My Ex who ignored me for 3 months, drunk dialed me.

[EclipseTheWitc]

Hi all,

So the backstory between my ex fiance and I is long to type out again so if you want to know, read one of my other posts. Long story short my ex suddenly broke up witb me out of nowhere, and I mean literally begging me to stay and when I eventually did leave (only to go home not to fully end things) he said hed find a way to make it work and hed call me later. I never got that call.

I got a text an hour later saying basically we werent healthy for each other blah blah I will always love you blah blah. Complete shock and mystery to everyone.

Anywho, the coward did it all via text and refused to answer the phone or see me. The next day, he blocks me off every form of communication and social media apart from facebook itself (he blocked me on messenger) but he deleted me as a freind.

He kept text messaging open but i barely tried after he blocked me.

He then becomes a bit of an a**hole.

He adds my ex's ex girlfreind on fb (doesnt k ow her and knows how much i dislike her (she pretended to be my best freind and then got with my 3 year bf right after we split)) he is writing everywhere how happy he is and how his life is so much better now and he has new adventures to look forward to (a day after we break up he starts doing this).

Basically I was shocked by how horrible his behaviour was, we were engaged and only a day before he was begging me to stay and telling me he loved me more than his own family.

So its been 3 months and he was difficult. I had to ask for my belonging back about 4 times as he would reply (4 days later) and then dissapear again or just be mean and rude. He stood me up twice to get my things, he even agreed to talk with me at one point but again said he "forgot" he was meeting me (ouch i was your fiance). Hes now blocked me from text message aswell, no idea why as I only spoke to him about getting my things.

Weve had no communication for a month, i cant contact him even if i wanted to. But. Friday at 1am i hear my phone going off, i thought it was my alarm and I looked over after 30 seconds or so to wake up and it stopped. It was a missed call from him. Not once has he initiated contact in the 3 months weve been broken up, in fact he avoided or ignored it.

He never called again and still has me blocked on everything. I just dont get why. I want to know why he called. I believe he was most likely drunk. I just wish I knew. I wont try to contact him but if any of you guys have any experiance with this then that would help. I just want understanding of all this crazy behaviour.

[HedgehogParty]

I have two thoughts...

 

First, and I'm just tossing this out there, but are you familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder? If not, maybe look into it and see if you think it relates to your situation with him. I'm not a therapist by any means, but the way you describe his behavior reminds me heavily of it.

 

Secondly, fight that temptation to wonder why he called. IMO it's likely that he was drunk and his emotions got the best of him and he called to reconcile. My advice then would be to not pursue it. I was in a similar situation with my ex last year after she left me abruptly for three months. On Valentine's Day she gave me the drunk call, I ignored. A couple of days later I texted her telling her to get her stuff. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were dating again which lasted up until this past Christmas. 50% of the time I was happier than I'd ever been with her and the other 50% I was miserable (this comes full circle to my Borderline Personality Disorder reference above).

 

If you think you'd cave and take him back, don't call him. If you feel you're strong enough to stand your ground, then by all means open up that communication. Either way, get off that roller coaster. Take care.

[Billie28]

The guy is immature and doesn't know how to conduct an adult relationship.

 

Perhaps something reminded him of you while he was drunk and for a split second he thought it was a good idea to call you.

Or he had been seeing someone and it ended. That's often when people drunk dial their ex.

Or it's possible it was a pocket dial?

Or a jealous girl he is seeing got into his phone?

 

No one here can tell you why he called and no matter how many ideas are suggested you will never know which one to be true. So don't wonder. It's a waste of time and energy.

 

From your previous posts, it seems you got engaged during the honeymoon phase, before truly getting to know one another. And it created a sort of false committment to each other. That's why you lasted some time after the honeymoon phase passed , it was added unnecessary pressure. You guys had very poor communication which is detrimental to a relationship. If there was no engagement, you likely would have split earlier.

 

I suggest whatever you aren't blocked on, to block him.

[rich46]

I just want understanding of all this crazy behaviour.

You will never get it, so I suggest you stop trying. Sooner the better.

 

I know you had to contact him to get your belongings, but really, this is yet another classic example of why 100% no contact is recommended immediately post-break up. The person you thought you knew better than anyone else in the world can appear to change in an instant, and watching this 'new' person go about his business will drive you crazy.

 

As far as this call goes, I would ignore it as his behaviour has been so erratic of late, and I can't imagine it is worth anything of note.

[EclipseTheWitc]

I have two thoughts...

 

First, and I'm just tossing this out there, but are you familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder? If not, maybe look into it and see if you think it relates to your situation with him. I'm not a therapist by any means, but the way you describe his behavior reminds me heavily of it.

 

Secondly, fight that temptation to wonder why he called. IMO it's likely that he was drunk and his emotions got the best of him and he called to reconcile. My advice then would be to not pursue it. I was in a similar situation with my ex last year after she left me abruptly for three months. On Valentine's Day she gave me the drunk call, I ignored. A couple of days later I texted her telling her to get her stuff. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were dating again which lasted up until this past Christmas. 50% of the time I was happier than I'd ever been with her and the other 50% I was miserable (this comes full circle to my Borderline Personality Disorder reference above).

 

If you think you'd cave and take him back, don't call him. If you feel you're strong enough to stand your ground, then by all means open up that communication. Either way, get off that roller coaster. Take care.

 

Thanks for the reply.

Yes after the break up I did suspect something of the sort, but im not entirely sure.

That probably was the case and yes yourr right. I dont think i coulf forgive him for what hes put me through, no matter how strongly I feel for him.

I feel like it's all games with him since he break up and i was doing really well when we stopped the contact completely, but this has taken me two steps back

Thank you for the advice, if he tries again i may consider seeing what he wants just to close the book if not ill leave it as it is.

[EclipseTheWitc]

The guy is immature and doesn't know how to conduct an adult relationship.

 

Perhaps something reminded him of you while he was drunk and for a split second he thought it was a good idea to call you.

Or he had been seeing someone and it ended. That's often when people drunk dial their ex.

Or it's possible it was a pocket dial?

Or a jealous girl he is seeing got into his phone?

 

No one here can tell you why he called and no matter how many ideas are suggested you will never know which one to be true. So don't wonder. It's a waste of time and energy.

 

From your previous posts, it seems you got engaged during the honeymoon phase, before truly getting to know one another. And it created a sort of false committment to each other. That's why you lasted some time after the honeymoon phase passed , it was added unnecessary pressure. You guys had very poor communication which is detrimental to a relationship. If there was no engagement, you likely would have split earlier.

 

I suggest whatever you aren't blocked on, to block him.

 

Yes possibly, I did feel a real connection with him so its hard to ignore but ill try. Yes it could be a number of things, i doubt it was a pocked dial though as that would be a tiny chance his phone landed on my name and we havent spoken recently so I would be even less likely to accidently call. Yes, i agree multiple times i though of calling off the engagement to take off the pressure but he was so persistant about it and would get very upset at the suggestion. Ill never truly understand what happened because he never let me have closure or an explanation but youre right, I should just let it go and pass it off as I didnt truly know him. Thank you for the reply

[EclipseTheWitc]

You will never get it, so I suggest you stop trying. Sooner the better.

 

I know you had to contact him to get your belongings, but really, this is yet another classic example of why 100% no contact is recommended immediately post-break up. The person you thought you knew better than anyone else in the world can appear to change in an instant, and watching this 'new' person go about his business will drive you crazy.

 

As far as this call goes, I would ignore it as his behaviour has been so erratic of late, and I can't imagine it is worth anything of note.

 

Youre right. Thats the worst part about, its like hes there but its not him, i can see his personality but its tainted with this new cocky cruel side to it. Yes thats true, I was happy to leave the situation until I was strong enough to hear the truth and until he grew out of this childish state of mind. I guess ill have to close the unfinished book myself. Thanks for your reply

[luisannalui]

Hahaha, I see that It looks like after three month they do come back or show sign of living.

My ex did the same thing to me. Ended the relationship with so lame excuse and blaming me for everything (later I was told she wanted to be single and meet other people)

 

Actually, my ex drunk dialed me this past Monday. She was drinking and we have a mutual friend, well actually, my "Best friend" who kept talking to her after I asked her to stop. Well, long story short, she told my friend she was going to call to "bother me" I didn't pick up. The next day she told my friend "Oh my, what did I did by calling her! (regretting it or feeling embarrassed) And she said " oh she now taking pride and ignoring me because she lost weight" .

I didn't ask her why she called. But as my friend told her " When we call someone when we are drunk, its because we wanted to do it sober" Than she told my friend that "even death, she won't ever call me sober"

 

I recommend you don't put too much mind on it. Ex's do weird things.

[luisannalui]

Oh another thing, if an ex want to talk to me don't talk to me when you are drunk. I'm not one baby sitter anymore to take care of hangovers. Hence, my ex didn't even "work" when drunk, total mess.

[rich46]

Youre right. Thats the worst part about, its like hes there but its not him, i can see his personality but its tainted with this new cocky cruel side to it.

This new "cocky, cruel" side to him is just a facade. Probably a defense mechanism kicking in post-break up. Seems pretty common for a dumper to do this.

 

He has clearly got a lot of mixed emotions swirling around inside of him, and it's like he is trying to convince himself that he's done the right thing, yet whenever he has contact with you it stirs up feelings of, I would guess, guilt at hurting you. Hence why he broke up via messages, won't reply or makes excuses about you collecting your stuff, etc etc. Pretty cowardly, but like I say, many dumpers simply do not or cannot face up to the ex that they have hurt, and so either turn nasty (defense mechanism), ignore completely (defense mechanism), or run away (defense mechanism).

 

After a certain amount of NC time (months) has passed, then their defenses may be lowered somewhat and they may feel brave enough to check in. This is probably what happened here, aided by alcohol. However, this checking in is more often than not just a way for them to appease their guilt, and make them feel better. After all, nobody likes being the bad guy, especially to someone they loved.

 

I am quite stubborn though, hence why I find it relatively easy to maintain NC - no way am I letting the dumper have the satisfaction of appeasing their guilty conscience!

 

So in conclusion: ignore.

[Wiseman2]

Agree, it sounds like a drunk dial or dialed by mistake. Clearly it wasn't to ask to meet up and talk about reconciliation, even if that is what you are hoping.

 

The best way to heal and move forward is to block and delete him from all messaging and social media to avoid this unwanted tech error stuff..

he blocks me off every form of communication and social media. Hes now blocked me from text message aswell. i cant contact him even if i wanted to. Friday at 1am i hear my phone going off. It was a missed call from him. He never called again and still has me blocked on everything.

[SooSad33]

Sounds like HE is acting way outta wack!

 

Keep moving forward... now that you see this side of him.. is this how you want your life? No.

 

Don't react at all to anything anymore. Let him deal with this **** his way. Do NOT play his games.

 

Soon I think you'll see you dodged a bullet and there was no successful future with this dude.

 

I had a guy lead me on for so long.. then backed off. 2 months later, contacted me again.. and I was tempted.. then said NO... and shot him down for it.

Never contacted me again. ( He has many emotional, unstable issue's.. I don't need).

[shiner501]

You will never get it, so I suggest you stop trying. Sooner the better.

 

I know you had to contact him to get your belongings, but really, this is yet another classic example of why 100% no contact is recommended immediately post-break up. The person you thought you knew better than anyone else in the world can appear to change in an instant, and watching this 'new' person go about his business will drive you crazy.

^^^This. I agree 100%.

[randomer2000]

Most likely a drunk dial or a moment of desperation. If he hasn't acted on it yet then I believe you should just let it go and try your best to move on. It sucks that he has blocked you on everything too, but I believe that is for the best so that you can't contact him even in your moments of weaknesses.

 

article has a few good things to read when ti comes to him blocking you, but I really recommend you just drop it and try your best to move on.

[EclipseTheWitc]

Hahaha, I see that It looks like after three month they do come back or show sign of living.

My ex did the same thing to me. Ended the relationship with so lame excuse and blaming me for everything (later I was told she wanted to be single and meet other people)

 

Actually, my ex drunk dialed me this past Monday. She was drinking and we have a mutual friend, well actually, my "Best friend" who kept talking to her after I asked her to stop. Well, long story short, she told my friend she was going to call to "bother me" I didn't pick up. The next day she told my friend "Oh my, what did I did by calling her! (regretting it or feeling embarrassed) And she said " oh she now taking pride and ignoring me because she lost weight" .

I didn't ask her why she called. But as my friend told her " When we call someone when we are drunk, its because we wanted to do it sober" Than she told my friend that "even death, she won't ever call me sober"

 

I recommend you don't put too much mind on it. Ex's do weird things.

 

Wow sounds messy. Yeah they are strange, i dont see why people cant just be honest. Thank you for the reply

[EclipseTheWitc]

Sounds like HE is acting way outta wack!

 

Keep moving forward... now that you see this side of him.. is this how you want your life? No.

 

Don't react at all to anything anymore. Let him deal with this **** his way. Do NOT play his games.

 

Soon I think you'll see you dodged a bullet and there was no successful future with this dude.

 

I had a guy lead me on for so long.. then backed off. 2 months later, contacted me again.. and I was tempted.. then said NO... and shot him down for it.

Never contacted me again. ( He has many emotional, unstable issue's.. I don't need).

 

Yeah youre right. I try to remeber all the **** hes put me through and that helps to keep a positive mind and to move on.

Yeah, im sure in the future this will all seem irrelevant and ill have moved on completely. I want to just be how he has been, easily just move on. Guess I have a bigger heart. Thank yu for the reply

[luisannalui]

Any updates?