how could you raise a child if youre still one your self in my eyes my boyfriend has no spine when it comes to his mom. i expected him to tell her "if my girlfriend doesnt want to do something mom, dont force her." and it just feel as if he turned his back on me, when i went packing my bag he didnt even say "why are you leaving, or lets talk." he said not one word and i havent spoke to him at all since i left home last night or at all today..

HELP ME SOMEBODY

[boltnrun]

Didn't you post this already?

 

Do you not feel you got good advice?

[Wiseman2]

Where are you staying? With your parents? Maybe it's a good idea to chill out there for a while.

my boyfriend tells me im being a little rude and disrespectful i left my boyfriend because things has gotten a little heated

[vanity]

Didn't you post this already?

 

Do you not feel you got good advice?

 

no this is my first time posting this.

this is about the baby shower, perhaps i may have added the same informstion because everyone was asking crazy questions so i wanted to add a little bit more so eveyone can get an unerstanding. in my previous post i mentioned his money and everyone was so focused on my saying something about his money that no one payed attention to my main problem

[vanity]

Where are you staying? With your parents? Maybe it's a good idea to chill out there for a while.

 

my parents passed when i was younger, my grandmother left her belongings to me and i finally came back to my real home

[Almira23]

you should have your boyfriend read this post.

its like a foreshadowing of what is going to happen in your relationship.

 

[Silverbirch]

I think you should have just gone along with the baby shower. It's not just about YOU - it's for the baby. It's also maybe about you developing friendships. Sorry, I think you have been mean and disrespectful. If having a baby shower is the biggest gripe you can have, you are behaving like a sulky spoilt brat.

 

How old are you?

[Silverbirch]

you should have your boyfriend read this post.

its like a foreshadowing of what is going to happen in your relationship.

]

 

I can't see the similarities. How are they alike?

[Silverbirch]

When you have the baby, see how exhausting and isolating it can be, to have someone who will take your baby for a bit and dote over your baby would be great - you are only seeing the negative.

[Almira23]

I can't see the similarities. How are they alike?

 

Read her previous post

[vanity]

you should have your boyfriend read this post.

its like a foreshadowing of what is going to happen in your relationship.

]

 

wow.. thats so deep!

i hope he doesnt wait until its too late like this guy

[vanity]

is that the only part you read because i had a bigger statement sweety.

[Jp1001]

I do believe you've made the right choice to part ways just like I how I understand that she needs her space as well. If your boyfriend does fix himself to the point where you think he isn't going to fall to his mother wants and needs that's when maybe you can decided to having him back. I always believe in second chances no matter what has happened.

[melancholy123]

I guess you must have a fair bit of money if you dont want a baby shower. Babies cost a lot of money and if people are willing to bring you gifts for the baby, why would you make such a big fuss about this? I think you sound like a spoiled brat, to be honest. You should be glad someone is trying to organize this shower in order to help you out.

[vanity]

OMG are you reading anythinggg????????

the guy didnt stand up to his mom for his girlfriend. the guys mom called the girl a bad name and he didnt say anything!

and my boyfriend mom says little things as well that bothers me and he doesnt say anything when shes being in our business too much THATS THE COMPARISON.

take your time and read, whats the oint of having a blog when you dont try to understand people situation? most of you guys on here just read to judge people. i understand yall want to voice yall opinions but if you have nothing to say dont be an a hole and ruin a person spirit because youre unsure of your self

[boltnrun]

My own mother got to be a bit, shall we say, overbearing when I had my first child. She thought I knew nothing about caring for a newborn (true) so I needed her to take over (not true). I finally told her "He's mine and I need to learn to take care of him". She took offense, but she got my point.

 

I get that you've spoken firmly and that you feel you don't have support from your boyfriend. So you have two choices: remove yourself from the household permanently (or at least until your boyfriend decides he wants to be a family man with you), or return to the household and realize that you will not have full say so over your boyfriend's life and your child.

 

But remember, if you choose to stay firm it's not right for you to accept or ask for help from his mother. If you cut her off, most likely it will be permanent. So no opportunities to ask her to watch the baby while you two go to dinner or a movie, for example. You'll have to figure it all out on your own.

 

PS: And please don't call other posters obscene names. They actually are trying to help, believe it or not.

[vanity]

i dont want to have a shower because i have no friends or family, WHO WILL I INVITE??

plus my boyfriend and i shopped for the baby already and she has so much stuff. i dont want anyone spending their money on something no ones going o come to.

o and my boyfriend only have 1 friend. his mom plans to have the shower at a beach that is so far, and if i did have friends NOT EVERYONE HAS CARS.

while i was looking at decorations and pricing everything, lets just say i spent $400 in imaginary money just on balloons, renting a spot on the beach, plates etc, games for the shower. and dont you think those $400 can just be something to start off her life insurance or something more important.

[vanity]

but if its something i dont want to do, why should i let someone drag me into doing something i dont want to do ?

this is an on going situation, its not just about the shower, its about everything thats been going on these past months. its like i cant even say the word NO anymore or hes upset because im saying no to his mom...

[mustlovedogs]

You get so angry on a forum (in response to very reasonable points, I might add).

 

Your reactions have me very honestly concerned for your baby. Yelling or hitting a child is abusive. I know you know that, but I promise you - guarantee it - that your baby will be 1000x more frustrating and angering than we are.

 

Get your anger in check. We may not be "listening" as well as you want. But what do you think the next 18 years will be like?

 

The world is about to stop revolving around you, sweetie.

 

And you'll have to start doing a LOT that you don't want to do.

[boltnrun]

So you're willing to cut her off 100%? And never be able to ask her to watch the baby while you work or anything? Because that is what will happen.

 

Do you have someone who can babysit while you and your boyfriend work to support the child?

[vanity]

your point ?

[vanity]

yes i believe in 2nd chances as well.

i just wanted to express myself some where and some how, i just didnt know ill be judged so badly by doing so.

its so hard getting him to understand me when it has anything to do with his mother.

[mustlovedogs]

your point ?

 

Is this in reference to my response?

[vanity]

im seeing everyones trying to help but some times i feel that everyones targeting me for some odd reason.

thanks for your response, i needed it a lot

[HeartGoesOn]

vanity...Please be respectful towards other members, otherwise this thread will be closed.