Strange Guilt as the Dumpee.

[Hds2014]

Hey guys, I've recently started NC and I've seen a common theme on this site is the increasing guilt some of us feel as the dumpee as time goes on. I find myself falling into this mindset from time to time during my healing process.

 

What are your thoughts on leaving reconciliation totally up to the dumper?

 

I know rationally I should be able to understand that this is what NEEDS to happen for it to ever be sincere and for there to be any potential from there on out but the longer I focus on my own self and changing for the better, the more I start to feel a sting of guilt and anxiety for doing what I'm doing. Maybe I'm so obsessed with the idea of "fate" or "soulmates" that I just don't want to do something that could screw up my path. (Not reaching out, feeling like maybe NC is hurting them, etc) It's also upsetting to still care so much about how the ex feels when I shouldn't.

 

Do you guys believe that if reconciliation is really what the dumper wants, they will contact you and put in the work no matter what? I just feel as though some of us have such stubborn exes that we feel even if there is a chance, they may not contact us at all due to embarrassment, fear, etc...

 

I guess overall I'd like some tips on how to stay focused on myself but to also have some faith that things will work out how they're supposed to as long as I'm doing good. I know by the looks of this my head isn't in the right place but I'm stuck in a rut today.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but fate intervened already and you broke up. So what you see now is how it should be and your real soulmate is around the corner but you can't see it yet.

I'm so obsessed with the idea of "fate" or "soulmates" that I just don't want to do something that could screw up my path. I guess overall I'd like some tips on how to stay focused on myself but to also have some faith that things will work out how they're supposed to as long as I'm doing good.

[Hds2014]

Sorry to hear this but fate intervened already and you broke up. So what you see now is how it should be and your real soulmate is around the corner but you can't see it yet.

That actually took a lot of weight off my shoulders after reading. Thanks.

[J Miracle]

As long as you've left lines of communication open, your ex should be able to push through any embarrassment or fear, if their desire for reconciliation is strong. Dont count on it.

[Jeffbobo]

Sorry to hear this but fate intervened already and you broke up. So what you see now is how it should be and your real soulmate is around the corner but you can't see it yet.

 

I like to think of it in the plural sense...

 

Soulmate(s)

[Hds2014]

I like to think of it in the plural sense...

 

Soulmate(s)

this. I'm trying to look at it this way too as I have friends I consider soul mates who are helping me through this. I also still have my ex on a pedestal so I'm sure over time I'll be less obsessed with the whole fate thing in regards to her.

[randomer2000]

Things just happened to go that way, there is nothing you can do about it or nothing you should feel bad about. Let faith take its course and you will eventually find the right person for you.