Daisy78 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I lent my boyfriend of three months £125 two weeks ago to pay a bill. Said he'd pay me back but nothing from him so far and no mention of repayment. Should I ask him or leave it a bit longer.
Matt3939 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Just ask did he give you a time frame? Don't give people money it only cause's problems.
j.man Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I'll spare you the conventional wisdom against lending partners, particularly new ones, money. Did you not talk over repayment when you initially lent the money? Has he gotten paid since then?
Daisy78 Posted February 23, 2017 Author Posted February 23, 2017 I'll spare you the conventional wisdom against lending partners, particularly new ones, money. Did you not talk over repayment when you initially lent the money? Has he gotten paid since then? It was for a cut off phone he hadn't paid his bill and needed it for work. Said he'd pay me back bit by bit but no mention of the money so far.. think he may have been paid but not sure. He buys things like cigarettes and things but he's good to me in other ways like taking me to and from work and stuff.
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 If he works let him pay his own bills. If he "needs the phone for work" let him ask his employer for an advance. If this is bartering for your free rides and gas, then you need to work out a clear-cut deal. Save your money for a car/license.It was for a cut off phone he hadn't paid his bill and needed it for work. He buys things like cigarettes and things but he's good to me in other ways like taking me to and from work and stuff.
nutbrownhare Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Raise it with him, otherwise you're setting a not-very-good precedent...
Daisy78 Posted February 23, 2017 Author Posted February 23, 2017 Raise it with him, otherwise you're setting a not-very-good precedent... I was pretty stupid I suppose but trusted him. Feeling a bit controlled at the moment... after only a week of dating he told me he really loves me and though he us caring I don't know if it amounts to controlling behaviour. He is older than me by 8 years and I am a shy person. He told me not to go out after dark on my own without him... whether it's care or control I don't know..
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 How old are you? Do whatever you want to do. However, set up a fair situation regarding your rides and his repayment. He's not your chauffeur and you are not his cash machine.He is older than me by 8 years and I am a shy person. He told me not to go out after dark on my own without him..
j.man Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Don't provide him any way to treat services and micro transactions as repayment. Ask nicely when he can start paying you back. In the meantime, prepare yourself mentally for the very likely potential the money may just be gone now. Not saying he won't pay you back, but just as a general life principle, never lend money you can't afford to lose.
Betterwithout Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Huge pet peeve of mine when people don't make an effort to pay you back or at least give a timeline. You said his phone got cut off from not paying the bill Well at least he still has money for cigarettes! *smh* Bring it up as a matter-of-fact like during a conversation...."Oh yeah, I was wondering when you can pay me back the 125?"
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 If you don't ask for repayment in a timely fashion, it's considered a gift not a loan. What does this mean? he may have been paid but not sure.
Pretzel Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Definitely ask him politely when he is able to pay you back. Say you need the money. It's your money -don't be embarrassed to ask.
randomer2000 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Never lend new partners money, It always causes problems down the line. In this case he is in the wrong, I can never take money frmo someone without it bugging me to all hell to pay them back. I usually just say "Sure" when a partner asks for moeny then pretend to look and say I have none.
Betterwithout Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I usually just say "Sure" when a partner asks for moeny then pretend to look and say I have none. Reminds me of Elaine from Seinfeld when she found there was no toilet paper left in the stall. Then the other person in the stall next to her said she "didn't have a square to spare"
notalady Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I was pretty stupid I suppose but trusted him. Feeling a bit controlled at the moment... after only a week of dating he told me he really loves me and though he us caring I don't know if it amounts to controlling behaviour. He is older than me by 8 years and I am a shy person. He told me not to go out after dark on my own without him... whether it's care or control I don't know.. Controlling. Caring is saying "be careful when you go out at night, it can be dangerous in this area! Let me know if I can help" or "let me walk you to the station". Controlling is saying "do not go out after dark without me" or anything that goes along the lines of "do not do [insert thing you want to do]". Controlling is telling you what to do and not to do, what to wear or not to wear, who to see or not to see. Caring is simply expressing "I'm worried" without dictating what you should or shouldn't do.
notalady Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 It was for a cut off phone he hadn't paid his bill and needed it for work. Said he'd pay me back bit by bit but no mention of the money so far.. think he may have been paid but not sure. He buys things like cigarettes and things but he's good to me in other ways like taking me to and from work and stuff. Ok, not to be mean but... he sounds like a loser. He works and earns money, but couldn't pay his bill to the point that his phone was cut off? And yet he has money to buy cigarettes and other non-essential things? Also as others said, do not lend money to someone you are dating, especially someone you just dated for a few months. Only do so if you don't expect to get it back. Same goes for lending money in general really, only do it if you don't expect to get it back. Doesn't mean they shouldn't pay you back or at least make an effort to, that's on them. Goes to show what kind of person he is.
Daisy78 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 Ok, not to be mean but... he sounds like a loser. He works and earns money, but couldn't pay his bill to the point that his phone was cut off? And yet he has money to buy cigarettes and other non-essential things? Also as others said, do not lend money to someone you are dating, especially someone you just dated for a few months. Only do so if you don't expect to get it back. Same goes for lending money in general really, only do it if you don't expect to get it back. Doesn't mean they shouldn't pay you back or at least make an effort to, that's on them. Goes to show what kind of person he is. Thanks for your advice. It's still early days and at first he came across as caring telling me not to go out with out him and to wear trousers instead of skirts and flat shoes instead of heels. And thongs instead of pants. Nit doing that though. I thought he was being caring but sounds like control. He picks me up and takes me home as I can't drive due to medical issue. It might be as he is a strong character and I am working on not being as shy.. thanks
notalady Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 he came across as caring telling me not to go out with out him and to wear trousers instead of skirts and flat shoes instead of heels. And thongs instead of pants. Oh hell no! Run. Run fast. Only dating for a few months and he's already telling you what to wear? No. Just no. That's a big red flag. That's controlling to the extreme. The fact that you didn't react strongly to this showed him that you're an easy target and suits him very well. Next thing he'll tell you which friends you can and can't have, which family members you can and can't see. Where you can or can't go (actually he kind of already is). Don't walk, run.
Wiseman2 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Did it work?I lend my girlfriend $22222 in hopes of getting her to stop cheating on me ]
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