I need help, i dont know what to do please

[mommylifee13]

Hi, so i would like to start off by saying im happy to have joined this group and hope to get alot of sincere and opened advice about this particular subject. Ok lets start off by saying im a mommy of a 6 month old baby boy, he is my absolute world, the father of my son and i have had a very rocky relationship, one which has to do with our problems, and another being our families. He and i have been together for almost 5 years and through ut we have broken up twice, one he broke up with me and then i did. I was 20 at the time i moved out to be with him and he was 21, i thought it was all going to be good and dandy because my love for hin was true, i wanted to be his wife and have a familu one day and be a happy couple but after moving in i got a glimpse of what he rrally was like, we both had jobs and i was the only one also going to school, i still am by the way, anyway i was beginning to grow frustruated because he was paying too much attention to his friends, to his video games, and refused to help me at home. There came a point where i was taking care of all our bills because he had no money because he would always waste it on weed or giving it to his mom. So i would get so mad that he couldnt take care of us first and pur bills and then do as he pleases with his money. So i broke it off with him but after a month and a half maybe 2 we got back together because i still was in love with him. We moved in together again and this time with his mom. His mom and i cant stand eachother, dont get me wrong we were ok before but now we just cant b in the same room, i cant bear to even look at her. She is the type of woman who lives off her ebt cards, wic and tries to date men who seem like they have money uust so they can take her out and buy her things, oh and did i mention ahe has a younger son, my baby daddys step brother who is just 10 years old, yeh well maybe a year and half i to into me and my baby daddy dating his mom had cps called on her and she almost lost her child i swear to God that i cant forget her saying " oh well if they take him away i know he had a good time living here with me" like what kind if mother says that?... 8t frustruated me and over time i hated her because she was the lazy type of sorry excuse for a person to sit on her ass and feed off the governemnt and her own son ( my sons father) my sons father has no one else besides his mom as a family he never knew his dad and the rest of his family is off mexico and some who live here refuse to talk to my them. Anyway back to my point his mom is also a very vulgar and verbally abusive person she puts down her sons and calling them everything from and idiot, a , , stupid, bastard, anything bad u can think of she has probably told her two sons which are my sons dad and his little 10 yr old brother . Ao fastforward we lived there and i then found out i was expectn a chils which is now my son. Living there were the worst days of my life, i was constantly around fighting, vulgar words, doors being kicked, slammed whatever it was just the worst ever and my boyfriend (sons dad) became very abusove verbally as well he wud traumatize me and made me think no one wanted me and every problem we had was my fault, i was prego running on emotions and he still ddnt seem to care. One day it was time to reveal the gender of my baby and he decided he ddnt want yo go because he and his friend were going to play Madden... i was so sad and so angry and had enough that o confronted him. It turned into a big altercation and long story short he put his hands on me, me being almost 5 months pregnant i qas scared and when he stormed off i called a couple of my friends up to quicllly help me gather my stuff and leave, i left to live with my parents house knowing id be safe. He then proceede to try and apologize and contact me and i told him if he ddnt stop i will make a police report of what he did and when i said that he went insane yelling and cursing at me on the phone . My sons dad isnt legal here and neither is his mom or any of them so he thought they might deport him, so he then kept telling me that it would be my fault if ever they deport him because my son will grow up with no dad. I dont know but all this i would build up in my head and it scared me to think that he maybe right that jaybe my son would hate me when he was older of i was the reson why he got deported, so i decided not to file the police report. Time went by and we were just civil, i still lives with my parents and he with his mom, after having my son i decieed i ddnt want his mom to be part of my sons life because before me leaving her house she would always tell mw ahe qas tierd of me and my boyfriend living there, even though we were the ones taking care of her rent and other expenses. So i just ddnt want my son around a woman of her character. Once she found out i ddnt plan to make her a part of my sons life she proceeded to call me all the names in the book as well as the father of my son calling him a for me not allowing her to see her grandchild, then that had the nerve to say that my son was going to grow up and be stupid and retarded because i wasnt allowing him to associate with her or my sons dads side of his family because believe me EVERYONE was exactly the same so i ddnt want my son around such a negative environment. So that is the deal with his mom do u think im right or wrong for not allowing her to see my son? She has only seen him 2wice since he was born, and i supervose the visitation, its at a public place and for no longer than 45 mins... thats part of my issue but the main one right now is that my aons dad and i have never fully got along since that incident and many other, i found out he wasnt being completly faithful to me and talked to other females and trying to just be a kid when he knew he had greater responaibilities which were his child... so the whole not being completly loyal totally ruined trust i am very jelouse now and i feel like i have a right to be he always lies to me and he says its to avoid argumwnts but i always end up foguring out his lies and it makes us fight even more, i am trying hard to fix thinga with him despite all he has ever done to me because i want a family where my son has both his mom and dad living together in his life, but im begining to loose hopw for that i live with my parents and my son, while my sons dad now lives on his own in his own studio, he wants me to move in with him but i just think about all our arguments when we used to live together and i refuse to put my son thru it all. Witht the whole deportation thing occuring right now he is basically trying to force me to marry him so he can hopefully get his papers like that and soon. I am sad because at one point i didd want to marry him, but not like this, it seems he is doingnit for his own selfish benefit and i refuse to do so. I said no when he asked if i wanted to marry him besause he was giving me a time fram and that was within the next couple months, no ring or ajything just simply a trip down to the courthouse and thats it. I couldnt, i felt like marriage should be a beautoful thing not just because it benfits one over the other. Anyway when i said nonhe began to tell me that i ddnt care for him and that i was probably talking to someone else. I AM NOT! My main focus right now is my son and trying to work hard and also finish my school to become and RN and simply work hard and b good mother to my son. But he keeps pusbing me to marry him still threatening me that if not it will be my fault if he was to get deported. I had enough and i know he doesnt love me because a day after i told him i ddnt want to marry him after he said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me the next day he said he just ddnt feel the love no more... im like ? Just yestersy you were basically trying to get me to marry you and now u dont love me? I know his love isnt real even tho he insists it is and i reminded him what he had said and he proceeds to tell me he ddnt mean to say he didnt feel the love anymore. I sometimes feel like we have just settled for eachother like the love just isnt in our relationship anymore, only that feeling of having had settled for a wrong person. I feel it more becuswe he is reluctant to help me with my son, he works and calims its too much to also care for a child, i go to school, work and take care of my son basically 24/7 so that just make me so angry, at times we are good but then we are bad, he still verbally abuses me and traumatizes me by telling me my son will hate me one day if i leave him and brake off our family, even tho he is never around for my son. I get sad that he has taken everything from me so i refuse to walk down an isle with him and pretwnd im haooy when im not, its not even a proper wedding to him its just a paper that says we are married and hopws to get his documentation in order, but to me marriage is more its a sign a love that two people share and are willing to forwver commit to someone, but to him it is just a benefit in his favor.My question to this is what should i do? I feel stuck and part has to do with the fact that i feel like ive settled and now im forced to be with someone simply because they threaten me by saying things like that my son will either hate or not love me because of my decision if i brake thinga off with my sons dad. This is so hard, i feel i have too much to deal with when it comes to him, he expects me to remind him about all his dutires and responsibikities as a man and a father, the bagagge he carries of having an incredibly rude and just repulsive uneducated mom that i cant bear to face, and lastly because i feel he does nothing to contribute to helping and raising my son, all this time ive been doing it in my own, it gets hard but my son comes frst and also that is somethn he doesnt understand becuase we all know babies take up your time and since no one helps me care for him im on my own and he retaliates for me not giving him the attnetion he wants becuaee im alwayd off caring for my son. I know i just basically released all my isaues up front but i feel like im just stuck i know leaving is the right idea, but how do i get myself to walk away if his words about my son hating me because if i break it off with him i will b destroying our family ,still lingers in my head. I want to get all your opinions about what i should do regarding his mom and just my relationship in general.

[gebaird]

i know leaving is the right idea, but how do i get myself to walk away if his words about my son hating me because if i break it off with him i will b destroying our family ,still lingers in my head. I want to get all your opinions about what i should do regarding his mom and just my relationship in general.

 

Is this really true? Will your son really hate you if you decide to ditch this toxic sperm donor? You've been emotionally manipulated for so long you don't even know which way is up anymore.

 

This isn't love. It's not even like. It's hell. I don't know about you, but when I find myself in hell I make it my top priority to get out.

 

You are a good mama who loves her son and knows what's best for him. End all relationship talk with your boyfriend. You owe him nothing. Focus on creating a good life for your son and keeping him safe from dysfunction. Keep going to school and make sure the people in your life treat you kindly.

[Wiseman2]

Who watches your child while you work? Stay with your parents and don't marry him. File for child support and get court ordered custody/visitation.

 

Worry about yourself, your child and your future. Let him solve his won problems. Stay away from him except for his right to visitation.

 

Do Not Leave Your Child Alone With Him Or His family. get supervised visitaion ordered. how do you know they won't take her out of the country with them?

im a mommy of a 6 month old baby boy, i left to live with my parents house knowing id be safe. Witht the whole deportation thing occuring right now he is basically trying to force me to marry him

[mommylifee13]

Who watches your child while you work? Stay with your parents and don't marry him. File for child support and get court ordered custody/visitation.

 

Worry about yourself, your child and your future. Let him solve his won problems. Stay away from him except for his right to visitation.

 

Do Not Leave Your Child Alone With Him Or His family. get supervised visitaion ordered. how do you know they won't take her out of the country with them?

My sister helps to watch my son, she is the only one who really helps me and since she goes to college as well we adjust our days and schedules so between her and i someone is always watching my son, i do want to file and gain custody of my son but my biggest fear is that they allow him unsuperivesd vistitation rights over my son, i dont care so much for the child support because so far he has given me non to very little financially to suppory my child so that is something that can help but i dont need it from him because with or without him i will raise my son on my own, but i just dont want to go to court and have that fear that he will get some sort of custody of him besides supervised visitations, because i fear for my son, not once since my son was born did he ever watch or let alone change my son so he basically doesnt know the duties of a parent , since we live apart he doesnt deal with a crying child, having to stay up, or everything that a child does simply because he is a child, when he does come visit and my son cries he gets frustruated because he gets annoyed and impatient to hear my son cry, this makes me furious, because my son is a baby and only doing what babies do in order to communicate so my fear would be that my son be allowed to visit him without supervison, because one he doesnt know how to care for him, two i fear for the environment my son will be exposed to such as that my sons father smokes too kuch weed and drinks and overall because of the lack or respect and verbally abusive that exists between my sons father and his family, which im sure will want to be around if my sons dad has some sort of unsupervised visitation right a d i just want my son away from it all becaus eit is just a toxic environment for him or any other person/ child to be around in. I am continuing to go to school, work, and care for my son because i love him more than anything in this world, the love i had for my sons dad is diff now i dont love him but i wish we could just understand eachother for my sons sake, i dont know what to do because i feel like i loose either way and like u said it is one of my fears that one day if given rights over my son, his dad might take him away out of the country without my knowledge

[Wiseman2]

Stop focusing on his poor parenting and start researching and getting yourself together and going to court as you should. You are wasting time arguing with yourself about petty parenting differences when you are both too young too handle this.

 

You will kick yourself when they leave the country with your son and you never bothered to file for court ordered child support for him or do anything Officially through the courts, such as court ordered supervised visitation. Because you can't be bothered with official paperwork. Don't be foolish. Get yourself to court asap, get a legal aid lawyer if you have to. Stop "fearing" and start doing.

one of my fears that one day if given rights over my son, his dad might take him away out of the country without my knowledge