Set back. 3 Months since breakup. About 60 days NC. :-/

[lillorenzo23]

When my ex and I first started dating, he told me about how his ex's best friend tried hooking him up with a guy named Joey, but he was already talking to me. About two months before our break up, we were out getting a few drinks with some of his co-workers, and one of his co-workers also knew Joey, so they talked about him for a little.

 

We broke up about three months ago, and he told me he needs to "take time to be single and work on himself" blah blah blah.

 

Since the break up, I've blocked him and every single person that could potentially post something with him on all of my social media accounts. We've been NC for almost 60 days now. I've been working on myself. I've gone on a few casual dates, not with the expectations of finding "the one", but just to get back out there again and make some connections without pressing too hard. Honestly it hasn't been too bad. I've met a few cool people and have had some fun in the process.

 

I don't, however, think that I'm ready for another serious relationship because I still miss my ex and think about him pretty frequently.

 

Today, the Joey guy previously mentioned, popped up on my "Facebook people you may know". In my dumb-a$% curiosity, I decided to look at his profile. There was a post he was tagged in at the beginning of January by a friend of his titled "Out with the people that I love". There were 9 pictures, the first 6 on his wall were him with random friends. So I clicked on the +3 to look at the others, and the first one that popped up was a picture of him next to my ex.

 

So, basically my facebook creeping (which I told myself I wouldn't do) confirmed that he is in fact talking to somebody else. Just so happens that the somebody else was somebody that was lined up from the beginning of our two year relationship.

 

I feel pretty crappy about it, but it's a weird indifferent crappy. I don't want him back, and would never want him back because he treated me terribly and I deserve better, but at the same time it hurts my heart to see how he could just jump to the next. He was with his ex before me for 2 years, and dated me 3 weeks after their split for 2 years. Not even two months after our split, and he's tagged in pictures with a new guy. I guess I feel bad for him a little, and the new guy. I feel bad that I don't think he's capable of unconditionally loving somebody. I don't think he is in a relationship to have a life-long commitment, but rather dates so he isn't alone. I'm not the type of person who can say I "love" somebody, and then "love" again so quickly after. I need my time to get over it before I can invest myself into something real. I guess I just needed to vent, so thanks for hearing me out guys.

[luisannalui]

Everyone heal in different ways. From your previous post I see that you are somehow "selfish" you mentioned how upset you was that your ex was on Tinder how can he moved so far etc. But you was on Tider too! Same again, you have been on casual dates as part of your healing recovery. Now you see that hes dating someone else and you are upset because "he jumped to the next" stop focusing on him and focus on yourself! Use this time to get to know you more. Focus on your mistakes so you don't do the same again. I remember you mentioned that one of your problem was jumping from one relationship to another (mines too) and in my case Im not into getting emotionally involve with anyone "casual dating is fine". I feel that getting into another relationship without healing does not give you the opportunity to identify the patterns and improve them. This is the first time I stay single and man is hard. Because Im starting to get to know myself. I cannot put myself into a relationship or casual dating until Im able to control my emotions.

 

I dont want to be like others that are dating others and "healing" at the same time is not fair for me neither the new partner. I dont want to put myself in a situation where I have to explain why I do certain things (ex avoid my ex, there are feelings thats why you are avoiding or "not doing certain things" bc it remind me of my ex") once I take full responsibility of my actions and life but in the meantime healing and moving on are my priorities. Good luck!

 

 

Glad to have you back! Keep in touch.

[lillorenzo23]

Everyone heal in different ways. From your previous post I see that you are somehow "selfish" you mentioned how upset you was that your ex was on Tinder how can he moved so far etc. But you was on Tider too! Same again, you have been on casual dates as part of your healing recovery. Now you see that hes dating someone else and you are upset because "he jumped to the next" stop focusing on him and focus on yourself! Use this time to get to know you more. Focus on your mistakes so you don't do the same again. I remember you mentioned that one of your problem was jumping from one relationship to another (mines too) and in my case Im not into getting emotionally involve with anyone "casual dating is fine". I feel that getting into another relationship without healing does not give you the opportunity to identify the patterns and improve them. This is the first time I stay single and man is hard. Because Im starting to get to know myself. I cannot put myself into a relationship or casual dating until Im able to control my emotions.

 

I dont want to be like others that are dating others and "healing" at the same time is not fair for me neither the new partner. I dont want to put myself in a situation where I have to explain why I do certain things (ex avoid my ex, there are feelings thats why you are avoiding or "not doing certain things" bc it remind me of my ex") once I take full responsibility of my actions and life but in the meantime healing and moving on are my priorities. Good luck!

 

 

Glad to have you back! Keep in touch.

 

Yeah, it sounds hypocritical, but there's a difference between casual dating and relationship jumping in my opinion. Idk what other people think, but if somebody is capable of "falling in love" with people so quick (2 year relationship, 3 week break, 2 year relationship, 1 month break, new relationship...) then do they ever actually experience falling in love? Or can they just not be "alone". Yes, I am going on casual dates, but I didn't latch on to the first person that told me I was awesome..or the first person to send me a good morning text. I've been clear that I'm getting out there trying to meet new people and make friendships, and if things should turn serious...they probably aren't for a little while. So far, I've made two really good friends in the process...but I'm not looking to "fall in love" so quickly.

 

Does that make sense?

[luisannalui]

Yeah, it sounds hypocritical, but there's a difference between casual dating and relationship jumping in my opinion. Idk what other people think, but if somebody is capable of "falling in love" with people so quick (2 year relationship, 3 week break, 2 year relationship, 1 month break, new relationship...) then do they ever actually experience falling in love? Or can they just not be "alone". Yes, I am going on casual dates, but I didn't latch on to the first person that told me I was awesome..or the first person to send me a good morning text. I've been clear that I'm getting out there trying to meet new people and make friendships, and if things should turn serious...they probably aren't for a little while. So far, I've made two really good friends in the process...but I'm not looking to "fall in love" so quickly.

 

Does that make sense?

 

That makes sense. Focus on you and forget about what your ex is doing or not.

[lillorenzo23]

That makes sense. Focus on you and forget about what your ex is doing or not.

 

I guess that's the only thing I can do. Thank you!