He's very hard to read

[luckycharms234]

Me and this guy have been dating for about 9 months now. Of course when we first started dating it was like a dream come true, we fell for each other fast and spent every day together. He always had fantastic things to say about me, said he had never had this kind of connection before, never met this kind of woman before. we couldn't keep our hands off each other. He'd call me repeatedly just to say goodnight one last time, leave his place late at night to come and kiss me. Basically he was totally smitten and so was I. He ended up moving in with me temporarily. It's been about 2 months now and he's about to be moving in with a new roommate. But he's so different now. He constantly finds a way to mock me or pick at me, and just brushes it off by saying he's "just messing with me" he jokes about things no one should really joke about whether it be my physical appearance, my intelligence, my anxiety, my accomplishments in my life or lack there of. I'm 22 he's 29, and he is starting to put a lot of pressure on me to get my life together. Maybe I'm reading into too much because he swears he's just trying to motivate me and push me to better myself but he knows just how to do it to make me feel like a failure. I'm sure it stems from his father who is an ex navy seal and a total hard ass, but that's a whole other story. On top of all this he's not nearly as affectionate as he used to be. Brushes my affection aside too. When I talk to him about this he doesn't see where I'm coming from he says "I promise you I wouldn't be with you if I honestly didn't love you, I just like to joke with you. You're great, you're fantastic, I tell you this all the time. You're just overthinking it." And maybe I am, I let it go for a while and things are still really good just not as great as they used to be when he used to look at me like he had the best thing in the world. It wasn't till today that I decided it was time to ask for advice, because there's been other incidents lately where he jokes a lot about my exes. How I'm gonna go run off with one of them. (he tends to focus on one specifically) he's sworn since the beginning of our relationship that he's not the jealous type, and I think that's mostly true but when he jokes about me cheating on him it's just confusing. I was showing him a picture on my phone and at the same time I got a message from that one ex I know he doesn't like (even if he doesn't show it) he immediately started to laugh it off and I told him how he (my ex) had messaged me earlier asking me about a place we went to in the past. It was an innocent conversation. But for the rest of the day he's been finding ways to joke about it saying that he expected to come back from the store and find me in bed with him. Kept jokingly asking if I was texting my ex when I was on my phone, weird things like that. I just honestly don't know what to think about it. Is he actually jealous and not wanting to admit it? Or is he thinking that I'm actually planning on going to cheat on him and is showing just how much he doesn't care? He's pretty self assured and I know he's not the type to let a break up break him down. He also has told me he trusts me %100, so maybe he's not worried about it at all. But what about the other weird behavior? Is he losing interest? Or am I really just reading too deep into all of this? He could just be ready for my to put the effort in to making a change in my life, lord knows I need it, and I've procrastinated long enough, if I know him well enough that's one thing he doesn't tolerate. That and excuses, he's ended other relationships because he thought they were stuck where they were in their lives and didn't want to move forward. Could he be seeing that in me now too? So many thoughts running through my head. I hoped I explained this well enough and got my point across on what I'm asking. I know it's a lot, if anyone has some insight on this on what you think might be going through his head and how I should handle this situation please let me know. 😊

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this why did he have to move in with you? It sounds like too much too soon too fast.

 

Wait? he needs a place to stay at 29, mooches off you over two months insulting and verbally abusing you and tells you You need to get your life together?

 

He's not "motivating you", he's abusing you. Please kick this jerk out now and end it.

Me and this guy have been dating for about 9 months now. He ended up moving in with me temporarily. It's been about 2 months now and he's about to be moving in with a new roommate. he jokes about things no one should really joke about whether it be my physical appearance, my intelligence, my anxiety, my accomplishments in my life or lack there of. I'm 22 he's 29, and he is starting to put a lot of pressure on me to get my life together. Maybe I'm reading into too much because he swears he's just trying to motivate me and push me to better myself but he knows just how to do it to make me feel like a failure.

[Silverbirch]

Sounds like a very toxic relationship. It's good he is going soon.

[Silverbirch]

Actually, he isn't hard for me to read - he is an ar$e. You just don't want to see it.

[CrystalBNY]

While reading all I could see is a giant red flag of insecurity. He is very insecure