Post break up (what now?)

[Anony514]

Hi, thanks for listening in advance.

 

I've dated this guy for 6 months. We had an instant connection on many different levels. Not only was he a great partner, but we grew to be great friends. HE would often throw around the word "soulmate". I'll spare you all the romance and butterflies, but we really had it great.

 

Well, he broke up with me via text (yes, text). In short, he said he knows that it's not love between us. He said it's been a physical attraction for him (ouch). He said he wants to still be friends and if we can't be friend now, he hopes we will be again in the future. He said I am an amazing person and that we met at the wrong time.

 

So I didn't reply to the text. I guess I was shocked, sad, hurt, confused, all of the above. I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say back -- especially didn't know what to say to him that would have been beneficial. Plus, he did this via text. I would think I deserve a face to face. Hell, I think anyone deserves a face to face conversation.

 

The next day he texts me again. He just said, "Please don't hate me". Again, wasn't sure what to say. A few hours later he said "I never meant to hurt you"

 

My question is should I reply? He sends this hurtful break up text basically saying our relationship really didn't mean anything, but then is concerned about my feelings and if I hate him? I don't get it.

 

I don't know if I would feel better meeting with him (to get things off my chest) or if I'm just wasting my breath.

 

Advice, direction, similar stories would be appreciated.

[Hollyj]

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He only wants to alleviate his guilt over the crap-way he treated you.

 

He is not a friend, nor will he ever be. Disgusting to end by text.

 

Block this creep!!!!!! Wasting your breath, as he has already shown you that he doesn't care.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like he met someone or when back to and ex hence all the guilty sounding texts, particularly the cryptic "we met at the wrong time" thing. Was he on the rebound or on/off with someone?

 

Also that it was too much too soon. Don't bother meeting face to face. You won't get closure and from his "it was only physical, not love" remark and "friends" remark he may want fwb instead.

I've dated this guy for 6 months. he broke up with me via text. he said he knows that it's not love between us. He said it's been a physical attraction for him. He said he wants to still be friends. He said I am an amazing person and that we met at the wrong time. The next day he texts me again. He just said, "Please don't hate me". A few hours later he said "I never meant to hurt you'

[boltnrun]

He just doesn't want to think of himself as a jerk or a "bad guy". So he wants you to assure him he's still a swell guy.

 

Too bad, maybe if he didn't act like a jerk he wouldn't be perceived as one.

 

So, I wouldn't reply. He dumped you, it's not your job to soothe his ego.

[spinderella]

but we really had it great.

 

Well, he broke up with me via text (yes, text).

 

Was it totally out of nowhere like this suggests? If it was I would suspect there's someone else. Once he saw a greenlight with someone else, getting rid of you was just an errand to take care of.

 

I totally get the overwhelming urge to seek closure, although we all sort of know it never makes us feel better.

[Jeffbobo]

Him telling you that there was only a physical attraction and that he still wants to be friends is an oximoron. Directly translated means FWB.

 

Meeting with him or having any additional contact will do more harm than good. Get things off your chest by venting to your friends, writing it down or hitting a punching bag. Just close the door, block him from contact and don't look back.

[CrystalBNY]

What more is there to say? He made his choice. It's up to you weather or not you still want to be "friends" with him after this stunt he pulled but just know things will only get complicated from here being that you two are not on the same page regarding the value placed on the relationship.

[mopo]

woooowww! the power and strength you show in not replying. If you really want him to regret that, you just keep that up... you'll be fine no matter what. Though, yea saying he knows it wasn't love... over text... don't give in. you're stronger than me, I'm proud of you.

[Hollyj]

Block!!!!!

[parrot]

I also think it's amazing that you haven't responded at all. I was also dumped in a text (by my fiance - blindsided)... I held my head pretty high and really reigned in my reaction, but wow! I wish I could have let him completely flabbergasted with no response at all.

[Anony514]

woooowww! the power and strength you show in not replying. If you really want him to regret that, you just keep that up... you'll be fine no matter what. Though, yea saying he knows it wasn't love... over text... don't give in. you're stronger than me, I'm proud of you.

 

Wow, thank you! This made me feel like I am doing the right thing. I was questioning if I was a big jerk for not replying. Thank you again

[Anony514]

Unfortunately it sounds like he met someone or when back to and ex hence all the guilty sounding texts, particularly the cryptic "we met at the wrong time" thing. Was he on the rebound or on/off with someone?

 

Also that it was too much too soon. Don't bother meeting face to face. You won't get closure and from his "it was only physical, not love" remark and "friends" remark he may want fwb instead.

 

Thank you for your help. He did recently end it with someone before meeting me. I also have a horrible feeling it's someone else... I agree I don't think I'll get closure, but I wanted to see everyone else's perspective. Thank you again

[boltnrun]

No such thing as "getting closure" from an ex.

 

Closure happens when you realize the relationship is over and you accept it.

 

You're much better off without someone like him.

[Dahl]

Closure happens when you realize the relationship is over and you accept it.

 

This is a profoundly brilliant perspective.

 

I am sorry that you are in this unpleasant situation, Anony. I add my admiration of your handling of the circumstances to the other posters.

 

I see absolutely no manner in which you are wrong, in this, and in no way, shape or form that you are a 'jerk.' I think that you have conducted yourself becomingly and with class.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[charity]

I personally think he needs to know that its really s****Y to end by text message.

[Anony514]

I personally think he needs to know that its really s****Y to end by text message.

 

I've thought about it at least 100 times already

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Go no contact and delete/block him. That is the best for you as well as the best response to his cowardliness and lameness.

He did recently end it with someone before meeting me. I also have a horrible feeling it's someone else.

[charity]

ok here's how I feel about it..when someone does something cowardly like that and you don't reply....it lets them off! Your silence lets them get away with feeling anything. So for me ..and that's so easy to do these days with phones and email. So for me I would have to write back and say 'It is fine that you decided you wanted to break up, that happens. It is not fine that you chose the most cowardly disrespectful way to do it. I expected more of you. Goodbye'. Yep I know its an ego thing but really he deserves to be called out for how he did this.