Goten Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Hello, I'm 28 years old turning 29 in July. There's a girl at my job that just turned 21 last month. I'm physically attracted to her, and would like to ask her out, but I'm afraid that she may find me too "old". Thoughts? Am I overreacting? I have a 39 year old male cousin who is married to a 26 year old woman. But with people making a big deal about age gaps in today's society, with many assuming any older guy is automatically a creep/cradle robber if he likes a younger woman, I'm a little hesitant of pursuing a girl 7-8 years younger than me.
chitown9 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Hello, I'm 28 years old turning 29 in July. There's a girl at my job that just turned 21 last month. I'm physically attracted to her, and would like to ask her out, but I'm afraid that she may find me too "old". Thoughts? Am I overreacting? I have a 39 year old male cousin who is married to a 26 year old woman. But with people making a big deal about age gaps in today's society, with many assuming any older guy is automatically a creep/cradle robber if he likes a younger woman, I'm a little hesitant of pursuing a girl 7-8 years younger than me. Heavens, no. Pursue it. chi
SherrySher Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 No, not too old, I would say if it's in the age rage of ten years it seems normal, typical. That's just my opinion.
Bog man Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Hi goten 7 or 8 years is nothing ,my ex wife was 21 when I met her and I was 34 at the time ,we had a beautiful daughter together, not married to her now but we still get on really well . What I would say to you is go for it and never worry about what people think. Good luck Psychology let me know how you got on
musicman777 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 My parents are 15 years apart, which has took a tool on them in older life. 5-10 year difference with the guy being older I think is acceptable, I don't see a problem why you shouldn't date this woman. More so than her age, I am concerned with you pursuing someone at your workplace. Read through some of the horror stories here and you may think twice on that one.
Clio Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Not too big of an age gap but there may be a gap in terms of maturity and life stages. It also depends on the person. Some girls like older, some don't.
Dahl Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 there may be a gap in terms of maturity and life stages. This is a dead brilliant point. OP, do you know anything more about this girl beyond being physically attracted to her that may be of help to you in your decision? A shared hobby / interest, etc. If not, perhaps you can try to find out and in doing so, if you decide you two may be suitably matched, the information you garner could be of assistance in helping you move your curiosity into a good means to arrange a date around the shared "whatever is shared." Good luck.
RainyCoast Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 no, though it's highly individual. it can be weirder that you are coworkers.
Snny Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Age wouldn't have anything to do with this. The maturity and life situation for a 21 year old is still different compared to a 28 year old. I do not recommend dating co-workers. Some companies have a Conflict of Interest policy where you should not be dating or you can be fired. Dating a co-worker can make a work environment hostile- say that you broke up and you still have to keep coming to work and see/work with her. I would pass this up and try to find someone outside of work.
j.man Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Completely agreed with Snny. It's not about the number of years apart. Case in point, your cousin being 13 years apart from his 26 year old life is probably a lot less impactful than your 7 year difference from this 21 year old. The science suggests we don't really start tapering off developmentally until our late 20s, but we generally do change dramatically up until we're around 24 both due to biology and life circumstances. So your cousin marrying someone who's been out of school, independent, and working is a little different from a 21-year old who's still on mom and dad's car insurance and cell phone plan (generalizing a bit, of course). I'm not so much speaking to maturity levels as I am simply who that person will be at 21 vs. 24 or 25. I know I became a much different person in those years. At 30, I personally wouldn't date a 21 year old for anything serious. For fun? Sure. That said, I'd seriously consider a 21-year old who'd been out of the house and 100% on her own since 18 over a 26 year old post-doc who's never seen the outside of academia. Plenty of variables. But, at the end of the day, you're co-workers, and whether you're 29 or 21 like her, using the workplace as a dating pool always carries the risk of being considered creepy. The fact you are a bit older than her probably doesn't help. I'd consider the other fish in the sea.
Goten Posted February 19, 2017 Author Posted February 19, 2017 The problem is I don't have other ways of meeting girls outside of work. I work two jobs and rarely go out, and i don't like online dating. And she's not really my co-worker, as I work in a completely different department than her, so if things didn't work I wouldn't see her every day any way. As for my cousin, he met his wife when she was 22, and him 35. I will admit I don't know much about her other than she's physically attractive, and seems nice on the surface. Perhaps I'll leave it alone due to her age, but then again I may be selling myself short by doing that.
abitbroken Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 The problem is I don't have other ways of meeting girls outside of work. I work two jobs and rarely go out, and i don't like online dating. And she's not really my co-worker, as I work in a completely different department than her, so if things didn't work I wouldn't see her every day any way. As for my cousin, he met his wife when she was 22, and him 35. I will admit I don't know much about her other than she's physically attractive, and seems nice on the surface. Perhaps I'll leave it alone due to her age, but then again I may be selling myself short by doing that. Don't choose her because there are no other options. make options. you can speed date. You can meet women online, etc. If you are working two jobs - maybe have a six month to one year goal to only work one - find one job that will enable you to do that, change spending choices, etc, to achieve your goal. Also, it depends on when you are working. If you are working days and also weekend days - there are women you can date in the evening. If you work midnights, there are women you can date on the weekends or might be nurses, doctors, work at a factory, etc, that also work your shift or you can have lunch dates. I would hesitate going for someone at work, lest it blow up in your face. If she was already graduated from college, etc, and maybe was 23/24, I'd say go for it, but I would say at 21 its a little iffy. also, are you sure she would want to date someone she works with?
Goten Posted February 19, 2017 Author Posted February 19, 2017 Don't choose her because there are no other options. make options. you can speed date. You can meet women online, etc. If you are working two jobs - maybe have a six month to one year goal to only work one - find one job that will enable you to do that, change spending choices, etc, to achieve your goal. Also, it depends on when you are working. If you are working days and also weekend days - there are women you can date in the evening. If you work midnights, there are women you can date on the weekends or might be nurses, doctors, work at a factory, etc, that also work your shift or you can have lunch dates. I would hesitate going for someone at work, lest it blow up in your face. If she was already graduated from college, etc, and maybe was 23/24, I'd say go for it, but I would say at 21 its a little iffy. also, are you sure she would want to date someone she works with? So is the issue because she's 21 or because she works for the same company as me?
abitbroken Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 So is the issue because she's 21 or because she works for the same company as me? Both. Two strikes
j.man Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I mean I was trying to be gentle about it. But, dude, just let it go. She's a young, attractive woman. Let the workplace be the one place she doesn't have to worry about having to reject dudes. She doesn't need Steve from accounting who reminds her of her older brother coming over and asking her out. Plenty more appropriate venues out there. If you don't have time to find a date outside of work, you don't have time to date. Get your financial bearings and start looking when you can work less. Or just go to bars and do hookups in the meantime.
Goten Posted February 19, 2017 Author Posted February 19, 2017 I mean I was trying to be gentle about it. But, dude, just let it go. She's a young, attractive woman. Let the workplace be the one place she doesn't have to worry about having to reject dudes. She doesn't need Steve from accounting who reminds her of her older brother coming over and asking her out. Plenty more appropriate venues out there. If you don't have time to find a date outside of work, you don't have time to date. Get your financial bearings and start looking when you can work less. Or just go to bars and do hookups in the meantime. So just out of curiosity...if I was 24 instead of 28 it would be "okay" for me to ask her out, right? Seems to me yet again a guy who is a bit older is automatically off limits to any girl under 23. Thanks for the advice any way.
Wiseman2 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 The only problem I see is that she's a coworker. Is she under your supervision or junior to you? That could be problematic. The age is no problem.many assuming any older guy is automatically a creep/cradle robber if he likes a younger woman ]
Dahl Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I dunno. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with my 21 year old self if I had any serious intentions. Or low capacity for 21 year old girl - ness. Which, let's face it, even at its best is still.. Erm. High octane?
Almira23 Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 No, I don't think so. When I was 23 years old, I went on a few dates with a man, who was 31 years old. I think a lot of people always assume that the younger person in the relationship is the immature one, but I don't think age has anything to do with maturity. After few dates, I realized that the 31 year old and I were not very compatible, so I had a conversation with him that it would be best to end things. Well, he lost his mind and started spreading rumors about me, asking co workers about what I was doing when I wasn't at work, and bombarded me with text messages and phone calls. To this day, when he runs into someone at work, he tells them how I dumped him and broke his heart. So, before you ask this woman out, make sure that your level of maturity is higher than that of a 16 year old.
Goten Posted February 20, 2017 Author Posted February 20, 2017 The only problem I see is that she's a coworker. Is she under your supervision or junior to you? That could be problematic. The age is no problem. ] no, she isn't even a co worker. I work in a hotel as a cook downstairs in the banquet kitchen. She works upstairs as a cocktail waitress. I have friends that work upstairs in the restaurant area of the hotel, and when I went to hang out with them on my lunch break, I happened to have seen her. I asked them about her, and they told me she was single. I asked how old she was, they said she recently turned 21. I don't know her other than hello and goodbye, but I am perhaps thinking of trying to get to know her. Who knows, maybe she won't be interested in me, or maybe if I do get to know her, I won't be interested in her. But despite what some say...I feel I should give it a try. If I "let it go" because she's 7 years younger than me...what if I'm missing out on someone good? Should I let something such as a 7 year age difference stop me? It isn't like she's 18 and fresh out of high school. 21 is a fully grown adult capable of legally purchasing and drinking alcohol. And I'm 28, not 38. I'm not old enough to be her father or anything, I feel we are technically from the same generation.
Goten Posted February 20, 2017 Author Posted February 20, 2017 No, I don't think so. When I was 23 years old, I went on a few dates with a man, who was 31 years old. I think a lot of people always assume that the younger person in the relationship is the immature one, but I don't think age has anything to do with maturity. After few dates, I realized that the 31 year old and I were not very compatible, so I had a conversation with him that it would be best to end things. Well, he lost his mind and started spreading rumors about me, asking co workers about what I was doing when I wasn't at work, and bombarded me with text messages and phone calls. To this day, when he runs into someone at work, he tells them how I dumped him and broke his heart. So, before you ask this woman out, make sure that your level of maturity is higher than that of a 16 year old. I agree, it doesn't. I know a guy in his mid 30's who literally still gets drunk and parties every weekend. Yet I know people in their early 20's who never do that, or if they do, they do it once in awhile.
af1995 Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Do ittttt ! Me and my boyfriend are 24 years apart and we've been together for 5 years
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