Gf broke up with me, slept with 2 guys, now we're back together

[jm8407]

So my Gf (31 yo, with her for 2 years) has 2 kids and she needed someone to watch them one Sunday. I said I would do it while she was at work. That weekend I went down the shore with my friends and they asked me to stay the weekend. Saturday I texted her and asked if she could find a sitter I would pay half. She said her sitter already made plans and she's not comfortable leaving her kids with a sitter she doesn't know. Long story short we got in a fight over it and she said if I did the come home it was over and we were going to battle. I stayed down the shore that Sunday instead of coming home to watch her kids. She dropped the kids off at my Mom's and broke up with me.

 

3 months go by, in those months I'm mailing her and the kids gifts, trying to reason with her why throw 2 good years away over 1 bad weekend. It was like she was throwing a tantrum in my opinion. She was a total batch to me, refusing to get coffee with me and telling me she has no feelings for me and has moved on. After the 3 months, she breaks and says she wants to try again with me.

 

So we start hanging out about 3 weeks and she seems to be crying a lot and saying all the right things. Then one night she tells me while we were broken up she slept with 2 guys, one guy twice. She says that there was no chance of her and I ever getting back together and she was so angry at me at that time. I was devastated as I had not slept with anyone as I was focused on getting her back in those 3 months.

 

She says she's sorry and regrets doing it, but I feel like it was intentional on some level because she was saying how we were going to 'battle' when she broke it off.

 

Things are good now but I am in constant heartbreak over this. She did these guys right in the same bed her and I sleep every night. I'm just very confused and am reaching out for help. She was always flirtatious in front of me and I feel like she used that weekend as an excuse to sleep with other guys. She swears that wasn't her intention and she broke up with me because I didn't show up that sunday.

[Wiseman2]

Wow, sorry this happened. So she deals with "anger" (actually not getting her way) by either dumping you or sleeping with guys? Where do you see this relationship going from here?

 

Agree she staged a fight to sleep with them and get a free pass by "breaking up". You may want to carefully reflect on what's happening here. She's blaming things on you.

 

Do you live together, was this the first such tantrum?

S we got in a fight over it and she said if I did the come home it was over and we were going to battle. She dropped the kids off at my Mom's and broke up with me. Then one night she tells me while we were broken up she slept with 2 guys and she was so angry at me at that time. I feel like it was intentional on some level because she was saying how we were going to 'battle' when she broke it off. I feel like she used that weekend as an excuse to sleep with other guys.

[ArtyO]

Hi;

 

So you can look at it 2 ways:

1) You were broken up, and that old relationship is done. What happened while you were broken up happened and is none of your business. Now you have a 2nd chance and a new relationship, and be thankful for that with someone you care about. Move ahead and focus on the future

or

2) Be self-righteous, and compare her behaviour to yours. You didn't do anything (or didn't have the opportunity to do anything, she did). Hold that against her as emotional blackmail, and sabotage your 2nd opportunity to be with a person you supposedly care about, but at least you will have the self satisfaction that you are morally superior.

 

Your Choice dude.

[pippy longstocking]

I don't think she staged it all so she could get her rocks off with other men .

 

However she acted like a teenager with a first rush of hormones and I would be weary of her , will this happen after every row ?

 

The thing about babysitting is you let her down , this was her job , she could have got the sack had she not got someone else , you gave her nothing but stress and worry and once you commit to these things it was a pretty lame thing to do to her . This goes for anyone you have promised to help out when it comes to children and work .

[TiredOfDating]

Kids aren't toys. You can't just find someone trustworthy at the drop of a hat because the person she already had lined up didn't want to cut short his weekend. You knew you committed to this when you went away. When your friends asked you to stay, your answer should have been NO. She was right to be angry. Whether it was a dealbreaker, no one really knows but you and her. Where there other issues? Other examples of irresponsibility and not being able to rely on you?

 

No one stopped you from sleeping with other people during the time you were broken up, but you. She chose to end it. There was no commitment at that point, she was free to do as she pleased. For 3 months, you were both free to do as you pleased. Most likely during that 3 months she missed you, realized that your relationship was worth trying again, and reached out. You don't get to be mad about what happened while you were apart. You only get to voice your opinion on the reasons your relationship ended to begin with and whether you want to reconcile.

[happyfrank]

Don't worry about who she slept with. She was single at the time. Now she wants to focus on you.

 

If you both love each other. You will get passed this.

 

Good luck.

[Clio]

I don't think she did it to get back at you. She was probably trying to move on by burning bridges so to speak. Rebounding. However, you have now seen what she is capable of. Only you know whether you can handle it. Personally, I think it's all about deciding what your deal breakers are and once you make a decision either way, stick to it and never look back or second guess it.

[jm8407]

Wow, sorry this happened. So she deals with "anger" (actually not getting her way) by either dumping you or sleeping with guys? Where do you see this relationship going from here?

 

Agree she staged a fight to sleep with them and get a free pass by "breaking up". You may want to carefully reflect on what's happening here. She's blaming things on you.

 

Do you live together, was this the first such tantrum?

 

We do not live together. She is saying she's a changed person, we're doing relationship counseling. You know, all the stuff you would say and do after you just ripped someone heart out

[Wolfshook]

First, you behaved irresponsibly, you promised something and then broke the promise. You basically told her she has less than a day to find somebody that will spend time with her kids.

 

On the other hand,her behavior is a huge red flag. Impulsively breaking up with you and then sleeping with 2 guys imediately after isnt something 30 years old person with kids should do (it's in a hs range). I'd be really concerned about that, looks like some kind of issues to me.

[jm8407]

Well the counselor says she's very impulsive and somewhat adolescent

[JaggerJim]

Well they are not technically your kids. Soooooo if she throws a tantrum, that's her problem.

 

Your her boyfriend, not their father. Maybe it's time to find someone else.

[ShatteredMan]

^^^Exactly. You already feel marginalized because you realize that she gave something that you cherished away to other men so easily.

 

I'm sorry about this situation happening to you but you've learned something about her that you would have never learned about her if you'd stayed in the relationship.

 

You gotta weigh your options and do what's right for you....

[In the Midst]

She broke it off because you wouldn't watch her children and she slept with two guys?

 

Bounce and be thankful you found out before you had children

[jm8407]

I see what a lot of you are saying. I feel like what I did to her was like a 2 and what she did to me was 10+. I was wrong but what she did was so horrible.

[hopefulalways]

You guys were broken up. Although what she did was impulsive you should not try to hold this against her or else this make up is doomed to fail. You could have done the same, you did not but you have to see that for her it was over. It would be a 10+ if she did that while you were together. Remember that.

[jm8407]

While we were broken up she sent me a text saying take a year or two and if we find our way back so be it but she wants nothing to do with me in the near future. I called her one time and asked her if we were ever getting back together she said I don't know. Everything was "near future" to me that sounds like I'm gonna bang some guys and get back with you later. I ask her about it today and she says she was just telling me what I wanted to hear and she was done 100%. She always pulls these jedi mind tricks..

[Wolfshook]

Why do you keep beating the dead horse? You can either forgive her or not. There is no point in asking her questions when you know what kind of answer you will get.

[Krankor]

OP, there's a few things to unpack here, and this issue isn't exactly black and white.

 

Firstly, let's go back to the break up. Putting her in a bind at the last minute like that after you'd made an obligation was more than a 2. I'd say it was a 5 at the least. Was it something to break up with you over? Maybe, maybe not. But she obviously found this unacceptable, and I don't blame her.

 

Then again, you would have had the right to say "no" to begin with while she still had time to make other plans. As another poster points out, you aren't their father and you didn't owe her free babysitting at her command. Is it something she expected, or is it just something she asked sometimes and always appreciated?

 

At any rate, you were wrong. You know it, even if you're minimizing it a bit, so let's move on.

 

So, she broke up. She had a right to break up with you if she truly didn't wish to continue the relationship. And while broken up she slept with a couple of guys.

 

Again, her right, but it's also your right to find that fact distasteful.

 

Maybe she really was just stringing you along for a while as a childish reaction to her anger since you were making it obvious she could have you back and sowed a few wild oats along the way. I somewhat doubt it, but it's certainly well within the realm of possibility.

 

More likely, she really meant the breakup and was rebounding and trying to get over you. She ultimately realized she wanted you back.

 

She had a right to do what she wanted if she was broken up with you, especially if it wasn't a game. If you don't realize that, realize that . But knowing that intellectually doesn't stop making this a really icky thought for you.

 

But you can't change what happened and neither can she. So you are faced with a choice: is this impulsive, adolescent woman worth you carrying a really icky feeling for a while?

 

If she is, you're just going to have to do your best not to dwell on this and let the ickiness fade with time. If not, then move on. It's really that simple.