I don't know how to deal with this

[Dankman98]

Hi, posted a few days ago about my cheating ex gf. I've found out after 2 months they are in a relationship. It's torn me apart.. all the progress I thought I was making has come undone. I feel so expendable and hopeless. I can't sleep or eat and I cannot stop thinking about them together. Not proud, but I have had suicidal thoughts.. don't think I'd ever do anything but the pain is just so much. I just don't know what to do.

[Clio]

What she did is no reflection of your value. You could be the best person in the world and still have that happened. It was all about her being a cheater and the relationship not being right for either of you, not you. However, checking what she was up to was a huge mistake. Your mind will now attack you with all kinds of misconceptions. You need to stop attaching your self-esteem to her actions. Nothing she does is about you. You need to be patient. The pain will subside. One step at a time. Reach out to friends and try to keep busy. Don't believe the stories your mind is making up. What she does has nothing to do with you. Your mind can be your worst enemy at times like this which is why it's best to seek out healthy distractions such as working out, going out with friends, walking the dog, volunteering, helping out others etc. Keep moving. It WILL get better.

[junebug123]

Yeah, you made a big emotional investment. Now it's just to slowly pull back and let things unwind.

 

Im sure that in time this feeling will fade and someone or something else will replace that time, energy and focus.

 

For now it's best if you work your hardest on trying to move on and forget about this person who betrayed you. There's no need to be reactive and focus on something you can't control like your ex, instead try to be proactive and focus on things currently happening in your life.

[Wolfshook]

What she did is no reflection of your value. You could be the best person in the world and still have that happened. It was all about her being a cheater and the relationship not being right for either of you, not you. However, checking what she was up to was a huge mistake. Your mind will now attack you with all kinds of misconceptions. You need to stop attaching your self-esteem to her actions. Nothing she does is about you. You need to be patient. The pain will subside. One step at a time. Reach out to friends and try to keep busy. Don't believe the stories your mind is making up. What she does has nothing to do with you. Your mind can be your worst enemy at times like this which is why it's best to seek out healthy distractions such as working out, going out with friends, walking the dog, volunteering, helping out others etc. Keep moving. It WILL get better.

 

I totally agree with this. The other day I was watching a show where guy told his story being married with a girl that had some mental illness. Anyway,things she did to him were horrible,if she werent suicidal from time to time,she'd never get diagnosed and guy would probably have quite some time thinking there is something wrong with him.

Now, I'm not saying your ex has mental problems,just her doing horrible things to you doesnt mean it's your fault.

[Andrina]

Just know that it's normal to have setbacks. I know I did when a guy who had dumped me texted me four months later. I made it clear I didn't want to talk to him again, and after that, he never did. Whenever one finds out about a cheater, I think God or fate makes sure you find out so that you don't waste anymore time on that person. It was a crappy thing to happen to you. I'm sorry. It's never about the one who is cheated on. A person who cheated has other classier options, like actually working on the relationship together, or breaking up if all of the stops have been pulled out without success. The cheater has poor ethics.

 

As for suicidal thoughts, it may be that you got swallowed whole by her and let friendships and activities slide. If so, learn from this and vow to keep up with friends and hobbies and interests when you're in a romantic relationship. When you do this, you will still be upset if a breakup happens, but not be sent into an all consuming depression. Please seek some counseling, even if temporary, until you begin to feel better. You might feel like you're in a dark tunnel with no light at the end, but I ensure you this dark time will pass and better times are ahead. The ex's bad behavior made me appreciate how wonderful my husband is all the more. I predict the same for you. Take care.

[Wiseman2]

You dodged a bullet.

 

Just stand up and say out loud: "That cheating witch is his headache now!". Keep repeating this exercise to trip the sadness loop until it sinks in.

my cheating ex gf. I've found out after 2 months they are in a relationship.

[mcolli]

Not proud, but I have had suicidal thoughts

 

Get some help with this asap!

 

As for the actual breakup and the deceit. Remember, this is not your fault. Also, take things one day at a time. I've been there and it's easy to look long term thinking "wow, X,Y and Z will never happen now", but if you can make an effort to just get through each day it'll make a work of difference.

 

I was cheated on too and it's not fun. Was down in the dumps for a good 4 months until I did the one day at a time thing. I'm not 100%, but it is way better.

 

PM me if you need to chat

[SooSad33]

I agree.. seek some help.

Goto the dr re: your anxiety- can't sleep etc. And therapy to 'help you' deal with this.. 'loss', etc.

 

You're having trouble accepting and moving on- which does take time.

 

And hopefully soon, you'll improve and see as mentioned.. you dodged a bullet, her being a cheat and all.

[Dankman98]

Thank you all for your messages, this forum is amazing. I'm reading every one of them. I've felt like I'm annoying family and friends by being so down and it's just so nice to hear from others.

 

Honestly I think I'm having a hard time accepting that she's a cheater.. in my head she's still the girl who I was with. I wasn't the best bf in the world but this has shown me how much I did love her. This makes it hard to see it as a blessing she's gone.

 

Today I've had better moments where I try take my mind off it with my graduate classes and watching tv. But it's in my bad moments I am my worst, feel so hopeless and have the imagine of the two of them in my head. I know it's not healthy at all but I keep thinking about them having sex. It's like my mind is my worst enemy and I'm trapped there.

[Dankman98]

Thank you I'm going to try this! I can't PM you as I'm too new a member to the forum

[shiner501]

Hi, posted a few days ago about my cheating ex gf. I've found out after 2 months they are in a relationship. It's torn me apart.. all the progress I thought I was making has come undone. I feel so expendable and hopeless. I can't sleep or eat and I cannot stop thinking about them together. Not proud, but I have had suicidal thoughts.. don't think I'd ever do anything but the pain is just so much. I just don't know what to do.

 

Dude, this is nothing to do with you and how YOU showed up. There is nothing you could have done. Yes it hurts to think of them together, but think this instead; she was not the one for you. You are in pain at this moment because you cannot see this yet. But you will. Oh yes. You will. She was no good for you. And when you do see this, in time, all will become clear and your mind will open. You need to get through this temporary hurt. The universe will send someone new to you once you have done so. Rest assured.