why is it do hard to move on??

[dtom]

Why is it so hard to move on when it is probably the best thing to do?

me and my ex went through a rough patch for a long time, and in this time I became a bit clingy and she became very distant, I did everything I could to hold on and fix our issues and she put in no effort, then she agreed to sit down and talk about everything and fix it, then ignored me for a week, and because of me trying to talk to her she ended it, she would only contact me in this time to ask me for money, this happened a lot! she had a skin condition during our relationship which stopped her from working and I tried everything I could to support her by taking her to doctors appointments by helping with more things around the house and even helped her financially for a long time which has now put me in debt. the skin condition also meant she stopped any physical aspect of our relationship so we were not intimate for a very long time, which did frustrate me and did mean at times I was unfair on her and fought a lot I admit this was wrong, but I had given up a lot for this girl, I changed jobs, I moved, I helped financially, gave up friends and even gave up sex, and at times this would make me snap. we had a great relationship apart from all this and got on great and always talked about the future we had planned together. and now it is all over, it started with a small break because I got drunk and argued with her about the lack of intimacy in our relationship, this was meant to be a week but got dragged on for 3 months and even during this time she only contacted or saw me if she needed something or help with money, after the break up I spent a lot of my time trying to get her to change her mind and begged for her back and she would say she needed time to think and not to contact her for a month, I tried this and completely failed as I didn't want to be the guy that was waiting for something that would probably not happen and feel like a mug, so I would try and talk to her about how we both feeling and this would just end in an argument in which she asked for more money and ended up refusing to pay me back the money she owes me which is a lot. I know I have put this girl on a pedestal which thinking back at some of her actions and way she treated me she may not deserve, and I know I deserve better, but I cant seem to get her off my mind and live in the "what if" what if I was more supportive? what if I helped more? etc, I always knew if we were to sit down and have a grown up convocation about us and how we were we could fixed a lot of things and may still be together but she refused to do this, and once she finally agreed she ended it. I don't know what to do anymore should I still hold on or should I move on? I feel like this was all my fault and i don't deserve to be with someone and that I'm a bad boyfriend and this plus fact I'm quite a shy guy makes me feel like I will more than likely not meet anyone else again.

[Wiseman2]

What was the "rough patch" and breakup about?

[CrystalBNY]

From reading, it Sounds like you were in a one sided relationship which is probably the reason why it's so hard to move on. You've invested way too much

[dtom]

well the "rough patch" basically started as a small break, which like i said i was stupid and started a argument about the lack of intimacy in the relationship, during that time I worried I was losing her and became a bit much and clingy, and this time went from a week to a kind of on off for months, I knew we needed to have a proper chat in person to fix the issues and come to an understanding and she refused to have this and just constantly ignored me other than when needed my help, or to ask for money. then she finally agreed to have the chat that i was trying to have and then ignored me for even longer and before we could ever have the chat that both agreed to she ended it. she said that she ended it because she was sick of putting in so much effort to fix us which she never did, and I became too much as I would try and talk to her while she was ignoring me for the whole time. I know I shouldn't have become clingy, but i was in a stage where my own girlfriend wouldn't talk to me unless she needed something from me, and would ask for things and second she got them would go back to ignoring me so I felt used and frustrated so tried hard to make things work, and she just gave up on us.

[Cocoapetal]

Speaking as someone IS where you are, I feel like theres a lot of "i did.. XYZ. in an attempt to hold on to her ".. money, time, giving up sex, compromising. I have learnt that you cannot make someone love you. People do what they do because of who they are and what they believe. I feel like you are shouldering too much of the responsibility for the relationship breaking down.. its a two way thing. Both parties have to be on the same page. Both of you have to want it and judging by what you wrote about her.. she didn't.

You can't force another person to dance with you.

 

I suggest you turn that energy inwards and heal yourself and strengthen your heart. You are valuable and precious and if she is not the one who will dance with you.... work on yourself, identify your needs, love yourself, take back all that energy and effort and lean back and let things unfold, if it is meant to be,. you can both speak about your needs from a relaxed and solid place within yourself not out of desperation to get her back. If she isn't, all the inward focus will help you so you are in a good state of mind for the next one.

 

Keep your head up

x