Alexhunter2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 This is going to be a long one but I would so appreciate and advice and feedback so much! My fiancé and I have been together for almost 2.5 years. We got engaged at the end of this summer and have been planning out wedding and future together. We had a perfect relationship. He was the most loving, doting, respectful, honest, and loyal man I've ever known and I loved him more than anything. He's 6 years older than me and has 2 young children from a previous marriage. This would've been my first marriage and I don't have children. His past had always been a bit dodgy but he has completely changed from who he used to be and is truly a wonderful Christian man. A few months ago I saw an email from him to a female friend at work. He always gave me passwords to everything and complete access to his phone. The email said something along the lines of "sorry for leaving you early today but I wanted to get home to see my kids, my youngest is sick. But I'll be there waiting for you at 3:30 so smile for me and enjoy the rest of your shift." Obviously i freaked out. He explained that the woman was a lesbian, married to a woman who had just decided to transition to a man. She was struggling in her relationship and he was simply a good friend who could give her advice. By "being there" he meant when she got off work so that they could continue talking if she needed someone to talk to. I emailed the woman, looked at her Facebook and concluded that I probably overreacted. About a month ago I saw that she had added him on Facebook. I freaked out again because I told him I didn't want them being friends. He was apologetic, deleted her, and wanted to make things right but I have trust issues and it didn't sit right with me. This went on for a few days, I was distant and he wanted to fix things. 5 days later I finally agreed to meet up with him to talk and saw that same night he had emailed the woman telling her "I won't be coming in to work tonight. She finally wants to meet up and talk. I need to see her and fix this." The woman replied "I understand. I'll miss you" neeedless to say I really freaked out. Called him and told him he's a piece of and we're done. He explained and asked if we could still meet up to talk. A little background my fiancé has ptsd from his childhood, abusive father and toxic living environment. His family and him had told me he used to be very emotionally distant and angry. But he had obviously changed and I'd never seen that side of him. Until that night. He was so angry and distant and acccusing me of trying to find reasons to end our engagement and that I would never be able to trust him ever again and that I didn't want to. We fought and talked and cried but didn't break up. Things went on like this for another week. We barely talked and when we did he was so cold. Just like how he told me he used to be. In "emotional survival mode" I wanted to go to counseling, I love him and didn't want to break up but we clearly had work to do. After going on a long drive Sunday to clear his head and get away from all the stresses (me, our fighting, issues with his kids, issues with work, etc). We met up the Monday following and he told me that he "couldn't do this anymore" that he loved me and didn't know how he was going to get over me but that our relationship had some issues he couldn't get over (my issues with his past and how I would fight with him over it) he never spoke up before but apparently it really really bothered him. It's been a little more than 2 weeks since then and I only texted him once to ask if he told the kids yet. We agreed to talk in a month from when we broke up and work on being friends. He told me not to hold onto hope of us working out. It makes no sense. It's like a completely different person then who I dated and was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I love him so much. Even though working on it would be so painful and difficult I don't want to give up on him. I'd really appreciate any outside perspective or advice from anyone who has been through something remotely similar. I don't know what to expect from him. The man I was engaged to would have never done this and would die before giving up on us so easily but it's like he's not here anymore and this alter ego has taken over. Link to comment
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