Leave girlfriend for ex wife?

[Cam72887]

I recently started talking to my wife about two weeks ago when she text me that we can now file the divorce papers. We have been separated for 3 years but never filed the papers because of immigration issues. After the conversation I can't stop thinking about wether leaving her was a good idea. We have been texting ever since and mat up twice. The feelings are definitely still there but so is part of her anger (how much? I feel like I'd have to date her again to find out). The love we had was something I have never felt with another woman since or before. She has always said the same and has never stopped trying to get me back, she just finally accepted I wouldn't. The reason I left her was because she had some mental health issues (chemical imbalances in her brain) that made her pretty much a ticking time bomb. Fights with her were constant and escalated extremely far. I eventually left not because I didn't love her but because she destroyed our relationship and my life. Now that we have been separated for the Past few years she accepted she had issues, had treatment both medically and psychologically for them and according to her family whom I am still good friends with is like a completely different person. To be honest the only reason I didn't give her a shot when she got back from her treatment two years ago was because I had just started dating a new woman whom I am still with. She is the sweetest most caring person I have ever dated and truly loves me. I love her a lot but also can't see a family or marriage with her. She is 5 years younger than me and wants to wait until she is at least 30 before having kids which puts me at 35 or older. Our relationship isn't perfect, we absolutely never fight but the passion was never there, her libido is almost non existent and I hate that when we hangout she almost never has anything to say. She is also very young maturity wise, has never lived with someone and has no desire to move in with me for a long time or have a marriage/family until she is 30-35. With my ex I could talk with her for hours and have a blast, the passion was unreal and she is just an amazing woman in a lot of ways (when she wasn't angry, hurtful or in a violent rage). Now I am torn between getting back with my wife to see if she truly has changed or staying with my current girlfriend, waiting until she is at the same point of life I am at now and trying to work past our issues in the process. The problem is I've come to a cross roads and I know if I make the wrong decision I won't be able to get the other one back.

[Wiseman2]

To be honest they both sound like poor candidates for a future. One is the devil you know, one is the devil you don't. The contact from your wife was to proceed with the divorce? What was the immigration issue?

 

Have you considered that part of this passion was her volatility that may be gone now that she's being treated? The current women was ok with being with a married guy so how commitment minded could she be?

 

There 3.52 billion women on earth, not just these two.

I recently started talking to my wife about two weeks ago when she text me that we can now file the divorce papers. We have been separated for 3 years but never filed the papers because of immigration issues.she is just an amazing woman in a lot of ways when she wasn't angry, hurtful or in a violent rage.

[Cam72887]

I'd rather not elaborate on the immigration issue but both women are not from this country which is why my current one has been understanding as much as any woman could be I guess. It does bother her a lot though. We had a long conversation about commitment and she seems to genuinely want a marriage and family with me, just not for 5 years or so. Until then she is happy just dating me. One reason for this is that she just started college so she won't graduate until she is about 30. I fully support her going to school but I'm more than a little irritated she basically messed around having fun the past 7 years instead of getting a degree and working on her future. Yes I've considered the reasons for my exes passion but from what I can tell it hasn't changed. We met up to see if there was still feelings between us and whether getting back together was a good idea or not. I've also considered that both women aren't the right ones but I would rather try and make one of those relationships work than to be single and look for someone new at 30 years old.

[HeartGoesOn]

I've also considered that both women aren't the right ones but I would rather try and make one of those relationships work than to be single and look for someone new at 30 years old.

 

^

This choice would result in being incredibly unfair to either one of them. No offense, but this appears to be a matter of flipping a coin, along with letting the chips fall where they may.

 

In any event, you need to take a step back, and close one door before opening another.

[rosephase]

I'd rather not elaborate on the immigration issue but both women are not from this country which is why my current one has been understanding as much as any woman could be I guess. It does bother her a lot though. We had a long conversation about commitment and she seems to genuinely want a marriage and family with me, just not for 5 years or so. Until then she is happy just dating me. One reason for this is that she just started college so she won't graduate until she is about 30. I fully support her going to school but I'm more than a little irritated she basically messed around having fun the past 7 years instead of getting a degree and working on her future. Yes I've considered the reasons for my exes passion but from what I can tell it hasn't changed. We met up to see if there was still feelings between us and whether getting back together was a good idea or not. I've also considered that both women aren't the right ones but I would rather try and make one of those relationships work than to be single and look for someone new at 30 years old.

 

What is the rush? 30 really isn't that old. And being single or dating at 30 is a lot better than being trapped in a nonfunctional marriage because you settled out of fear.

[SherrySher]

This is my take on it: You sound bored with the girlfriend and it will only get worse as time passes. But with the ex wife, you have a lot of connections but tons of dysfunction too, seems odd that while married she never got treatment or that you two didn't go to counselling together, etc.

What would I do in your case? Step back from both of them. No one NEEDS to be with someone and you only have half of what you're needing in both cases. Don't string either along just because you don't want to be alone. But truthfully, I would go for someone else altogether that has what you're needing, neither of these woman are ever going to make you happy.

[catfeeder]

You've already been disloyal to the GF by meeting with the ex, so what should that tell you about where you really stand with her? I'd stop wasting her time--and yours.

[parrot]

I dated a man who had gone through a divorce a couple years earlier with a woman who, according to him, had "chemical imbalances" (bipolar) and had "destroyed his life." He told me repeatedly that I was the nicest, sweetest girl he'd ever met. About 6 months into our relationship, his ex wife got in touch with him, messed with his head all over again, and he dumped me. I can't tell you how awful that made me feel at the time. Do your current girlfriend a favor and let her go, not because you're confused about your ex wife (that doesn't sound like it will work out at all), but because your girlfriend doesn't deserve to be strung along by someone who can easily imagine his life without her. You say that you can't imagine marrying her. So why do you continue to stay with her, regardless of your feelings for anyone else?

 

The ex I mentioned is not the ex who brought me here. As hurt as I was, I got over him FAST. Anyone who is willing to lose me over someone who had "destroyed their life" in the past, doesn't deserve me for a minute, and thankfully I was able to realize that very quickly. I hope your soon-to-be-ex is able to do just the same.