I cheated on my wife and now she is pregnant

[tonypr24]

Hi

As the title says, i cheated on my wife and now the girl is pregnant. Ive been with my wife for 22 years since i was 18 and she was 16. We have been married for 11 years now and we have 2 girls, 10 years and 9 years old.

Ever since we have been together i have tried to give my everything. I mean everything, even if i couldn't afford it i would find the way to do it. She wanted to own a place, i went out and bought a condo. She wanted a house i went and bought her a house, she wanted kids we had 2 beautiful girls, she wanted animals i went out and got her 2 fogs even tho i didn't want them. Whatever i did for her was never enough. She always wanted more and always comparing us with what her friends had. She was always criticizing what we had compared to what others had. I remember laying in bed and fantasizing about making her happy and picturing myself surprising her with stuff.

 

Years before we had a house when she was

sgoing thru college i was working all day, and i used to run home after work and cook dinner and try to time it so when she walked thru the door the fiod was ready, but she would be late or tell me she had to stay late in school. I found out she had a male friend she was always hanging around with in college. They would go out drinking and go out with other people and they would bring their girlfriends and boyfriends but i was never invited. I started to think she was cheating on me and because i couldn't prove it i just stayed with her. So years later here i am trying to make her happy with everything that i could knowing in the back of my head that she probably cheated on me while she was going thru college and i was supporting her and paying for everything while she was out partying. I finally snapped and started to think for myself, no more trying to make her happy, no more anything.

 

I started to see someone at work and i got her pregnant. I was so scared when i found out, i was looking for advice and most people told me not to tell her yet..to wait 3 months to see if the girl would keep the baby. 3 months came and went i was so afraid to tell he. Now she is 8months pregnant and i haven't had the courage to tell her. I love my wife and kids i don't know what to do. I promised myself i would tell her next Wednesday and im scared.

I am not looking for sympathy here since i know what i did. I guess im looking for any advice or anyone who has had a similar story.

Anything will help

 

Thank u

[Liraele]

What is the girl who you got pregnant asking of you?

 

I'm surprised SHE has kept quiet for 8 months.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Make an appointment with a marriage therapist and tell your wife there because all hell will break loose. Do it now before your gf comes knocking on the door with her bundle of joy.

Now she is 8months pregnant and i haven't had the courage to tell her.

[hyden]

Ever since we have been together i have tried to give my everything...

 

No matter what sacrifices you think you have made for your family, focuses on excuses isnt going to help you. Honestly, with the other woman being 8 months pregnant, not much is going to help you.

 

Prepare yourself for likely divorce as well as child support for the new child.

 

I would tell your wife immediately so you two can begin to sort things out before the baby arrives. Do you plan to be an active father to the new child?

[JaggerJim]

What a mess. Unfortunately all you can do is tell your wife and prepare for the consequences. The truth has to be told.

[hyden]

Also, Wiseman...I just did some loose math. You have averaged about 50 posts per day, everyday to have 17,716 posts since April 2016. I find that astounding...lol.

[Birdie]

Are you still seeing/in a relationship with the girl at work?

 

Needless to say you handled this poorly...but you seem aware of that.

 

I'd encourage you to make an appointment with a lawyer to discuss what to expect re: child support for both women and so you know your rights if your wife leaves.

 

Please please please make sure there are supports in place for your children. This will be devastating to them...so sad.

[boltnrun]

You will need to sit down with your wife and confess. Then you need to work out a budget. You will need to pay child support for the new child and also support your existing family. Most likely your wife will be eligible for spousal support if she chooses to divorce you. You will have to pay for a divorce attorney for you and for your wife, and possibly an attorney for your work girlfriend to set a formal visitation and support order.

 

All of this could have been avoided by purchasing a $5 box of condoms, but that ship sailed 8 months ago.

[reinventmyself]

Yes, you are looking for sympathy or you wouldn't have dedicated 3/4 of your story to how badly you think you were treated and how even though you have no proof your wife may? have cheated several years ago..

 

Now that you set the stage to your benefit you want advise on how to drop this bomb on your family. You justified taking a lover instead of leaving your terrible, cheating wife that you love?

 

Sorry, what was your question?

[tonypr24]

I am not looking for sympathy or making excuses. I did what i did and i will face the consequences. I was looking for advice hoping frim someone who might have gone thru it or heard of someone going thru it. Honestly even if i got sympathy from you it wouldn't change anything for me. I still have to face it . Also the reason why i told you about what i did for her before we were married and before we had kids was to give you an idea of the kind of relationship we had. if im going to tell you what i did then im going to tell you why i did it.. I have made an appt with her therapist who i told already and i am planning on telling her there.

[Almira23]

I do agree with wiseman. I wouldn't tell her this while you are alone at home with the children.

Considering the circumstances, I wouldn't be surprised if your wife decided to pursue a divorce. I would look into some divorce attorneys just in case and see what your options are when it comes to the property and the finances that the both of you own.

Since you have cheated, no matter how much you have sacrificed for your family, I could see some judges ruling heavily against you.

 

Are you going to be in this child's life or are you signing away your parental rights?

[tonypr24]

Birdie

Thank you, yes i have planned professional support for my kids

[tonypr24]

Yes i do plan on being a father to the child. I am not currently involved with the mom even tho we do see each other at work and talk but we are not together. I have told her that i will be responsible and take care of my kid

[HeartGoesOn]

What's done is done, yet I find it sad how many lives will be turned upside down as a result of this choice. It goes to show that the easy way out has its own consequences.

 

In short, I hope this child is well cared for and lives a happy life.

[RainyCoast]

I promised myself i would tell her next Wednesday and im scared.

what do you fear will come out of it? and what would be your preferred outcome?

[Dahl]

what do you fear will come out of it? and what would be your preferred outcome?

 

I'm very curious about this, as well.

[Wiseman2]

Good questions.

what do you fear will come out of it?

]

[tonypr24]

What I hope is a she would give me a second chance but I also know that I'm asking a lot.

[vanity]

wow, this is a tough one.

but i just got an answer from my grandmother and she said you should tell your wife.

and although you mention your wife has done things in school, she never got pregnant by other guys.

you cant blame the past of your wife but what you could blame is doing things and not being happy or getting a happy reaction.

you just wanted to feel warm and a happy feeling from a woman again and you got more than that! just take your time with telling her because after this she'll never trust you again

[Dahl]

Good questions.

]

 

Better gif!

 

OP, also, if I may ask, how is communication between the two of you, in general?

[RainyCoast]

What I hope is a she would give me a second chance but I also know that I'm asking a lot.

you'd be surprised how often the 17th chance is given. but you are right, it is realistic to expect she wouldn't give you a second chance. what would happen if you didn't get one?

 

also, pardon the personal question- how was sex during that time when you were providing for everything, and afterwards?

 

and did you say you contacted "her" therapist? has she been in therapy for a while?

[SnowFox]

here is a forum dedicated to people who have cheated on their partners - might be a good resource for you, OP -

[boltnrun]

Did you break up with your office girlfriend after she told you she was pregnant?

 

Were you hoping she'd choose to get an abortion? Is that why you mentioned the "three month" time frame?

[Hollyj]

I think it is really disgraceful how you try to excuse your behavior! So what, if you provided the things you did. This is what a provider does. Would you like a medal?

 

It is also find it disgusting at how you try to villainize her, to make yourself look better.

 

I hope she takes you to the cleaners!!!! There is no way that you love your wife!

 

Stop being so selfish and do better by your kids, as your actions will scar them for life. Hopefully, your girls do not end up with men like you!

[randomer2000]

It really depends on what the pregnant girl wants from you? You definitely should be honest with your wife though, not for her but for your family and mainly your kids! Im worried for your little girls.

 

Whether or not she felt what you did was enough, you really should have thought about your girls before doing this, they are your real loves, not your wife.