please help!

[Queen1Victoria]

hello all

i'm a 23 years old university student, in the summer of 2016 i met a 23 guy that really attracted me with his personality more than his look. we started talking and dating for a month but we didn't know that we have feelings for each others until he traveled for 2 weeks. during his travel time he started missing me and started to know that he loves me and so do i. this way we started a healthy relationship, i supported him all the way and he did the same thing for me. after 6 months of a perfect relationship he started a weird conversation with me, he said that he is not planning to stay like this for longer time without doing an official stuff with the relationship, so here i thought that he wanted to go a step forward to let the relationship be more official, but i couldn't say this because i was worried that i understood this wrong, so i was like in the middle with every answer so i could be able to understand what is the point from this conversation. a month have passed and i was thinking all the time about this so when i met him i started the same conversation as before, so he said "if i ever left you, it is because i love you". here i was so shocked, went home thinking.. the very day after this conversation i called him at night, and it was weird because he didn't talk to me during the day although we are studying at the same university and we always meet for a coffe or something even if we have no time for that, so when i called i asked him clearly, "what do you want for this relationship", he clearly answered "i'm not ready to be in a relationship, i want it to be official but it's not the right time and i'm still young for starting a relationship in general" i was shocked but i just said "okay, if you say so, do u want me to finish this relationship" he said yes!!! and sorry!! and we ended the relationship here.

after a week of no contact' i contacted him and asked "why did you do that? are you happy now?" he answered "no it's hard without you, i miss you, i still love you but i don't wanna hurt you." (in our society it is not good for a girl to not marry if she passed age 26 and as he said it was the reason although i said that i have no problem to stay his girlfriend for years until he prepare himself for any official things, and he knows that i have many planes before getting married like finishing my degree and have a good job etc.. ) we finished this conversation after an hour, i didn't contact him after this, because i think if he really loved me he will stay with me no matter what specially when our relationship was good for both of us. but it was my first time i feel like this with someone, i think he is my first love, i talked to him and we met at the university, i was a bit rude to him when we talked, and he is the type who puts his dignity in the first place. we just had a rude conversation and it ended with accepting to be friends only, even less. i said things that i didn't mean because i didn't want to look weak and needy for him. but inside of me i still comepletely in love with him, maybe after the breakup even more. i wanted to hug him as always but preferred to stay strong in front of him because i know he is the type who never will go back of his words.

please help me with advices, i want him back

[Dahl]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

 

I'm sorry for your circumstances and I understand that you are hurting, which is never a good place to be.

 

Help me understand what you are asking for advice on, however.

 

This chap has made himself clear, right? He's done with the relationship, he's never changing his mind?

 

What could you do but turn your attention and love to yourself and begin your healing process?

 

I wish you luck.

[Queen1Victoria]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

 

I'm sorry for your circumstances and I understand that you are hurting, which is never a good place to be.

 

Help me understand what you are asking for advice on, however.

 

This chap has made himself clear, right? He's done with the relationship, he's never changing his mind?

 

What could you do but turn your attention and love to yourself and begin your healing process?

 

I wish you luck.

 

the thing is that although i was in 3 serious relationships before, i really never loved someone this way and nothing really happened between us that could end our relationship. i don't know how to fix our relationship, i really need advices about how to fix what happened.

[Yulia]

A man never says that he is done without being sure about. He made himself clear and i guess he's not in love anymore.

However, it seems that we have cultural misunderstanding here. The best advice you can get is from your best male friend because he knows you the best, What does he says?. If you did'nt discuss it already go on and invite him for a beer and try to see yourself through his eyes.

It sound so frustrating to you, so keep away from dating new guys until you are fully recovered and ready for a new love. Believe me good thing are at the end of a hard way.

 

Yulia

[Dahl]

the thing is that although i was in 3 serious relationships before, i really never loved someone this way and nothing really happened between us that could end our relationship. i don't know how to fix our relationship, i really need advices about how to fix what happened.

 

You are hurting and that is a rotten place to be. You need to focus on you, independent of your relationship with him as well as beginning the process to move on with your life without him. Because he is gone, mate. He ended the relationship. He withdrew himself from your life.

 

I realize this is difficult, to say the least. I'm not sure what else you can do. He doesn't want to be with you. He has ended the relationship.

 

You would not be doing the wrong thing to focus solely on yourself and your own needs, removing him entirely from your present and future plans. He's already removed himself, so I can't think what else you could do.

 

Don't think acceptance of his decision and protecting and supporting your hurting heart is the same thing as your endorsement of his ending relations with you. Rather, it's you accepting the situation as it really is and operating within that reality as opposed to rejecting reality and attempting to substitute your own desires - the latter simply will not work, and will cause you even more pain and strife.

 

It's okay - it's healthy and necessary - for you to put the relationship to the side now and move forward in your life without him. It doesn't mean that's what you wanted, it means that you understand what is, regardless of how you wanted it to be.

 

Turn to and take care of yourself, now. The relationship is over - but *you're* not.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but at least he was very honest and clear upfront.

 

Dating is to get to know someone not to force an 'official relationship' on someone. Go slowly and observe if you even want to date a person.

dating for a month. he clearly answered "i'm not ready to be in a relationship, i want it to be official but it's not the right time and i'm still young for starting a relationship in general"