A big dud - Am I being ghosted

[Pipis]

Hi guys/girls.

 

I'm a complete novice at dealing with men and texting I suppose so I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

 

I met someone at my office party in December. He kept asking me questions like; am I married? Do I live alone? What kinda car do I drive then he walked me back to my hotel room, now I couldn't get into my room as my card didn't work for some reason so he invited me back to his room (I know) and I went with him until I could contact the girl I was sharing my room with to see if she could let me in.

 

Now back in his room he didn't try anything with me so I assumed he wasn't interested and we eventually went back and got my key fixed and got into my room so I asked if he wanted to stay and he said no and left.

 

Now in January, We have been texting for a few months and he actually asked to meet up as he lives over 100 miles away I thought this was a sign he may like me, I had to say no though since I actually had plans with friends at the weekend.

 

Now in February, he hasn't texted me as often and hasn't texted me in a week (I know, I might be reading into it) so I texted him and he replied and things went well for a while, now he hasn't texted me again.

 

I've heard about ghosting, is this it? I've never experienced it before and I'm not sure what I've done to deserve it but if I am being ghosted then that's fine. I can certainly move on, it just feels odd.

 

Thanks,

Sorry I actually made this longer than I tintended

[katrina1980]

When he asked to get together and you said no cause you were busy, did you offer an alternative day you *would* be available?

 

He may be backing off as he thinks YOU are not all that interested.

[j.man]

It's not ghosting if you never had anything going on. It's just him understandably getting bored. You're going on like three months of texting like teens. If I had to guess, he's more interested in dating than being pen pals. 100 miles ain't exactly next door, but you could try to meet half way if you really wanted to. Though given it doesn't appear he's into building a connection over SMS, I'd move on if you don't plan on taking any real action.

[Wiseman2]

Is he married?

I couldn't get into my room as my card didn't work for some reason so he invited me back to his room. We have been texting for a few months and he actually asked to meet up as he lives over 100 miles away.

Now in February, he hasn't texted me as often and hasn't texted me in a week.

[katrina1980]

It's not ghosting if you never had anything going on. It's just him understandably getting bored. You're going on like three months of texting like teens. If I had to guess, he's more interested in dating than being pen pals. 100 miles ain't exactly next door, but you could try to meet half way if you really wanted to. Though given it doesn't appear he's into building a connection over SMS, I'd move on if you don't plan on taking any real action.

 

Unless I misinterpreted, HE is the one who wanted to get together (in person) and OP said no, she was busy.

 

Perhaps HE is the one who believes SHE is only wanting a 'pen pal'.

[j.man]

Unless I misinterpreted, HE is the one who wanted to get together (in person) and OP said no, she was busy.

 

Perhaps HE is the one who believes SHE is only wanting a 'pen pal'.

Not sure where you and I disagree.

[katrina1980]

Not sure where you and I disagree.

 

You're right! And apparently I did misinterpret (your post).... my bad.

[ParisPaulette]

Move on. Regardless of why if it's been three months and the best you guys can do is texting (does no one use the phone anymore? How about Skype? Video Chat? Why doesn't anyone use those anymore?) then really this is not going anywhere regardless of why.

 

The entire idea of having a relationship, of even getting together with someone else, is sharing your life with another person who is there by your side. Even if they have to go away for work or the military or whatever, the idea is still the same - that you will be in each other's lives sharing it and being a team and the distance thing is a temporary event, not permanent.

 

Texting someone who lives far away and not even being able to meet up is pretty much a giant indication that this isn't going to work before it's even gotten off the ground. So yes, he is going to wander off and look for someone that can be in his life more frequently and so should you. Sorry, but it's not ghosting you when you never even went on a proper date.

[Wiseman2]

I would say his wife/gf is filling that role. Business trips, hotels, 100mi away, inconsistent communication, planned trysts. Hmm?

So yes, he is going to wander off and look for someone that can be in his life more frequently

[Betterwithout]

My guess is the hotel move was he was feeling you out for a mutual attraction. Texting gets stale fast, especially for men.

It's entirely possible that he is in a relationship already, or he is pursuing another girl he is interested in at the same time.

[Pipis]

After I said no to meeting up he suggested another time and I said yeah sure sounds perfect, but nothing came off it.

 

I spoke to my work colleague who worked with him a few weeks ago and apparently he was on tinder and said no when a woman wanted to meet him. I assumed if he was into me he wouldn't be on tinder.

 

 

I think I'll just move on and I'll be nice when he visits the office.

 

Thanks for the advice and opinions guys.

[Wiseman2]

Much better idea. Also a good idea is for you to get on some dating apps with a nice profile and pics and begin messaging and meeting local men for coffee, who you don't work with. think I'll just move on and I'll be nice when he visits the office.

[Pipis]

Internet dating has not worked out too well for me somehow. I was kind of hoping he'd ask to meet up again but I'll let the texting die.

[randomer2000]

From my understanding I think he may have gotten the idea that you may not be interested and has thus tried to move on. It seems like you'll text more than you'll hang out.

 

Why not try being upfront about it and telling him you'd be interested in dating him?