What should I do?

[lousyloser]

So there's this girl, ( but isn't that how the story always goes.. ) but I'm not sure if mine is your typical "Boy meets Girl" kind of story. I'm in highschool, so I don't know why I'm feeling stuff like this. She's a year older than me and she's in her last year of highschool, I still got two. I think she's the most imperfect perfect creature I've ever seen. When she looks at me I can't describe the feelings flowing through my body. When she smiles, I smile, but try my best to hide it. Basically her mood makes or breaks my day. So what's the problem? Everything! We barely speak, she's always with her friends, I'm too much of a loser to grab opportunities.. it's just "ugh".

 

The thing is I've felt this way for a while now, and last year I tried at the best of my ability to get out of the friendzone. I thought I changed things between us, but the friendzone is dark and full of terrors. At times I always think we're something more, because we don't show any signs of just being friends. I called her on Christmas, I called her on New year's, I gave a Valentine's gift.. But when someone asks us if we're dating, she says we're "JUST FRIENDS". I treat her like my girlfriend, I speak to her like my girlfriend, most of my friends think she's my girlfriend, I even touch, hug and even hold hands with her.. like she's my girlfriend. But we're "JUST FRIENDS". Most times I forget she's not my girlfriend.

 

She knows how I feel, but I don't think she feels the same way. We spoke/argued about how I get 1% of her attention on a regular basis, and I don't know if all these feelings I have inside are worth wasting on that 1%. She probably has better things to do with that 1% then waste it on me. I told her that 1% is better than nothing, but I lied. I hate just being 'that guy' to her, I hate just being another hello, I hate just being another "friend". I mean.. I really, really, really, really, really like her. And everything is just confusing. I understand that she's going through the whole school work first thing, and a boyfriend will just be a distraction. But how am I a distraction? I'm the one who always says "you look beautiful", "you look pretty", "you look cute", "you'll do great", "don't worry", "you're amazing", and basically every time she doubts herself.. I'm there. But it's never the other way around.

 

So, should I just forget about her and move on? But I don't know if I could. I don't know if I could let it all go. I wish she never spoke to me, but life just wouldn't of been the same without her. What should I do?

[Wiseman2]

Focus on yourself. Join sports teams. Get into some clubs and groups. Have interests, get good at things. Improve social skills. Talk to other girls. Work out, make over your image with better clothes, grooming, etc. You have a crush, that's fine but if you pull back, stop buzzing in the friendzone and start being a unique guy...that will get more attention.

[gebaird]

It sounds like you've tried to change the situation and can't. What options does that leave you? Let her go or accept things as they are. Either of those options will bring you more peace than continuing to pour all your energy into something that will never yield the desired returns.

 

I'm sure you're feeling a sense of urgency as she will be graduating in a few months, but your wanting a relationship won't make her want it.

 

This isn't the last time in your life you'll find someone with whom you have great chemistry.

 

Be a good friend to her and enjoy the moments you get to spend together. Don't frustrate her with too much relationship talk and "you're not meeting my needs" conversations. Be grateful for the attention you do get instead of complaining that you don't get more.

[J Miracle]

Your that guy. That friend guy. We all know that guy. Don't be that guy.

 

You have a choice in this matter. Stop seeing her as a girlfriend. When she gets a real boyfriend, and stops holding your hand, how will you feel?

 

She's getting your full attention and your starving for hers, and she knows it. You're not boyfriend material in her eyes. That's ok, accept your friends, or move on from her. Don't take crumbs from anybody.

[lousyloser]

Thanks. That's exactly what I wanted to hear, and probably what I needed to hear.

[J Miracle]

Also LousyLoser, change that screen name. You'll never get anywhere in life with that type of self proclamation.

[Dahl]

Hello, lou, and welcome to the forum.

 

Whatever you do, I hope you are writing about it. Seriously. You are in high school? You write more cogently than a couple of NYT listers I know. Yowza. Please say you write often and prolifically and if you do not, please say that you will start.

 

Right, my apologies, momentarily distracted, back now.

 

I'm so sorry that you are in such a tumultuous position. I can appreciate what you mean about 'forgetting' her and moving on seeming insurmountable. But for your well-being, I ardently advocate for moving on, however it can be managed.

 

You are clearly an intelligent bloke, capable of expansive and yet organized thinking. Is there any support for you at school or in your community to help you channel your distress creatively? I can't get past the idea that some type of artistic endeavor might aid you especially at this difficult period.

 

Can you potentially join or form an activity based group to engage, hopefully absorb your ranging thoughts, emotions? In asking this, I mean to suggest that you explore the idea concurrently with your weighing your decision over what to do with this relationship, not as a result of ending it. Just as a softer, almost buffer type means to support you as you consider such a monumental choice. Perhaps that way, you will not feel pressed nor rushed - if only by yourself - to make a decision before you feel ready to acclimate to its results? Such a move may also win you some new perspective, breathing space - even possible additions to your support network.

 

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

[lousyloser]

Dahl, it's a strange and a new experience for me, yet I'm glad to be here.

 

To answer your question I mostly express my self in writing songs, rhymes and the occasional poem.

 

And I truly appreciate your advice concerning my predicament as well as your off topic advice/encouragement.

[Dahl]

Thank you, lou, and I am sorry for hijacking your thread (but, oi, am I dead pleased to hear that you are writing/composing!) though another thought in this vein occurred to me - have you at all been put off your creative undertakings by this stress?

 

If so, my concern would be that the deficit may be adding exponentially to your stress, in and of itself.

 

Also, in that note, are you eating and exercising well? (well enough counts, too; you can only do so much during troubled times) and forgive how pedantic this concern might sound, but these little changes can add up in big, ugly ways and quickly.

 

Wishing you all the best.

[lousyloser]

I appreciate the concern, but I'm 100% healthy.

 

I'm not suffering from any depression symptoms, although on an online depression test my results were moderate. But basically I don't undergo any physical trauma, I'm just an over thinker. Meaning everything happens in my head.

 

Oh and I've never been put off from writing due to stress etc. To be honest I believe I write better.

One of my favourite artists/musician once said in one of his songs, "A little more pain makes for better music". Which can be transferred into a few other scenarios where "music" would be replaced with whatever your passion is. example: painting

 

Thank you once again for your concerns and wishes.

[Dahl]

Fair points, lou and you certainly don't give the impression of being unhealthy in any way, for the record.

 

I couldn't agree more with you about working despite - perhaps often because of - stressful / strange times and I'm glad to hear it.

 

I hope you will update the forum as things progress, and, again, truly, all the best.