He asked for space but then stopped talking to me completely

[phoebeava]

Hi, so I met someone online at the end of last summer, we dated for a few months and things were amazing but after the events I am about to try to describe, he stopped talking to me and seemed to delete me out of his life.

 

"Dave" came out of the blue, I've dated some guys who really weren't right for me and was beginning to feel a little jaded with dating. However, when I got to know Dave I felt like I had met the man of my dreams. We had so much in common, similar goals, dreams, upbringing, he actually reminded me of different family members of mine. We are both in our early 30s and employed in decent jobs. He was such a gentleman too, which I rarely come across. After a couple of months we both had fallen hard. He said the ''L'' word first and a few days later I followed. I knew it was soon but I felt right. We would see each other at least once a week, text throughout the day and talk on the phone almost everyday.

 

About a month or so after we stated dating, he discovered that a cousin of his was terminally ill and not likely to make it to the end of the year. When he told me about this I encouraged him to spend time with his family and I understood if he couldn't spend too much time with me but he'd usually say he's rather see me, so I went along with his choice. Unfortunately, he lost his cousin at the beginning of December. I saw him the day after his cousin's passing and he was just putting on a brave face and trying to get on with things.

 

We didn't see each other or speak much for the next few weeks but I just tried to show him as much support as possible and said I was there for him. We had discussed going on a short trip for my birthday which was mid-December but a week or so before I told him I would understand if he no longer wanted to go. He replied he didn't want to go at that point of time but asked for a rain-check for the new year. He also suggested we'd just do dinner instead, which I agreed to but didn't push for any set plans. Then a few days before my birthday he mentioned that he's decided to work long days on and around my bday but suggests we meet for a meal in the evening once he's finished work. I wasn't too keen on eating a big meal in the late evening, so I said I'd think about it. Anyways, the day we were meant to go out he fell ill and was sent home from work. The next day which was my actual birthday I was texting him and calling him to see if he was ok and ask if he wanted me to go check in on him. I didn't realise he had gone back to work and therefore had no access to his phone. He then got annoyed at me because I had misunderstood where he was that day. From that point we argued via text for a few days. When I tried to call him, he wouldn't pick up and eventually he texted me and said he needed space and couldn't talk.

 

On Christmas day, I just sent him a text to wish him a Merry Christmas and he responded in the same manner. On New Year's Eve he texted me to wish me a happy New Year and I responded in the same manner. A few days later I asked if we could talk yet. He just replied that he was trying to sort himself out, had a lot going on. But then he mentioned things had changed between us and we needed to talk in person but first he wanted to sort himself out...whatever that meant. I said if we were gonna break up I would prefer us to do it sooner rather than later. He asked if that's what I wanted, and I replied of course not, no. Then he said, "then please don not even bring that into the equation. If that's what I wanted I would have said!" A few more messages were sent back and forth and I mentioned I still wanted to give him his Christmas gift and he assured me that I would see him but just never said when.

 

The 1st week of the new year I noticed he had deleted me and most of our mutual friends off Facebook. I think he was also temporarily blocking me on whatsapp. This just made me angry at him. I started thinking he was just starting to mess me about and wanted to break up but was just to chicken to do it like a man. So I made it easy for him and told him I was done. I regretted it though, especially because I know he was going through a tough time. I just didn't know what he wanted and couldn't understand why he was pushing me away so much. He'd been so open with me earlier on and things were so good in the relationship before. A month later I mailed him a letter to see if he'd talk to me but he sent it right back to sender. Didn't even open it. I was devastated. I really need him to know I regretted walking away so I basically sent the letter via text which I know he read but still ignored.

 

Was I wrong for walking away, should I have just given him space for however long he needed? Or was he being unreasonable? Am I stupid for still wanting and waiting to hear from him?

 

I know this was a long read but I would really appreciate the thoughts of others on this situation.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How long did you date? It sounds like the madly in love novelty wore off and real life happened. Sadly he was trying to tiptoe out without a breakup scenario.

 

Did he recently breakup with someone? Did he see someone from his past at his cousin's funeral?

we dated for a few months and he stopped talking to me and seemed to delete me out of his life. he mentioned things had changed between us and we needed to talk in person but first he wanted to sort himself out...whatever that meant. I made it easy for him and told him I was done. A month later I mailed him a letter to see if he'd talk to me but he sent it right back to sender. Didn't even open it.

[MissCanuck]

No, you weren't wrong for walking away. He was backing out of the relationship anyway.

[angrythoughts]

You're not wrong for walking away at all. To be honest you did break up with him but you're not even technically walking away. You're still trying to contact him.

 

Cut him off the same way he did you. What he did wasn't fair to you at all. He kept you waiting like a dog. You're better than that.

[Twinflamer]

Sorry you are in pain. If its any consolation you did the right thing by walking away because unfortunately, it seems his feelings were beginning to wane and he was trying to let, both, you & the relationship slowly fade away.

Plus, if there was any doubt of that; before hand, then the fact he sent back your letter- without even reading it-cinches that fact completely.

I would suggest going NC and begin emotional healing while working on yourself- that way, down the road: when you are ready-(how ever long that takes) you will be emotional prepared to begin a healthy relationship with someone who truly values you.

[chitown9]

Relationships that take off like a rocket at the onset usually burn out quickly. chi

[phoebeava]

Tbh when I look back, things did move really quickly, we were together 3/4 months. I guess I just excited and carried away by someone who was treating me like a princess and saying all the things I wanted to hear. It just disappoints me how someone can switch up like that and have total disregard for my feelings. Makes it hard to trust all over again.

 

Thanks for the replies, it is appreciated and helped confirm what I was already thinking.

[Jordan111]

Hey, sorry to hear what you went through. You sound like a very sensitive and caring girl and for some reason, he changed. I feel your pain because I also cannot comprehend how some people can just forget and move on so quickly without turning around. Just move on - even if he does come back would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone so erratic with terrible communication skills. You will feel better in time.