Never thought I would be back posting here - but the unthinkable happened

[askdan]

 

 

Well 'm back here after a very long absence to which I was hoping would be permanent!

 

I created my ENA account early March 2004 (13 years ag0) for advice on how to get back an ex. For several years I totally forgot about this web site, until the Divorce with my ex-wife became final late last year.

 

After the occasional phone call and e-mail, ex-wife is now back into Silent Treatment mode. Our marriage lasted over 8 year, and our relationship, over 10 years. I am 42, she is 37.

 

It's funnyto watch her social media, she is acting all happy and having fun. My hopes are for a Reconciliation / Getting-Back together in the future, assuming that we are both ready to put in the effort to make it work.

 

What makes it even more amusing, are her suggestions about "improving communications and friendship after divorce". She didn't even bother to thank me for the Christmas card, and she even screened my call on Christmas Day / never returned my call.

 

So, lo-and-behold, looks like I am back into No Contact again. She has failed to inform me that she is terminating the friendship.

 

Is this a commen thing to use the Silent Treatment after the end of a long-term relationship / marriage? My friends will come up with all sorts of theories, such as a potentia lpersonality disorder on her part.

 

I never, ever thought I would be back here again to post on this web site. I guess my question is, on average, how long should I use the No Contact before she breaks the Silent Treatment? I don't intend to contact her, I prefer to wait for her to contact me, but I am just wondering as what time-frame to expect.

 

Is the Silent Treatment a sign of depression, passive-aggressive behavior, resentment, or is she just vindictive? I am not the type to hyde behind a computer screen, but I have to admit that I did not see that one coming.

 

Any comments or suggestions? Should I expect a permanent Silent Treatment? Is the Silent Treatment the new normal after a relationship ends? I am curious to get some opinions on this.

 

Thanks!

[gebaird]

It sounds like you are in denial about the divorce. For most, that means it's over. Can I ask why you think it will work if you get back together with her?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Once you go through all the trouble, expense and pain of divorce and the divorce is final, it may be best not to try to be friends.

 

Stay no contact and if she reaches out what are you hoping for? Friendship? Reconciliation? She may not want those things. Her being no contact may be a way for her to heal, not a sudden post-divorce personality disorder. Have you considered talking to a counselor about what's going on and how to proceed?

the Divorce with my ex-wife became final late last year. Is this a commen thing to use the Silent Treatment after the end of a long-term relationship / marriage?

[melancholy123]

Are you unable to accept that it's over? To make your life easier and less stressful staying no contact and blocking her on all social media etc. would be best.

[J Miracle]

Silent treatment is very common, its the foundation of a real breakup/divorce. There is no time frame, I wouldn't expect contact from her. She's simply following through with the divorce.

 

Did you ever reconcile with the woman who had originally brought you to ENA?

[askdan]

Yes, I did eventually reconciled with the woman who originally brought me to ENA, about 4 months later. She was also in agony over the breakup. Our reconciliation only lasted a few months, though.

 

As for my ex-wife, she has reached out several times during the separation phase, and even a few times after our divorce became final. Our conversations were cordial and friendly. Now, if I reach out to her (about once a month), I only hear crickets.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like she's moved on or is trying to. Consider it a blessing. In this case, move forward not backward. Get on some dating apps and start meeting new women for coffee.

Our conversations were cordial and friendly. Now, if I reach out to her (about once a month), I only hear crickets.

[surfdiva]

Do you have children with your ex-wife? If not, then I would assume there wouldn't really be any contact after the divorce? I'm on very good terms with my ex husband but only because we have a son together. I don't think we'd talk or be in touch if we didn't have him.

[Jeffbobo]

So she wanted the divorce and you didn't... She didn't just decide overnight that she wanted a divorce after ten years so she's done. You want to be friends with her in hopes of hanging on and her coming back to you? Slim chance that will happen. Never settle for friends when you want more and she doesn't. You'd just end up as one of her girlfriends and worse, she'll be telling you of the guys she's meeting when that time comes.

 

If you don't know already, the best advice is to close the door on her and don't look back. Only look back to reflect on what went wrong so that you can learn, grow and retool. Put your effort into that; not waste your time and energy on her.

[vesper]

I think you need to realize that there is nothing between you now hence the silent treatment and you need to move on for sure.