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hey guys I want some counseling .. I met a girl online .. At first she said that she doesn't wanna fall for me and we will be just friends .. I said ok it's our first chat anyways who knows where this will go .. then we started chatting on daily basis for an average of 4-5 hours a day .. and she always was the one who started talking .. I thought she might be liking me more than a friend so i started to flirt from time to time and then I made a small test if she is into somethings I like and she didn't show any interest .. so I started to talk crudely and kinda changed the way i used to talk to her .. But she kept on talking normally later on and knocking on my doors like she do everyday .. And currently im still talking in the same way .. I don't understand how she can talk all this time and share many personal things to somebody while you are just being a friend .. And I don't wanna spend my time everyday with someone who I really can't tell what I am to her .. I wanna know if we are just friends ? Then fine but we can't talk all this time every day on nearly anything she or I encounter in my life .. If we are gonna continue talking this way then I don't see myself doing this to a friend .. I won't ask her directly as I don't wanna embarrass or hurt her or myself to be honest .. I just want clues or other things from you to help me out dealing with this situation .. Thanks in advance !

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Yeah I don't think I could do this either. Someone I'm attracted to it either has to be less invasive or a relationship. I wouldn't spend hrs talking to someone about everything under the sun unless I'm with them. Sounds like you tried for more and she stopped it. So that's your answer.

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Did you ever meet or ask her out on a date? This much chatting is friendzone behavior and "talking crudely" is a red flag for a lot of women, before you start dating.

 

The best way to show interest and avoid the friendzone is to ask her to meet and cut way back on all the chatting, 4-5 hrs a day is way too much. If she won't meet you, you're wasting your time and should move on.

I met a girl online .. then we started chatting on daily basis for an average of 4-5 hours a day .. so I started to talk crudely. I won't ask her directly.
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hey guys I want some counseling .. I met a girl online .. At first she said that she doesn't wanna fall for me and we will be just friends .. I said ok it's our first chat anyways who knows where this will go .. then we started chatting on daily basis for an average of 4-5 hours a day .. and she always was the one who started talking .. I thought she might be liking me more than a friend so i started to flirt from time to time and then I made a small test if she is into somethings I like and she didn't show any interest .. so I started to talk crudely and kinda changed the way i used to talk to her .. But she kept on talking normally later on and knocking on my doors like she do everyday .. And currently im still talking in the same way .. I don't understand how she can talk all this time and share many personal things to somebody while you are just being a friend .. And I don't wanna spend my time everyday with someone who I really can't tell what I am to her .. I wanna know if we are just friends ? Then fine but we can't talk all this time every day on nearly anything she or I encounter in my life .. If we are gonna continue talking this way then I don't see myself doing this to a friend .. I won't ask her directly as I don't wanna embarrass or hurt her or myself to be honest .. I just want clues or other things from you to help me out dealing with this situation .. Thanks in advance !

 

For me...if I can't tell if they're interested then I move on. I'm not interested in guessing games. If someone is interested then please SHOW me your interested and I do the same when I'm interested.

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Now that you've gotten to know her better, ask her if she'd like to be more than friends. If not, have a discussion about boundaries (how long/often you are available to chat, etc.)

 

Thank you .. I guess setting boundaries would be the next step : ))

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She did tell you from the start that she didn't want to fall for you and just wanted to be friends. I don't know how long you have been talking for, but you mentioned you used to flirt with her from time to time, did she ever used to flirt back? If not then you have the answer to your question.

 

It's easier to open up to someone online and share personal things. So many people use the internet as an outlet to be honest in a way that they couldn't be in real life and you don't have to like someone to do that.

 

Yes, 4-5 hour chats a day is a long time, my guess is this girl has time on her hands and wants someone to chat to. If you feel that the feelings you have are not reciprocated then don't make yourself available as often, cut down the amount of time you spend chatting to her and she will soon get the messagd

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Did you ever meet or ask her out on a date? This much chatting is friendzone behavior and "talking crudely" is a red flag for a lot of women, before you start dating.

 

The best way to show interest and avoid the friendzone is to ask her to meet and cut way back on all the chatting, 4-5 hrs a day is way too much. If she won't meet you, you're wasting your time and should move on.

 

Thanks wiseman2 for ur help .. I really wanna do this but we are far away .. Different countries so it's not that easy to meet up .. I think she is happy with the current situation and haven't tried to make a move ( I have tried and mentioned it to see what she would say but she joked about it every time she didn't talk seriously )

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Don't settle for being just friends, what's the point there? It just won't be enough for you. Make sure you tell her that you find her attractive and you can never be just her friend. She can take it or leave it

 

This reply is the nearest to what I feel like doing .. But the problem is that I don't wanna show her that I wanted her and she ditched me .. Some ego issues you know : ))

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For me...if I can't tell if they're interested then I move on. I'm not interested in guessing games. If someone is interested then please SHOW me your interested and I do the same when I'm interested.

 

Yes surfdiva but unfortunately not all people are easy like that .. Thanks for your reply : ))

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She did tell you from the start that she didn't want to fall for you and just wanted to be friends. I don't know how long you have been talking for, but you mentioned you used to flirt with her from time to time, did she ever used to flirt back? If not then you have the answer to your question.

 

We have been talking for about 5 months now .. She says to me things like you are cute and somethings like that .. When she watch something online she sends me to watch along with ber .. When she buy clothes she send me sometimes pics to ask my opinion .. None of my ordinary friends do this .. !! This is waaay too much for being just friends but as I mentioned , sometimes I feel she won't go the extra mile for me .. She won't show interest in my things as I show .. You know what I mean ?

Thanks for your reply loriana : )

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Are you looking for long distance sex chat? What's the point if you can never meet? How do you know she's for real and not a catfish? Have you video chatted?

 

No wiseman2 we met in a medicine discussion group as we are med students .. She is just a girl like the ones i meet in real life .. So the point of talking to her is like the point of talking to any other girl you meet in real life and see if things will develop .. My intention if i loved anygirl is to marry her at the end ..

 

And no she is not a catfish I'm sure .. I have her number,Facebook, snapchat, instagram .. Etc .. and talked to her sometimes .. I know how to spot the catfish don't worry ..

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Thanks wiseman2 for ur help .. I really wanna do this but we are far away .. Different countries so it's not that easy to meet up .. I think she is happy with the current situation and haven't tried to make a move ( I have tried and mentioned it to see what she would say but she joked about it every time she didn't talk seriously )

 

If you're in different countries, pushing the status issue would change what exactly?

You two talk about everything else under the sun. . so I can assume that your are testing her by `talking crudely' it's the sexual component that's missing for you?. . .Is that what you are looking for?

 

I hear this all the time, but I still don't get it.

So . . you like each other and sex chat. That's the most this will ever be. Is this enough?

 

If you 4 to 5 hours a day to dedicate to someone then why wouldn't you invest this in someone realtime?

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If you're in different countries, pushing the status issue would change what exactly?

You two talk about everything else under the sun. . so I can assume that your are testing her by `talking crudely' it's the sexual component that's missing for you?. . .Is that what you are looking for?

 

I hear this all the time, but I still don't get it.

So . . you like each other and sex chat. That's the most this will ever be. Is this enough?

 

If you 4 to 5 hours a day to dedicate to someone then why wouldn't you invest this in someone realtime?

 

What would change is that I can then move on to the next step and try seriously to go to where she lives .. Meet her up and marry her .. I am not looking for sex chat and won't ever do it so please everyone stop bringing this issue up .. Thank you for your reply reinventmyself : ))

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It sounds like you are friends. If you want a gf, get on some dating apps and start dating local girls you can actually see and touch and kiss in real life.

 

Wiseman2 , this thing haven't started for me looking for a girl to date .. We just met there on that group , then things developed to the confusion point I'm telling you now ..

Anyways thank you for your time and replies : ))

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We have been talking for about 5 months now .. She says to me things like you are cute and somethings like that .. When she watch something online she sends me to watch along with ber .. When she buy clothes she send me sometimes pics to ask my opinion .. None of my ordinary friends do this .. !! This is waaay too much for being just friends but as I mentioned , sometimes I feel she won't go the extra mile for me .. She won't show interest in my things as I show .. You know what I mean ?

Thanks for your reply loriana : )

 

Yeah I get what you mean, it sounds like she likes to talk about herself more than she likes to talk about anything else. It really does sound like she just sees you as a friend.

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Get out there and meet some tangible human beings. It's so easy today: tinder, okc, bumble, eharmony. Endless

 

Your 5 months in and still no clue. Never met her. Different countries. All for what? Your a friend in the respective zone, you probably can't claw your way out of it.

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