Is it me?

[fixyou_]

Ok. So. I can't really deal with being around my mother anymore. I feel like she takes her frustrations out on me. For example, she worries about other family member's houses being clean and presentable, but doesn't clean her own house and I end up doing it at least once a week because it gets filthy.

I let it go for 3 weeks once and low and behold, no one cleaned it.

 

So today I told her I'd go pick up dinner from a restaurant she likes that's 45 minutes away. Her birthday is tomorrow and I have to work late. She was sitting at her desk with a computer, pen and paper available. I asked her what she wanted and she told me to just write it in something on my phone. I said no, cuz then I can't see it when I go to order, just write it down for me. She wrote it down gritting her teeth and clearly upset that she had to do so. So, I asked why does this have to be so difficult? She ripped up the paper and said nevermind.

She makes me so angry. Ever since she has been taking painkillers for her back a few years ago she has been unbearable to be around and makes me feel like it's me. This is just one of many, many things.

[j.man]

Are you living with her? Paying rent? Does she have reason to resent you? Either she's getting older and more ornery or she's got something against you.

[fixyou_]

I live with her. She's well off, doesn't take my money and tells me to pay off my student loans and save. The thing is I don't mind cleaning but it's almost like she likes the mess lately. My brother is 17 and trashes the house with his friends and no one else cleans it up. She's not happy with her marriage either. Even earlier I went food shopping and opened a bag of chips and she's yelling at me to stop making so much noise. What the hell?

[RainyCoast]

May i ask which painkillers? If we're talking synthetic opioids then thar's it. It's not you, or her. It's the meds

 

how was she before?

 

Up your frustration tolerance. These are silly things. Clean up and write it down in your phone. Not worth drama.

 

What about her behavior hurts the most?

[fixyou_]

5 years ago she would have had a coniption if the house looked like this. She's been on percocets. My stepdad took them all once and she had me go on a shady drug deal with someone I knew who sold just so she could have some. What hurts the most is that she doesn't treat anyone else like she treats me and it makes me feel like she never wanted me because I remind her of my biological father.

 

May i ask which painkillers? If we're talking synthetic opioids then thar's it. It's not you, or her. It's the meds

 

how was she before?

 

Up your frustration tolerance. These are silly things. Clean up and write it down in your phone. Not worth drama.

 

What about her behavior hurts the most?

[Wiseman2]

Is she chemically dependent on them? Have you researched the signs and side effects of that? It sounds like she's crotchety anyway and living with her is not easy.

 

Avoid any power struggles and pick your battles, not for her or so she can "win" but for your own sanity and peace of mind.

Ever since she has been taking painkillers for her back a few years ago she has been unbearable to be around and makes me feel like it's me.

[j.man]

At this point, you can only react to conditions as they are. Stay at home and save money or move out and not have to deal with it. I wouldn't dream of living with a woman like that, but if I did, "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" would be all that came out of my mouth until I got what I needed to book it on out of there.

[fixyou_]

Yes, in my opinion she's dependent on them and has been on the same dosage since she started years ago and it's not enough for her anymore. I try to just stay in my room when I am home, otherwise I'm at work or I'll stay over my boyfriend's. I don't even want him to come over here anymore because she's so embarrassing and tries to fight with me in front of him. For example, my mom invited him over for a football game and said she'd make or get food. Nope. I had to make it all and listen to her ask me to get her this and that while I was trying to relax with him.

Is she chemically dependent on them? Have you researched the signs and side effects of that? It sounds like she's crotchety anyway and living with her is not easy.

 

Avoid any power struggles and pick your battles, not for her or so she can "win" but for your own sanity and peace of mind.

[fixyou_]

Ugh. Seriously. I try to not even be around my family, especially her. I was trying to reach out and be nice because it's her birthday and no one else is going to take her out.

At this point, you can only react to conditions as they are. Stay at home and save money or move out and not have to deal with it. I wouldn't dream of living with a woman like that, but if I did, "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" would be all that came out of my mouth until I got what I needed to book it on out of there.

[Wiseman2]

Hire a housekeeper to come in regularly and clean. The whole situation sounds like a drug infused mess. Where's your dad? If she's well off why can't you get a place with roommates?

She's well off. My brother is 17 and trashes the house with his friends and no one else cleans it up.

[RainyCoast]

Yes that's starting to sound like an addiction. Be thankful it's "just" oxycodone. It also probably takes larger dosages now to help with the pain. Doubt she would discuss this with her pain management doctor but you can suggest, only commenting that it no longer seems to be helpful with the pain. Move out if she is put on fentanyl though. Now that'll make you think she's possessed.

 

How much influence does her husband have over this? Has he considered counseling? You may, for yourself, knowing that the feelings for your dad are being transferred to you. I had that issue as well, and when mine got drunk she had an unforgettable way of saying it. Your mum may not improve. I don't know what doctors predict re her back but if she will have to stay on opioidsor even take stronger ones or a pain pump she *ma*y become organically unable of addressing her feelings and behavior properly.

 

Best you can do is drop your expectations of her entirely and find some good support and help for yourself to deal with the hurtful role you've come to occupy. Maybe moving out would help, and even make the relationship more amicable.

 

Cleaning, organising, lists may be too much for her brain now.

 

I'm hoping there are alternative options of pain management. I have met some very creative anaesthesiologists.

[fixyou_]

I'm trying to save what I would be paying for rent by paying off my student loans. They're a lot. Pshh. I never knew my biological father and it ended very badly between my mom and him and I feel like she takes it out on me. She's addicted to percs and my stepdad has severe depression/anxiety and only makes things worse for her.

Hire a housekeeper to come in regularly and clean. The whole situation sounds like a drug infused mess. Where's your dad? If she's well off why can't you get a place with roommates?

[fixyou_]

Trust me, I want to move out. Me and my bf have recently discussed it and are trying to save and get promotions to make more. I've been seeing a therapist off and on. The only thing is I haven't told my bf about anything regarding my mom. I don't know how he'll take it. It's embarrassing.

Yes that's starting to sound like an addiction. Be thankful it's "just" oxycodone. It also probably takes larger dosages now to help with the pain. Doubt she would discuss this with her pain management doctor but you can suggest, only commenting that it no longer seems to be helpful with the pain. Move out if she is put on fentanyl though. Now that'll make you think she's possessed.

 

How much influence does her husband have over this? Has he considered counseling? You may, for yourself, knowing that the feelings for your dad are being transferred to you. I had that issue as well, and when mine got drunk she had an unforgettable way of saying it. Your mum may not improve. I don't know what doctors predict re her back but if she will have to stay on opioidsor even take stronger ones or a pain pump she *ma*y become organically unable of addressing her feelings and behavior properly.

 

Best you can do is drop your expectations of her entirely and find some good support and help for yourself to deal with the hurtful role you've come to occupy. Maybe moving out would help, and even make the relationship more amicable.

 

Cleaning, organising, lists may be too much for her brain now.

 

I'm hoping there are alternative options of pain management. I have met some very creative anaesthesiologists.

[RainyCoast]

It was embarrassing for me too. At first, he thought i was being an unappreciative child, even badmouthing my mother. So i had him stay with us for a whole week and see for himself. He was shocked, forever after that, not just that week. Couldn't believe someone could be like that. He kept saying omg i get it now it'e exactly like you said, everything.

 

You don't have to make it sound like you judge her- she may be irritating but you won't like it when someone judges her nevertheless. She has problems, the meds changed her, her husband has his stress and the relationship with you is tense because you have come to represent your father to her. She has problems with cleanliness and organisation and it's looking like a pigstye there because you cant clean up after everyone anymore.

 

He won't think you're weird because your mum has issues, but he will bear in mind what to expect from her.

 

Sorry about the typos. Phone.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear all this, yes get out asap. Hope this info sheds light: She's addicted to percs and my stepdad has severe depression/anxiety and only makes things worse for her.

'Signs and Symptoms of Percocet Addiction

 

Men and women who are using Percocet may exhibit numerous signs and symptoms. While people who are suffering with an addiction to Percocet may not display the same signs, you may observe some of these symptoms:

 

Irritability and Mood Swings

Insomnia or Restlessness

Nausea and Vomiting

Disinterest in physical appearance

Decline in work or school performance

Continually asking for or borrowing money needed to obtain Percocet

Feeling as though Percocet is needed consistently throughout the day

Obsession with maintaining a certain supply of Percocet

Engaging in illegal activity to obtain Percocet prescriptions, such as fraud or stealing

If you or a loved one is experiencing any of these side effects as a result from an addiction to Percocet, it is recommended that you seek professional help as soon as possible.'

[nutbrownhare]

You are on the receiving end of the unpredictable, abusive and bizarre behaviours which are common amongst any addicts. It's very, very rough on friends and family and if you are obliged to live with it for the time being you need support. Be assured that it's not you, it's the addiction; the way people behave is a reflection of the way they are, not who you are.

 

Seeing your therapist is a great way of clarifying issues for you, but you might also find that attendance at Nar-Anon will help. More information here: [url="