My First Real Love is getting deployed...

[kiah]

Okay, so a year ago I started dating someone. (We'll call him B) B & I met over tinder & The first night we met was the first time we had sex and I regretted it. I was so scared that he was going to think I was a hoe and leave me but he didnt. Instead in the morning he cooked me breakfast. (OH I FORGOT TO SAY I USE TO STAY ON THE ARMY BASE WITH HIM) Anyways fast fowarding he use to always tell me he doesnt fall in love or get attached fast. Of course I said the samething (but I lied) cause I get attacthed really fast! But he end up saying I love you first. Actually not I love you he said, "im in love with you." Which made me sooooo happy! After that every weekend I stayed with him. FRIDAY-SUNDAY. Trust me our relationship was FAR from prefect but no matter what happened we worked things out. I never felt this away about someone. We knew eventually he had to leave but we never talked about it cause he always got upset. He asked his people if they could extend his time here but unfortunately they said, "no we need you in germany." So one day he calls me and this is how the conversation goes.

 

B: so we need to talk about me leaving.

 

Me: Okay... what about it (not ready to have this conversation)

 

B: like what do you want to do? Its up to you. Like if you want to stay together until my leaving date or break up (we dont do long distance and 3 years is a long time)

 

Me: (holding back tears) I mean we can break up now

 

B: dont be a d*** about it

 

Me: okay lets stay together. Im sorry im not use to this!

 

B: im not use to this either. Usually when I leave im not emotional attached to the person so I usually just leave without saying anything to the person but I was going to do that to you.

 

Anyways we ended up deciding to stay together... then we got off the phone and I started crying. Im not use to expressing my feelings over the phone SO I text him how I was feeling which was a lot and he hates when I do that cause I was just on the phone with him. Anyways that made him feel some type of way so he ignored me for about 2 days. Then on saturday he text me

 

B: Is it too late for you to come over?

 

Me: No what time do you want me to come?

 

B: idc

B: no nvm im not ready

 

Me: if you arent ready now you'll never be

 

B: you won't understand

 

(KIND OF GOT UPSET SO AFTER MINTUTES GOING OFF)

 

B: its time we stop talking. Im sorry I text you im changing my number today.

 

WHEN I SAY I WENT CRAZY I CALLED AND TEXT HIM LIKE 100 TIMES!!

 

& I havent talked to him since then. I was already depressed but that made it even worse. I thought about harming myself BUT NOT cause of him. I go through alot and have been suffering with depression for a while and he made everything better when I was with him so when he left all of it came back at once. I refuse to hurt myself and have people thinking I took my life because of him.

At this point IDK what to do. I cry everyday. Im not sure if he changed his number but it doesnt matter since im blocked. Im also blocked on facebook & skype (I think)

I have no idea what to do!

[Seraphim]

I think you have to understand he is gone and that it is over. He changed his number and blocked you, yes? I know it is hard. You have to understand the military life is hard frought with a high divorce rate because guys and gals are gone all the time. I am a military spouse of several decades.

 

But if he blocked you everywhere and changed his number I think you just need to heal and move on .

[Wolfshook]

This seems like "pet and slap" technique,which he either does because he enjoys seeing people suffer,or wants to put you aside for when he gets a chance to visit home.

 

"have been suffering with depression for a while and he made everything better when I was with him " , you have to understand that you shouldnt let others be your source of happyness, it puts too much burden on them and you will never be truely happy.

[Silverbirch]

Hey, I read a post today in the journal section. This lady was writing about her partner who is in the armed services. He had told her that there is very often a lot of self-sabotaging and relationship sabotaging that goes on just before people are deployed because they are already not coping with the forced separation. I think you should go see him. Be honest, and decide whether you want to go with him or what you want to do.

[Andrina]

I'd say it's best not to make a major decision like being exclusive with someone you don't even know, especially when he won't even be around for the next 3 years. It's probably better he pulled the plug so you didn't invest any of your precious emotional energy into a high risk.

 

Take this as a life lesson learned. I'd avoid meeting up with anyone who won't stay local. LDRs are hard enough for established couples. For new couples, forget it. Another lesson--chemistry can lower willpower. Don't meet at each others homes until you feel good about being intimate. Meet out in public for at least the first 3 dates. It's a good way to weed out players who won't have the patience to wait and you'll see if a guy really wants to get to know you instead of the sole goal of bedding you. Take care.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you are not honest with yourself or others. Don't pretend you are cool with things then explode like this. Stop the drama and manipulating with " thought about harming yourself".

 

If you honestly think you are depressed what do your psychiatrist, doctor and therapist think about that? Learn now how to regulate and express your emotions in a healthy way. Are you living at home with your parents? Are you in high school, college or do you work?

 

Continue no contact and block/delete him from everything as well. Ask your mom and dad to take you to a doctor.

WHEN I SAY I WENT CRAZY I CALLED AND TEXT HIM LIKE 100 TIMES!! I thought about harming myself BUT NOT cause of him. I go through alot and have been suffering with depression for a while and he made everything better when I was with him. Im not sure if he changed his number but it doesnt matter since im blocked. Im also blocked on facebook & skype

[No1]

first thing is first... Accept that its over. You two met on a hook up app, you two hooked up and now he is leaving. He is not emotionally invested in you. He doesnt want to have or be in a relationship with you. Understand that he is going to meet A LOT of girls in the next 4 years and is not going to be devoted to you.

 

There are several issues going on here, but one of them is that you say its your "Frist" love. And yes, our firsts hurt but that doesnt mean he is the best you are ever going to be with. You will meet a lot of guys and there will be a guy out there who will make you happy. But its not going to be this one because he is gone.

 

Accept the current situation. Its over. Then you can begin to heal. Delete every text, every message, every email, everything about him that you have you delete or get rid of. Any promises he made, anything regarding your future together must be thrown out the window because it no longer matters.

 

You are going to be okay. There are better guys out there.