is it wrong to still feel this way?

[KatzenMoon]

so I've been on and off with my ex since we "officially" broke up in 2015. the reasons I used the " is because since 2015 we have been in constant contact since even when I have gone NC and we have both blocked each other only to unblock afterwards. what still sticks with me is that neither of us have been able to truly move on to a successful relationship. I have tried and he has tried only to get burned twice. we have several mutual friends and see each other from time to time. we have been doing the friends thing and last year it sort of came to a head when he accused me of smothering him so I backed off only for him to come back around. when that happened I treaded lightly and didn't "smother" him with affection and attention since I didn't want another accusation. this lead to an entire spring/summer of constant hanging out and contact yet still I felt him pulling away again. again I never tried to smother him or force him into another relationship. I never said those words to him it was my FRIENDS who questioned our friendship. to be honest once I confronted him about where this was going and he told our mutual friend "we'll see".

 

what really has me stuck here is the words and actions he makes. he has made empty promises to my dad only to come back around and randomly fufill them acting like the weirdness isn't weird. (there are still some things he said left undone)

 

there are tons of unfinished projects around my house he was going to finish yet hasn't.

 

he has been dating but nothing permanent which again raises more flags to me

 

that and the last contact we had was him accusing me of getting "stood up" by a guy who was going to give me tickets to a game and he totally misunderstood that because the guy is married and was going with his daughter and had extra tickets which is why he asked. he popped a complete 180 after asking me why I couldn't go to the game. this lead into him accusing me of talking about our relationship and that it wasn't right because "yeah I made mistakes but no need to tell everybody" and I didn't "tell everybody". plus he made it seem like one of my friends were flipping the bird at him when it was just because we were taking a selfie. I sent the picture to him and he assumed that (weird I know)

 

I haven't seen him in 6 months and it's eating away at me that he won't communicate with me about anything. he still has me added on Facebook and I haven't texted him either. there have been times since our last meeting that I have asked him to hang out but I never pushed him to hang out. I just thought he'd like to get out and have fun. he doesn't like being asked last minute but when I asked him out to my friend's birthday party (when the selfie happened) I had asked him earlier in the day if he would like to meet me there and he didn't answer until I asked him again when I got there.

 

sorry for the long post but I needed to get this out.

 

thanks for reading

[No1]

At some point you are going to have to take control of the romantic part of your life because you are waiting for him to make them for you. You can say you see flags, but they dont scare you away or make you change your behavior. Even after 6 months of No Contact you are still waiting for him to finish up projects around your house.

So what are you waiting for? Take control. Let him go, purge him from your life and start fresh today. Its been since 2015...decide

[Wiseman2]

You and your dad need to hire and Pay for a professional to do this work. Not depend on someone clearly flaky and unreliable. You as well may want to consider whether someone is compatible with you, is on the same page and wants the same things on a consistent basis. Why were you both tolerating flaky unreliable behavior from this guy?

 

On/off relationships are often about good sex but horrible everything else. It's a game of one step forward two steps back. Each breakup weakens things because the real issues are never resolved and getting back together is usually because of missing sex and not wanting to move on or deal with the pain of breakups.

 

It was a vicious cycle, not a relationship. He has a gf/is dating. He shouldn't be talking to you at all. You too should stay no contact and delete and block him from all messaging and social media. That's the only way to heal and move forward to a more stable relationship.

so I've been on and off with my ex since we "officially" broke up in 2015. he has made empty promises to my dad only to come back around and randomly fufill them acting like the weirdness isn't weird. there are tons of unfinished projects around my house he was going to finish yet hasn't. he has been dating .I haven't seen him in 6 months and it's eating away at me that he won't communicate with me about anything.

[KatzenMoon]

these are BIG projects only he has the tools for. plus he was going to take something off my dads hands and sell it and share the profits. I don't like how he makes promises and then forgets about it like he never said anything. my dad was finally coming around and liking him and he does this. we have too much common ground for me to just walk away.

[No1]

Is your X the only man in town that could do these projects? No other person within 30 miles cant do this job? Katzen... you have been waiting around since 2015. There is nothing wrong with walking away. What you are doing is walking away from the current situation because let me ask you how is your strategy going for you so far? 6 months of no contact doesnt seem like its working. You are too afraid and as long as you make excuses for him, then nothing will change. You are keeping him to his past promises when they should of been thrown out the window the day you two broke up.

[Wiseman2]

No. You want a connection to him, that's why you and your dad think this. You may have to Pay For labor things but it stops the "me and my dad are hostages" victim mentality. Even places as ubiquitous as Home Depot have contractors.

 

Try this and send the link to your dad also: these are BIG projects only he has the tools for. plus he was going to take something off my dads hands and sell it and share the profits.

[ShatteredMan]

^^Completely agree. It is akin to frequenting places where your ex hangs out, shops, works.

 

Get a contractor.

[Hollyj]

these are BIG projects only he has the tools for. plus he was going to take something off my dads hands and sell it and share the profits. I don't like how he makes promises and then forgets about it like he never said anything. my dad was finally coming around and liking him and he does this. we have too much common ground for me to just walk away.

 

Talk about a ridiculous excuse!

 

Move on with your life! You do not belong together.

[KatzenMoon]

OK. first off I have done some of the things by myself -however- I don't like how he has said he will finish these things to my dad and he hasn't. why even bring them up if you don't even plan on finishing them. everytime he came over here he started a project or made promises.

 

plus I been dating here and there but nothing serious. I've been working on myself and picking up more hours at work. this is something I wasn't doing when I was living with him. he was doing all the work and I was basically the "wife" at home cooking and cleaning. he lives alone now and is doing all that and is having a really hard time doing it all himself. he used to text me to come over and help him but now that has suddenly stopped but he still tells our friends that he still needs help.

 

I'm still struggling with the sudden silence and blaming me for things I didn't even do. everytime I even mention a man in the picture (the guy who was going to give me tickets) he flips out and starts bringing up something that is totally irrelevant and blows the situation out of proportion. when I try to explain the situation he won't listen to me at all which brings me to the silence again. I WANT to be there for him because of our past (going on 6 years now) yet give him the space he wants. I'm not the same girl who has been smothering him and blowing up his phone when he doesn't text me. that's the part I've really changed about me.

 

don't get me wrong.. but I love a good challenge.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. Focus on working more and getting financial independence and a career direction. Also focus on improving your self. Work out, improve your self image, join some club or groups, volunteer expand your interests a outside of being a "housewife".

 

You broke up, he kicked you out. End it. Your dad can get a contractor.

 

Focus on dating more seriously. Most of all he doesn't want you running over to mommy him. Stop all contact and move forward not backwards. Find more elevated challenges than hanging onto an on/off ex. Invest in yourself.

I been dating here and there but nothing serious. I've been working on myself and picking up more hours at work. he was doing all the work and I was basically the "wife" at home cooking and cleaning.

[KatzenMoon]

we did do things together along with our mutual friends all the time. the thing is I didn't have a car and a license but now I have that. last year I had a taste of what our relationship would be like if he lived by himself and I came over. that worked for about 2-3 months during the summer until we went to a show and after that he slowly stopped talking to me. he did all the asking me over stuff not me. now it seems I'm back to square one. our niece is the one suffering because I think she knows what's going on.