shell1982 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Hi All, Please bear with me its my first post on any forum. I am 35 years old and my ex is 37. We met on a dating app back in Oct. Things moved quickly, we both really liked each other and he made me feel like the most special girl in the world. I was honestly amazed at how we managed to connect on every level. I met his family and friends things were great. Before we met he was on a career break as he had worked his whole life and wanted a break to travel which he has always wanted to do. He had booked a trip to Thailand for a month before we met and i thoroughly supported his decision to do this. Whilst he was away he kept in touch almost daily and we had a couple of arguments here and there mainly because he kept on wanting to extend his trip and i wanted him home as i missed him ( was that selfish?) We had one major argument whilst he was away and i was trying to communicate my boundaries for the relationship but anyway we got over it. He ended up coming home at the start of Feb and didn't see me for a few days as he was busy with family commitments which i understood. Then there was a major issue, he had to attend a party of an ex colleague which he said was planned around his dates and could not miss. I was annoyed that he would prioritize this over me and made my feelings on this clear. I hadn't seen my boyfriend for nearly 2 months and he wanted to go to the party before even seeing me? I should add whilst he was away his family would reach out to me to check in and maintain contact and i did the same. Anyway i did see him on 5th Feb and we had a chat about how we felt. I was super angry about being last on the list of priorities and he said he was sorry and now hes back things would go back to how they were and we worked through things. He stayed the night and we were great. The next day he said he needed time to think over things as he's now back from travelling and is considering working abroad and its the first time in his life he didn't really know where he was, in his words he was 'lost'. His family were putting pressure on him to not work abroad and about his future and us. I let him be for a few days which was tough and then he reached out and basically broke up with me saying that he feels his feelings may have changed and drifted whilst he was away. I tried to remain as dignified as i could saying i understood and if that he was sure of his decision. He said he had thought about it for 3 days and he was. This was a day before my birthday which i was super excited about and we had made plans for that day together. I was hurt, super hurt. I did cry in front of him which i am so ashamed of and it was so hard to watch him walk out the door. I have not heard anything since, not even a happy birthday message on the day but his family did message me. I haven't reached out at all and neither has he. I do know for sure that there are no other women involved and that he was loyal to me throughout, i cant really say a bad word about him. He was honestly one of the most nicest, genuine people i have ever met and was never mean or angry really. I know its only been 12 days but i miss him terribly. We had spoken about marraige and children and a future together, i dont know how that can all just change in an instant. I guess my question is, do they come back and would he come back? Would love to know your thoughts please!? I feel like i have really screwed this up but i don's know how. ( i did say to him that i dont remain friends with exes and did no begging or pleading). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Even though you think different you don't even know this guy. Met in October he's gone for 2 months that brings you to January. It's February now and its a half month since NC. Sounds like way to much way to fast. Parents marriage kids? Getting mad cause he's hanging out with friends? I'd continue NC and don't stomp on the skinny pedal in u our next relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell1982 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 ok, i understand what you are saying. I'm also 35 so i don't get into relationships just for the sake of it. I thought we were both looking for the same things and he certainly led me to believe he also did and felt the same way. To clarify i didn't mind him hanging out with friends i was upset as he put that before seeing me when he hadn't seen me for 2 months and kept saying he couldn't wait to get back to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Sorry to hear this, but quite a few red flags after just a few months of dating. Too much, too soon, too fast and all talk no action. It sounds more like you dodged a bullet if he won't make time for you. Have you read the book : Hes Just Not That Into you It may help you sift through the time waster like this guy and recognize the interested ones.We met on a dating app back in Oct. Things moved quickly. I was super angry about being last on the list of priorities and he said he was sorry.The next day he said he needed time to think over things . he reached out and basically broke up with me saying that he feels his feelings may have changed and drifted whilst he was away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Arguments over the length of his trip, arguments over your boundaries while he was gone (what was that about?), arguments and super anger when he returned, arguments over him going to a party...see a trend? In just a few months (only ~3 of which were "in person") it seems to me there was a lot of mini dramas going on. Do you have a right to feel prioritized? I think so - but if he wasn't doing that automatically even during the honeymoon phase of the relationship it may be that he wasn't all that serious to begin with, or something changed while he was on his trip. This may be due to the arguing, or may have happened anyway. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sorry it happened right before your bday though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell1982 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Thank you both, i think you are right it was really fast, it was really soon but he pushed it too and i wanted it so i went along maybe without thinking it through properly. I'll definitely learn from that. I guess i just him, although as you say there were arguments after he left we did share some really special times too. Setting my boundaries was when i found out that he did part of his trip with another girl, he promised that they didn't share a room but for me it was something that i felt quite disrespected by. I know he sounds like an and i also sound stupid as i am saying this but i have been cheated on and i went with my gut feeling here that he was a good guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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