I cheated on my wife and now she is pregnant

[MacyYcam]

Your post is incredibly judgemental. This man is beating himself up enough with your "non-constructive" criticism. He knows he screwed up major. You don't know where he is emotionally and you should be embarrassed by thinking you have the right to pile on top of what he already has.

[Capttrae]

I'm going to you straight and I imagine you've already figured it out. You are so screwed dude. You made your choice now you have to pay the fiddler. Best case scenario your wife sticks around and you only have to pay child support on one child, and seeing as how the baby is your child she accepts this and you have a part raising said child, although not likley. 2nd best scenario, you marry the woman you knocked up and pay child support on your 2 daughters that's a possibility. Worst case scenario, both women tell you to get bent, you pay child support on 3 kids and alimony to your ex wife, live in a shoebox apartment for the next long while. Whichever the outcome is you have the responsibility to support all 3 kids and be a dad to all of them.

[Hollyj]

Your post is incredibly judgemental. This man is beating himself up enough with your "non-constructive" criticism. He knows he screwed up major. You don't know where he is emotionally and you should be embarrassed by thinking you have the right to pile on top of what he already has.

 

Oh please. Get over it! He didn't bother to use birth control, and so he also could have brought home a disease to the wife he loves so much.

 

He did not give a moments thought how this would affect his kids, wife or new baby! Self serving all the way!

 

He also had the nerve to try to blame her and tell us what a great guy he is for providing for his family.

 

I would not have been so hard if he had left out the first two paragraphs.

[Abby01]

You need to face the problem.. Its already there and telling your wife about it is the only option. Good luck.

[Unreasonable]

Well, interestingly enough, this same thing happened to my dad (not the whole making excuses stuff, but he had a kid with mistress, my half sister).

 

My mom found out about the affair, and then I guess later, after we moved away (I suspect to get away from the other woman), the other woman told my dad her daughter was his, and my mom found out about it by intercepting a letter. I can tell you, without a doubt, that this was the closest my parents ever came to divorce, and let me tell you something, my mom is a FREAKING SAINT from a highly religious background that frowns on divorce. Good luck getting through this, you're going to need it.

 

They never told me or my half-sister about it. 42 years later my half-sister found out about it after her non-biological father died, and ended up contacting my dad last year. All hell broke loose again because my mom didn't think she'd ever have to deal with this again. DO NOT GO THAT ROUTE. Tell your wife, do NOT blame her for her imaginary cheating, and I highly advise not keeping this a deep dark family secret, should you stay together. I highly resent my dad for not only cheating, but hiding my sister from me.

[Jibralta]

Well, interestingly enough, this same thing happened to my dad (not the whole making excuses stuff, but he had a kid with mistress, my half sister).

 

My mom found out about the affair, and then I guess later, after we moved away (I suspect to get away from the other woman), the other woman told my dad her daughter was his, and my mom found out about it by intercepting a letter. I can tell you, without a doubt, that this was the closest my parents ever came to divorce, and let me tell you something, my mom is a FREAKING SAINT from a highly religious background that frowns on divorce. Good luck getting through this, you're going to need it.

 

They never told me or my half-sister about it. 42 years later my half-sister found out about it after her non-biological father died, and ended up contacting my dad last year. All hell broke loose again because my mom didn't think she'd ever have to deal with this again. DO NOT GO THAT ROUTE. Tell your wife, do NOT blame her for her imaginary cheating, and I highly advise not keeping this a deep dark family secret, should you stay together. I highly resent my dad for not only cheating, but hiding my sister from me.

 

Yikes, that's awful!

 

I actually had a friend who went through something similar, except slightly more complex: He started dating the daughter of his parents' close friend, only to find out that she was his half-sister.

[abitbroken]

You know you talk about your wife wanting to own over rent and you got a condo - that's not cowtowing to "anything she wanted" - that's called providing for your family. Upgrading to a house is provide stability to your family so they can live in peaceful enjoyment and not speak in hushed tones because of the people upstairs. Its not like your wife wanted diamond necklaces and a Ferrari. Wanting to own the roof over your head, have children, having a pet for the children are reasonable wants in a marriage. I mean - come on - how expensive is it to take care of frogs? Unless you meant dogs? you really need to switch up your perspective on this one!

 

I think you should have confessed to your wife before you got the WOMAN pregnant - she is not a "girl at the office" - she apparently is a grown woman. You definitely need to tell her now and you also need to have a conversation with the mother of your new baby. Being as it may, you have a new mouth to help feed. If she has not approached you about signing your rights away now, she is not going to do it. So you best get used to it and tell your wife because when joint finances are going out to diapers and miscellaneous grocery payments, she will figure something is up.

 

And btw, a college girl talking to a male classmate is not necessarily cheating - its having friends and she has been faithful to you throughout the marriage. So do not even try to make this revenge. You are a grownup and now you have to face the consequences. The least of your problems are if your wife will give you a second chance. The big problem is all of your children and how this will affect them

[Unreasonable]

Keep us updated OP.

[spinderella]

I would be super upset if you took me to a marriage counselor and told me this information in front of a complete stranger. Like, nuclear upset.

 

Whatever you do, don't tell her the piece about "I was thinking you may have cheated on me 20 years ago when I justified my actions" - that will only tick her off more IMO. You know you have to own up to it, and you know it's gonna be ugly - not sure this blow can be softened. I might just get some ducks in a row, like a place to stay for a while to let her process this. She may not realize she needs it, but when you're dealing with a bomb like this, staying in each others' faces all day can be super destructive.

 

Not the same situation, but when I faced finding out my partner had cheated, the main thing I wish I had done was to take some major space for a while.

[Unreasonable]

I would be super upset if you took me to a marriage counselor and told me this information in front of a complete stranger. Like, nuclear upset.

I agree. I think you should investigate counselling with your wife, if she is at all interested in keeping the marriage together. To dump that on her at the first appointment looks like you're trying to hide behind the counselor to temper out her reaction when she finds out. She needs to be able to let out her full emotions when it happens, imo.

[Salty]

I wonder if his wife killed him... jk OP must be very busy with the new baby. Lol what a mess!