Rapunzel111 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I met this guy online. Before we go out, he knew I am really really shy and I warned him that I might be too shy to speak.. But we sent lengthy messages and he once mentioned that he found me easy and interesting to talk to (online). So he initated our first date. We went out for dinner and I wouldnt say it went great (as I mentioned I was too shy and I didnt talk much). And he tried to kiss me goodbye but I dodges. Later he sent me a text apologizing for overstepping and then asked me on second date. And the second date was better than the first date. We talked but there was no physical contact at all. (He put his hand on my back while walking during the first date) and we only hugged good bye and he didnt mention anything about third date. I sent him a text after, thanks him for the date. And we sent lengthy texts again and he said it was great to see me again. But nothing about a third date. He does not mention anything about third date- does that mean he lost interests in me? But we found ourseleves share lots of common interests. Should I ask him out? Or is that a signal that he is not interested in me anymore? Link to comment
angrythoughts Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I don't think it necessarily means that he lost interest in you. He probably hasn't thought of a day or place to take you out on a third date. He also might be scared to ask you out again since you said hes shy. I don't see anything wrong with you setting up a third date. Link to comment
Matt1989 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Hi there. I would message him, and remind him nicely that the reason why you pulled away from the kiss on the initial date is due to the fact that you're naturally a shy person. It seems like to me that you have some boundaries of which is completely reasonable. Just remind him that you're just shy, and that it can take a little while before you are comfortable with the physical aspect of a relationship ie. kissing, hugging, etc. He may just feel as though that you aren't interested in him in that way. Just let him know that you are indeed interested in him, and would really like to see him again for another date. Communicate with him, and let him know about how you're feeling - but at the same time, don't be too heavy about it, and just be casual about it. Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 I don't think it necessarily means that he lost interest in you. He probably hasn't thought of a day or place to take you out on a third date. He also might be scared to ask you out again since you said hes shy. I don't see anything wrong with you setting up a third date. He is not the shy one. I am. He didnt mention anything about third date or text me after second date. I was the one text him after second date. Thats why I am worried if he lose interests in me and if I do ask him out, it would make me seem like a needy and desperate person Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 I did text and tell him that I like taking things slow. So I can understand why there are no physical contact on the second date. And I am not sure how should I text and ask him out without being too clingy? I already texted him first after second date.. and he didnt take the hint and ask me out.. Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I'd just ask then you get your answer. Doesn't sound like you are that shy when on a keyboard. If you like this guy in person you don't have to kiss him to show interest. Just laugh and get close and touch him a bit with your hand. That's more then enough. BTW there's a difference between clingy and getting an answer. Make the question to the point so you do get an answer. "Hay I was thinking about going here on do you wanna go?" Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 In my opinion, he planned the first two dates - it's your turn to ask him out. Link to comment
j.man Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 "I warned him that I'm too shy." "I told him that I don't talk much." "I told him that I like to take things slow." Instead of putting up a ton of warning signs, just be yourself. Dating doesn't require disclaimers, and if you've got things you feel you need to disclaim, you should be dealing with them before dating anyone, not presenting an obstacle course for them to navigate. Nobody is going to enjoy dating someone who sits on the other side of the table with their hands between their legs and their lips sealed. Normally, I'd suggest taking the initiative and asking him out for the third date, but if you're afraid of rejection, I think this is the wrong situation to get your feet wet in. If either of the dates went how you described, I'd venture to guess he's simply not interested in a third. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Stop all the "lengthy messages", it's killing things. He wants to date, not find a text buddy. Yes plan something and ask him out this time and that you would enjoy seeing him again.. I sent him a text after, thanks him for the date. And we sent lengthy texts again and he said it was great to see me again. Should I ask him out? Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 "I warned him that I'm too shy." "I told him that I don't talk much." "I told him that I like to take things slow." Instead of putting up a ton of warning signs, just be yourself. Dating doesn't require disclaimers, and if you've got things you feel you need to disclaim, you should be dealing with them before dating anyone, not presenting an obstacle course for them to navigate. Nobody is going to enjoy dating someone who sits on the other side of the table with their hands between their legs and their lips sealed. Normally, I'd suggest taking the initiative and asking him out for the third date, but if you're afraid of rejection, I think this is the wrong situation to get your feet wet in. If either of the dates went how you described, I'd venture to guess he's simply not interested in a third. You are right and thats exactly what I worried. I know I can be pretty tensed in front of strangers. But I am getting more relaxed around him and I am pretty sure If we have a third date, it would turn out great. I did tell him I like the date after our second. All he said is 'that's good I think and blah blah'. So I guess this means he lose interest in me? But after this text, we did exchange lengthy text for the whole night! I am so confused right now... please help! Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Imagine being this guy. YOU are putting forth all the signs of not being interested. You come with disclaimers and aren't reciprocating interest. Why would he keep working at it? Why should he? I still think you should ask him out. Seriously, what do you have to lose? You do and he says no... no more dates. You don't and he never reaches out... no more dates. Same end result. Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Stop all the "lengthy messages", it's killing things. He wants to date, not find a text buddy. Yes plan something and ask him out this time and that you would enjoy seeing him again.. Ya I am just using the texts as an indicator- whether he is interested or not.. coz I am really bad at reading signals or flirting with guys... Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Imagine being this guy. YOU are putting forth all the signs of not being interested. You come with disclaimers and aren't reciprocating interest. Why would he keep working at it? Why should he? I still think you should ask him out. Seriously, what do you have to lose? You do and he says no... no more dates. You don't and he never reaches out... no more dates. Same end result. Hmm you are right. If I am him, I would definitely lose interest in me ha Thank you guys I will ask him out tomorrow or as soon as I think of any plans for the date and I will give you an update Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Don't make excuses for excess texting. You can read signals because he tried to kiss you, which you rejected and then on date 2 hugged you good night which was ok. If you are not ready to date, don't string guys along. How old are you? Have you ever dated or had a relationship before?Ya I am just using the texts as an indicator- whether he is interested or not.. coz I am really bad at reading signals or flirting with guys... Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Don't make excuses for excess texting. You can read signals because he tried to kiss you, which you rejected and then on date 2 hugged you good night which was ok. If you are not ready to date, don't string guys along. How old are you? Have you ever dated or had a relationship before? Oh god I never wanted to string guys... I am just really suck at the whole dating thing.. i just got out of a 3 years relationship and this is my first date in 3years... Then what can I do to tell him I am really interesyed in him and Show him that I dont mean to string/ play games? Is asking him out enough? Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 Oh god I never wanted to string guys... I am just really suck at the whole dating thing.. i just got out of a 3 years relationship and this is my first date in 3years... Then what can I do to tell him I am really interesyed in him and Show him that I dont mean to string/ play games? Is asking him out enough? I need help guys!! I really dont want him thinks I am stringing. What should I do to clear the air? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 It's not stringing him along if you want to date him and then DO date him. My advice remains the same: ask him out Link to comment
Jibralta Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Why not ask him out? On date 2, he showed you that he respected your boundaries. Now give him a little encouragement. Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 So I asked him out, but he hasnt replied yet. (He replied in a really short period of time before) Then I guess thats the answer! Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I am going out on a limb here and saying, wait until he asks you on third date. If you don't hear back, don't beat yourself up about it. Similar personal experience I've been this guy before....went on a few dates and the girl shy-ed away from a kiss on her porch at the end of date 2. She texted me sorry about this kiss last night and explained she was shy and it's been a while since she was in a relationship. I let her know that I understood, but something was missing in the dates so we didnt go again. The failed kiss wasn't the issue, she had other red flags I couldn't live with. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Excellent! Ball is in his court now so you can just relax. If he doesn't respond positively in a timely fashion, adios.So I asked him out, but he hasnt replied yet. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 So I asked him out, but he hasnt replied yet. (He replied in a really short period of time before) Then I guess thats the answer! Good for you! If he doesn't reply, oh well. Still good that you tried. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 I am going out on a limb here and saying, wait until he asks you on third date. If you don't hear back, don't beat yourself up about it. Similar personal experience I've been this guy before....went on a few dates and the girl shy-ed away from a kiss on her porch at the end of date 2. She texted me sorry about this kiss last night and explained she was shy and it's been a while since she was in a relationship. I let her know that I understood, but something was missing in the dates so we didnt go again. The failed kiss wasn't the issue, she had other red flags I couldn't live with. I think you have to put in more effort to do your part on a date - you are responsible for 50% of the conversation. It's not fair to expect someone to spend their precious free time with someone who warns them she might not even speak while on the date. That's just not fair or thoughtful - why should the other person have to pull teeth? I get that it's been a long time - so start out by socializing in groups and work your way up to one on one dating. There are plenty of dongle women who are willing to put on their had of the conversation so it's going to be rare to find a stranger who wants to put in the effort to meet someone who is not willing to do that. Link to comment
Rapunzel111 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 UPDATE: he said yes! And we kept texting in the last few days. So I know I have to engage in and stop acting shy. Any advice on how to show I like him in a subtle-ish way? Its been too long... I just cant remember how to date or flirt! I need some tips!! Link to comment
Jibralta Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Just be yourself. He likes you the way that you are. Keep it simple. Link to comment
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