I fear that I'll never move forward in life

[JojoIzumi]

Hi everyone,

 

So, my issue here is that I'm scared that I'm never going to move forward in my life. I'm scared that even in a few years from now, I'm still going to be where I am now and nothing will change.

 

I graduated from university last year, and have been able to find work. While it earns me money, it's just not what I want to do. Now, a lot of people tell me that it's still early days, but will they be saying that two years from now? For the last couple of months, I've been trying to get a better job to make progress towards a career, but all it's been is false hope, rejections and disappointment. Again, while I'm thankful to be working where I am now, staying there is not getting me anywhere.

 

I'm beginning to feel hopeless, and that I'm going to be trapped in the same cycle for the rest of my life. It doesn't help that there are people around me who already have amazing careers, happy relationships and more confident than ever. Yet, I'm just the same old me who has practically zero social skills, a weird voice and no confidence. I know these are things I should improve on myself, but I don't know how.

 

I need to make progress in my life, but it's just not happening.

[J Miracle]

Progress won't just happen. It takes time, effort, and clear direction. Have you tried writing yourself a goal timeline? Think of where you want to be a year from now, then break that goal down Into smaller more achievable short term goals. Maybe buy a big piece of poster paper to write it all down, and revisit that timeline every month or so, And check things off.

 

That's just one idea, it helped me build my business, to have a visual. Good luck.

[bluestar]

Congratulations on finishing your studies and gaining employment-that is something to be proud of. Are you doing enough in your life outside work to keep yourself fit and healthy? Are you socialising and meeting positive people? It's good to keep the other areas of your life in focus as well as work. Try to keep positive and tell yourself the good things that you have achieved, rather than focusing on what is missing. Also you could write out a plan for the year and make some targets for work-even if it's not changing your job, you could do a short course, read a biography that inspires you, or research something in particular that will help you in an interview in the future. ;-)

[JojoIzumi]

Congratulations on finishing your studies and gaining employment-that is something to be proud of. Are you doing enough in your life outside work to keep yourself fit and healthy? Are you socialising and meeting positive people? It's good to keep the other areas of your life in focus as well as work. Try to keep positive and tell yourself the good things that you have achieved, rather than focusing on what is missing. Also you could write out a plan for the year and make some targets for work-even if it's not changing your job, you could do a short course, read a biography that inspires you, or research something in particular that will help you in an interview in the future. ;-)

 

Thank you for your kind comment

 

As for fitness, I only walk to and from work, other than that, I don't do much in terms of exercise. And when it comes to socialising, I have a few friends, but I don't socialise with new people all that much. Unfortunately, I have very little communication skills and severe lack of confidence.

 

I guess I'm just thinking ahead too much, but I can't help it.

[catfeeder]

Advice from Grandma, "There's a difference between "can't" and "won't". Won't is a choice. So whenever you find yourself saying that you "can't" make an incremental change in an area you want to change, then change the word for accuracy.

 

From there, you can make small, incremental changes in your health, social life, career... anything you wish. A coach on my job taught us that it takes 21 days to form a new habit, and to write a list of the changes we want to make. That prevents you from glomming a bunch of changes together into a giant abstraction--nobody can resolve those.

 

So pick an area of your life to make a change, and then break that big change down into all the smaller ideas you can think of that, together, will impact the change you want. Then work those steps, one at a time.

 

It's the opposite of helpful to compare yourself with anyone else. We all have different weaknesses and strengths, and some people are ahead of us in different areas. So it makes no sense to churn envy over some real or imagined comparisons to anyone else--that's a demoralizer, when instead you can build yourself UP by working small baby steps that build pride as you compare your successes to where you were before.

 

Just as you wouldn't ask someone with a broken leg to run a marathon, it makes no sense to demand of yourself stellar performance in areas where you feel broken and need healing. So seek counselling. You have the whole Internet at your fingertips to locate a counselor or support group. I'd start with the school from which you graduated and ask whether alumni can use the mental health services you didn't know about while you were in school. Your tuition covered those, and if you didn't use the service, the may allow you some sessions now.

 

Write more if it helps, but I wouldn't misuse this forum to play helpless. I'd use it to journal ideas about what you CAN do to make the changes you want to see in your life and to obtain feedback about those.

 

Head high, you can do anything you want to do badly enough to form a plan and work it.