pakiprince10 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 So me and my girlfriend go to the same college together and have been dating for six months. The problem started last monday. She was supposed to be in class, but she cut class to hangout with this guy alone in the library. Theeir coworkers and I knew ever since he recently broke up with his girlfriend, theyve been texting basically everyday, he usually initiates. First she lied and said they just bumped into eachother, but they had actually made plans to meetup. So she cut class to be with him, lied about it, and to make matters worse while me and my girlfriend argued in the library for two hours this dude waited the entire time waiting for her. The next day I went to go see her and not even thirty seconds in hes calling her to see if shes okay. And its more or less clear to me that he likes her, and she fought with me for a good three days thinking its unfair for me to ask her to stop talking with him. Some of my friends went as far as to say what she did was cheating, others said you cant control her. I just feel hurt and that our trust is broken. Is what she did wrong? If im serious about the relationship is this a red flag? Thank you guys in advance for responding Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 There is less brightly colored red waving in a random field of ripe poppies than there is here, mate. Break up. Block/ignore. Move on. Protect yourself. Link to comment
pakiprince10 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 She cried like crazy, and eventually accepted that what she did was wrong and would never talk to him again. I dont doubt that she cheated in a physically way and I know she loved me. But we told eachother we'd only date as long as we potential in a future together. And this has me severly doubting that. I love her and I know she loves me. Its not that easy to just break up with her Link to comment
Matt1989 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Hi mate. Let me start off by saying that you indeed have a genuine cause for concern here. The fact that she's lied to you about when she said that they simply bumped into each other, when in fact they had actively made plans to catch up, clearly shows that there is guilt involved on her behalf, and that she's gone behind your back. This may be hard for you to read, but there seems to be a very good indication here that she has intentions to be more that "just friends" with this other male. If you can, try to have a calm conversation with her about all of this, and if she doesn't want to talk to you about it, or if she becomes very defensive, then something is definitely not right. No one deserves to be cheated on, however I'm not saying that she has cheated on you, but yeah. Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 If you feel like you have a good bead on this situation and her current stance is acceptable to you, then I wish you luck. I truly do. Do consider, for your own perspective, irrespective what you decide to do - these red flags? Still there, mate. Which was your original concern, and a valid one, at that. Link to comment
pakiprince10 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well the reason that she says that she lied about it is because she didnt want me to overreact, not because she had anything to hide. I mean she is right in saying if she really wanted to cheat or did really like this guy why wouldnt she break up with me and just be with him. This is the first relationship that ive been completely honest and sincere in, so to have her look me in the face and lie. I just dont know what to do. Do i continue to ask her if shes still talking to him or just blindly trust that shell never talk to him again. And its not even him thats the problem. In the future i DOnt want to be worrying about what my girlfriend is doing. Idk im just really confused Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well the reason that she says that she lied about it is because she didnt want me to overreact, not because she had anything to hide. I mean she is right in saying if she really wanted to cheat or did really like this guy why wouldnt she break up with me and just be with him. This is the first relationship that ive been completely honest and sincere in, so to have her look me in the face and lie. I just dont know what to do. Do i continue to ask her if shes still talking to him or just blindly trust that shell never talk to him again. And its not even him thats the problem. In the future i DOnt want to be worrying about what my girlfriend is doing. Idk im just really confused Sorry, but you're not at all confused, you're in denial. She cheated right under your nose, and is trying to weasel her way out by turning the tables on you. Keep in mind the past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour. Time to think... Link to comment
pakiprince10 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Okay But i know for a fact she didnt physically cheat on me. Is getting to know a guy that recently broke up with his girlfriend, lying about, hiding the fact your texting him, and meeting up with him and lying about that too. Is that considered cheating? because if it is than yea she cheated. But i know there was nothing physciall. does that warrant a breakup? Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Okay But i know for a fact she didnt physically cheat on me. Is getting to know a guy that recently broke up with his girlfriend, lying about, hiding the fact your texting him, and meeting up with him and lying about that too. Is that considered cheating? because if it is than yea she cheated. But i know there was nothing physciall. does that warrant a breakup? Does unapologetic, relentless lying? Link to comment
PrincessJ Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Lying because you don't want someone to freak out is an awful excuse. My boyfriend has used that with me and I taught him a lesson by getting my stuff and leaving. (Obviously I came back, which may or may not have been a mistake) If my boyfriend lied to me about hanging out with his ex, I would probably tell him to cut off contact with her or say good bye to me as well, and I would never do that to him. Honesty is sooooo important in relationships and I just don't understand what people don't see about that. You have to do what's right for you, I'm not completely saying to take my advice because I am somewhat of a push over, but I would probably give her one more chance and let her know that I'm skeptical of her and watching her a little harder, and that a lot of my trust has been broken and if she can't deal with that, you need to move on. It's possible that people can feel so guilty after being caught lying that they don't do it anymore, but you need to be very very cautious. Relationships are about honesty, communication, and mutual respect, and if she can't do that, she isn't girlfriend material Link to comment
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