FuryLost Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I've (23M) never been able to work up the courage and ask a girl out on a date. Too shy, too insecure. So of course that means I've only been able to experience hugs and kisses on the cheek from platonic friends. Nothing more, unfortunately. It's a combination of the emotional and physical connection that I'm sorely missing. But it's the fact that I've never kissed/ been kissed that's bothering me the most. A real kiss. Not sure why. A kiss seems so simple to everyone else, and here I am, more confused about it than Calculus. Sex, yeah, it'd be really, really good sometimes, too. But the intimacy of a kiss seems...on another level. I've recently tried Tinder--for roughly five days. Swiped through quite a number of profiles, came up empty. The only 2 matches were bots. Part of the problem may have been that I gave up too soon and only had 2 pictures. Not fond of the camera. Besides, I don't think I'm that ugly. Handsome, if I have to say. It's no problem to talk to people and make them laugh, however. A couple friends have said that I have a disarming effect--people seem to feel comfortable, at ease, open around me. Suppose the central problem is that I don't know how to date. For instance, upon meeting a girl, when should I ask for her number/ ask her out? Too soon and I come across as a creep. Too late and I'm either forgotten or considered a friend. There's two girls in particular that I currently have crushes on. Both work at businesses near home and both I've known for almost a year. Not in the sense of friends, but that every once in a while I drop by, grab a drink, joke around, and go about my day. One of the girls, it took me almost three months to ask her for her name. By now, I'm certain she's forgotten mine. Another issue is that I'm in my head a lot. I'm hardly vocal, so any issues/problems end up bouncing around in my noggin 'til I've lost my nerve and/or made up the problem to be far worse than it actually is. Why I'm in this situation now. Whew. If anyone could give any suggestions or advice, it'd be much appreciated guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Try OKC and POF. Set up a nice profile and some good pics. Keep messaging the ones that seem interesting and after a couple back and forth messages ask to go for coffee. If all goes well ask for a second date. If not, then you move on to the next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Standard online dating like wiseman suggested will be better suited for you. You can think about a message and then send it and then if you get a reply you have time to craft a good response. Tinder for a guy like you is a terrible idea. You need more confidence to jump in the deep water with Tinder. There are several books and videos from guys that can actually help you with your game. Most of these guys are jerks but a lot of what they say really works and for a guy like you I doubt you would turn into a D-bag but these tips could help you shore up your confidence and ability to actually ask for a girls number. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 The only way to learn how to date is to get out there and date. Instead of looking for relationships or whatever, think about this as "practice". Ask one of those girls you like out for coffee. The worst they can say is no, BUT you had to courage to ask someone out (practice). If they say yes then great, go with the flow. If things don't work out, reflect and try again. And rejection is a part of dating, it's not a reflection of you as a person or your self worth. Sure you'll get some girls saying no, but that's experience and moving past that is all part of "dating". And learning to reject people you're not feeling. I remember back when I was dating around there were some people who were trying to end things all gently and nice, and all I could think was "oh thank goodness I was not feeling it either". I let it drag ooooon because I was too afraid to hurt them, when the feeling was mutual. Don't put pressure on yourself. Don't go out thinkjng "oh my I need I feel that spark and have a romantic kiss". Just practice. Date online, ask people out in person and just get experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 And one last thing, asking someone out is nerve wracking. The first time you ask someone out you might stutter, feel your heart race or feel like a mess and that's normal...but you'll get better and more confident each time. And everyone, like everyone, knows how intimidating it can be and will appreciate that. If anyone ridicules you or anything they're a jerk and you should be glad you found out then and don't have to waste more time on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PICCOLLO Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 As above poster mentioned, you gotta practice. Go on dates, be prepared to bomb. Its ok, you'll grow in confidence. Just remember that we all get nervous (im terrible!) but its about facing your anxieties and doing it anyway. I recently went out with a girl and our first kiss was awful because we were both nervy but we've joked about it since and have kept dating. Dating can be fun. Asking someone out for a drink is easier than you think. But online might be a good place to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat9013 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I would just like to point out that as a female I hate when guys come off as instantly confident. Nervous means genuine interest. Confident means player. At least that's the impression. So your odds may actually be increased because you are shy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betterwithout Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I would just like to point out that as a female I hate when guys come off as instantly confident. Nervous means genuine interest. Confident means player. At least that's the impression. So your odds may actually be increased because you are shy! It's a fine balance. I think your description of "instantly confident" = cocky and arrogant. There are different scales of nervous..ranging from awkward conversation to can't even speak. OP= check out the online resources on building confidence, (take the "Pick up artists" stuff with a grain of salt though...some of those guys are just looking to getting laid and have no substance) Your best tool is experience. Keep talking to girls until it becomes second nature, keep in the back of your mind when you are starting out that you have nothing to lose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.