Jump to content

he's emotionally withdrawn


Recommended Posts

We've been together 8 years now. In the beginning of our relationship I never noticed how emotionally disconnected he was, until I tried to have a deep conversation with him. It was like watching a robot shut down. I started to notice that he only has 2 emotions, happy and angry. And if he feels anything other than those 2 emotions he quickly turns any feelings he has into anger. I learnt not to bring up certain conversations or too even get emotional myself. If I cried in front of him he was instantly tell me to stop or he would get nasty and say extremely hurtful things to me. His mother passed away 4 years ago and the first few times I asked if he was alright or wanted to talk he would get angry at me and say "how the f#*k do you think I am? " so I stopped asking him all together. But now that I don't ask he throws it in my face, he tells me I don't care about him and I never ask how he's doing. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. We hit a very rough patch about a year ago and I kept trying to get him to open up about our relationship and what's he's happy and unhappy with. I wanted to know where his head was at. I fully opened up to him I felt embarrassed and silly but after I felt closer to him but when I asked his view on things he just said he was happy and he had no input on our relationship... I need emotional connection. I need to know we can talk to each other about anything but he's so emotionally closed off I get nothing from him. What should I do? How can we work on our relationship if we don't actually talk about it? I've left it alone hoping he might come to me but nothing we don't have any real conversations at all. Anyone's input would be great good or bad, hit me with it. I feel lonely almost. Like I don't know him at all. I actually told him I feel disconnected from him and he just gave me a hug.

Link to comment

Why are you interested in preserving this relationship?


It sounds like a case of 'it is what it is,' to me. And it doesn't seem to be much.


I cannot see how or why any critical elements would change. If you can stomach it, keep at it.


But I don't think that there is any other alternative. What am I missing?


Personally, I recommend that you select the walk away option. And then execute it at a fast clip.

Link to comment

Wow that must be difficult and a daily struggle. While I do not suggest alienating people altogether who behave like this, I would suggest giving yourself time to understand if you want to invest emotions on this or not. Slowly, your communication behavior will rub off on him and he probably might open up, though remember, there is a big chance he might not.


This is your decision.

Link to comment

You've been putting up with this for 8 years. You can't make him do anything other than continue walking on eggshells avoiding incurring his wrath....except that, as you are learning the hard way, there is no real way to avoid it. He will find a way to be abusive toward you and yes, that's exactly what you are putting up with - emotionally abusive, angry man. What for? I mean seriously, what for? Being single would actually be more peaceful and emotionally fulfilling than being with someone like that.


You can't fix him, you can't make him do anything. What he does, in his mind, works for him. So in his mind he is not broken, there is nothing to fix and he has a woman in his life who will deal with his crap. Even if he were to wake up one day and say "You know what, I have serious issues and need help.", it would take 1-2 years of intensive therapy for him to even start showing some minor changes, no guarantee that he'll ever be emotionally healthy.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Communication is EVERYTHING in a relationship imo. If he won't open up to you and shuts you down constantly, then you have your answer I'm afraid. His relationship and the person he chose to be with should be a priority for him, no matter how uncomfortable it makes him.

I'd put my foot down here.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...