Update. Funny how things happen. Ex tried to contact.

[lillorenzo23]

If you read my posts from the beginning of this hellish ordeal, I was so worried about finding somebody into the same hobbies and interests as me. I never thought such a guy existed. NEVER AGAIN will I find that.

 

Update: 3 months post break up. I've gone to therapy, met new people, worked on me. I've learned to analyze my previous relationship for what it really was, not what I thought it was or wanted it to be. I learned to stop romanticizing my ex, and see the ways in which I was treated unfairly. Are there still good memories? Of course, but does the bad outweigh them? Definitely.

 

I started getting out there, talking to new guys, but going about it a whole different way than I have in the past. I wasn't looking for "the one", but rather casually getting to know people for them. Weighing out their good and bad, while trying to have fun in new situations with new people. I went to a concert with a guy. I went to eat with a few. I've been talking to a handful for about a month now. A lot of them are really cool people. I was so consumed by my previous experiences in dating in the "gay world", and was sure that most guys were drunks, into drugs, or complete . Don't get me wrong, I had to weed through them. I had one guy after two days of texting ask me what I was doing, when I replied "about to get a shower and get ready" he said "wish I was in there with you, maybe if you clean up enough you'll be lucky to take me out on a date." Yeah, convo ended there. Another experience was dinner with a guy who started asking me pretty sexual questions, such as "how big are you?". He volunteered the information that he's slept with a few HUNDRED people and has HIV.

 

What I did different this time was, I didn't get discouraged. I think the reason why is because I wasn't going out with expectations. I wasn't looking for the "perfect person" but rather going on dates to pass the time. To make new connections, and possibly meet somebody that I could build a friendship with that may turn into more.

 

I've been texting a guy for about 3 weeks, and honestly wasn't too interested in him. We met for the first time Saturday, and he was a really cool guy. Funniest part is, he's into the same things as me (thought I'd never find that again, right?). He rides dirtbikes and quads. He races cars and has a project car he's working on. He doesn't drink. Doesn't smoke. Doesn't do drugs. I'm in the process of getting to know him, so I'm not rushing things...but if this was an episode of the bachelor...he would get a rose so far.

 

Anyway, aside from that. I'm starting to feel good. Good about myself. Good about the fact that there's more people out there...and I won't be "alone" for the rest of my life. Just so happens that, when I finally hit this point...the ex sends me the longest e-mail you've ever seen. I deleted it. Didn't read it. It went straight to the trash, then I emptied that. 3 hours later, he sent a follow up e-mail. Discarded that one as well. So far yesterday, he sent me two e-mails, one 6 page text, one 4 page text, and one 2 page text. I haven't read one, but rather deleted them all as they came through. Today, he's currently texting a mutual friend of ours (who he "hates"), and I told her that I don't want to hear about it...keep me out of it.

 

It feels good. It feels so good to realize that somebody you thought you could never live without, who was no good for you, can teach you so much. It feels good to be the strong one. Man, NC and getting rid of all of his $#it was the best thing I could have ever done. Doing the therapy work, work on myself, and getting back out there with zero expectations was also a huge step. Keep pushing people. It's not impossible to be the one to let go.

[luisannalui]

Wow congratulations! Takes lot of courage lot of work and lot of determination to receive an essay from your ex and still not read it,at least for curiosity. Keep up the great job!

 

My ex ended the relationship about the same time yours did and she drunk video called me yesterday. I didn't reply neither planning to ask her why she called. She even posted on her Facebook " I want love". They always come when you want to move on, when you start to think of yourself, is like they have this power. But I'm so glad you didn't break it. Congrats again!

 

I envy you for taking things like this, stopping your friends from talking to you about him, being able to delete his message. I'm not planning to contact her about contacting me, I don't feel I'm ready as you are but at least I'm going to fake it until I make it! Man, I can't wait to get to that point. You realized he's not good for you, I know she's not good for me, Its just that I don't have the power yet. But will use your experience as a motivation.

Oh and let me tell you, he will keep contacting you! Don't let him drag you with his doubts. You doing a great job, keep it up!

[lillorenzo23]

Wow congratulations! Takes lot of courage lot of work and lot of determination to receive an essay from your ex and still not read it,at least for curiosity. Keep up the great job!

 

My ex ended the relationship about the same time yours did and she drunk video called me yesterday. I didn't reply neither planning to ask her why she called. She even posted on her Facebook " I want love". They always come when you want to move on, when you start to think of yourself, is like they have this power. But I'm so glad you didn't break it. Congrats again!

 

I envy you for taking things like this, stopping your friends from talking to you about him, being able to delete his message. I'm not planning to contact her about contacting me, I don't feel I'm ready as you are but at least I'm going to fake it until I make it! Man, I can't wait to get to that point. You realized he's not good for you, I know she's not good for me, Its just that I don't have the power yet. But will use your experience as a motivation.

Oh and let me tell you, he will keep contacting you! Don't let him drag you with his doubts. You doing a great job, keep it up!

 

Oh, believe me, I'm not "ready" yet either. The thing is, I know that contacting back and hearing or reading anything he has to say will set me back...and why do that after I felt like death for so long? Why would I ever want to make myself feel like that again? That's exactly what it would be...not him making me feel that way, but me making myself feel that way. WE HAVE THE CONTROL. They can try to get to us, but we control whether or not we let it. DON'T LET IT. Stay strong!

[ParisPaulette]

This is an awesome post! I'm so happy to hear a success story and to know you're doing well and taking the right approach. Enjoy life for all it's worth and everyone in it good and bad.

 

Good luck, good times, may the road in front of you always be the one you wish to walk upon.

[justshine1]

This is freaking Great!!!! Good for you! It's about time I read some hung positive on here. Lol

 

Your a strong man. I didn't yet read the before drama with him but I could only imagine it wasn't good.

 

Im impressed you were able to just delete all the message's that came your way. Even though I'm sure you must have been so curious to what the novels said.

[rtyu4567]

That's awesome! Power of example for me. How long now since the BU and NC?

[lillorenzo23]

That's awesome! Power of example for me. How long now since the BU and NC?

 

3 months and 3 days post break up. Went NC once for a few weeks, then broke contact. Started again, and I'm on day 58 of NC right now. The funny thing is, I don't even care what he has to say and I never thought that would be possible. The one piece of advice I can give to EVERYBODY on here is, try your damn hardest to see the relationship for what it REALLY was. I thought this guy was gold, and all I could think about post-break up were the good times. The beginning, the first date, the first kiss, the time he did something cute...but I pushed out the times he lied. The times I was made to feel like nothing to him. The times my feelings didn't matter. And finally, the things he said to me during the split. If there's ONE thing that really helped me, it's doing the mental/emotional work. Here's my advice:

 

1) Make a list of every single good thing about the ex and the relationship.

2) Make a list of ever single negative about the ex and the relationship.

3) Go back to list one, and be honest with yourself...were those things present the ENTIRE time, down to the moment they split? If not, put a note next to that item on when they changed. (Example: He texted me goodmorning every single day...except for the last two months)

4) Go back to list one again, this time really analyze that positive for ALL that it is, and if there was a negative that came along with it, put a line through the positive and write the negative. (Example: I loved the fact that I felt like I belong with my ex's friends group. We did so much together, and I got along great with all of them. We felt like a little family. However, he hated that about me. He told me one time that "my friends are my friends, not yours. You don't see me talking to and hanging out with your friends, so stop trying to be friends with everybody in my life.)

 

This helped me so much. Any time I would miss being friends with his friends group, that feeling of belonging...I would immediately revert back to the negative aspect of it, and my mind would tell me "you don't deserve that, and somebody out there will be happy to have you fit in with their friends..."

 

 

Secondly, when you finish analyzing the past relationship, make a model for future relationships. Write down things that are important to you and what you want out of a new relationship. Check out how many of those things were present in the one you were in. WE ALL DESERVE TO BE SOMEBODY'S EVERYTHING, AND IF YOU'RE ON THIS SITE RIGHT NOW, READING THIS...YOU WEREN'T THEIRS! BUT SOMEBODY OUT THERE IS GOING TO HAVE THEIR LIFE MADE THE SECOND YOU WALK INTO IT....remember that.

[luisannalui]

I will def follow your advice. Thank you.

 

Lorenzo, did you stopped stalking your ex on social media or you still visit his profile? If you did, how did you stop? Oh, And did you blocked your ex everywhere?

[lillorenzo23]

I will def follow your advice. Thank you.

 

Lorenzo, did you stopped stalking your ex on social media or you still visit his profile? If you did, how did you stop? Oh, And did you blocked your ex everywhere?

 

I blocked not only him, but every single person that could possibly post anything that had to do with him. I got rid of everything that had to do with him. I deleted it all. I made it so that there was no possible way I could see anything that has to do with him, other than running into each other in person which didn't happen.

[rtyu4567]

3 months and 3 days post break up. Went NC once for a few weeks, then broke contact. Started again, and I'm on day 58 of NC right now. The funny thing is, I don't even care what he has to say and I never thought that would be possible. The one piece of advice I can give to EVERYBODY on here is, try your damn hardest to see the relationship for what it REALLY was. I thought this guy was gold, and all I could think about post-break up were the good times. The beginning, the first date, the first kiss, the time he did something cute...but I pushed out the times he lied. The times I was made to feel like nothing to him. The times my feelings didn't matter. And finally, the things he said to me during the split. If there's ONE thing that really helped me, it's doing the mental/emotional work. Here's my advice:

 

1) Make a list of every single good thing about the ex and the relationship.

2) Make a list of ever single negative about the ex and the relationship.

3) Go back to list one, and be honest with yourself...were those things present the ENTIRE time, down to the moment they split? If not, put a note next to that item on when they changed. (Example: He texted me goodmorning every single day...except for the last two months)

4) Go back to list one again, this time really analyze that positive for ALL that it is, and if there was a negative that came along with it, put a line through the positive and write the negative. (Example: I loved the fact that I felt like I belong with my ex's friends group. We did so much together, and I got along great with all of them. We felt like a little family. However, he hated that about me. He told me one time that "my friends are my friends, not yours. You don't see me talking to and hanging out with your friends, so stop trying to be friends with everybody in my life.)

 

This helped me so much. Any time I would miss being friends with his friends group, that feeling of belonging...I would immediately revert back to the negative aspect of it, and my mind would tell me "you don't deserve that, and somebody out there will be happy to have you fit in with their friends..."

 

 

Secondly, when you finish analyzing the past relationship, make a model for future relationships. Write down things that are important to you and what you want out of a new relationship. Check out how many of those things were present in the one you were in. WE ALL DESERVE TO BE SOMEBODY'S EVERYTHING, AND IF YOU'RE ON THIS SITE RIGHT NOW, READING THIS...YOU WEREN'T THEIRS! BUT SOMEBODY OUT THERE IS GOING TO HAVE THEIR LIFE MADE THE SECOND YOU WALK INTO IT....remember that.

Thanks! I finally made 30 days NC after several months of BU. And although I have more work/healing to do, Im proud of myself. Proud of you too!!! Thx for advice