fixyou_ Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 So, a couple weeks before Christmas my ex broke up with me. He said he didn't want a relationship and wanted to be alone. He felt like we saw each other too much. So, he went on a date with someone else recently. I initiated NC. He used an email a few days later to contact me, saying he missed me so much and to please unblock him. I let most of the day go by and I eventually gave in. We had a long talk. He said he didn't feel right with anyone else. He admitted to kissing her and taking her to a restaurant we always went to. He apologized and for once actually talked about his emotions. He was open. He openly acknowledged that he messed up letting me go and said things I never knew he felt. So, we agreed to try to work things out. I love him. I always have. I told him he has a lot to work on and that I'm not an object. He can't keep running away and dumping me when he gets scared or uneasy. He told me who the girl was (even though I figured it out on my own) and broke things off with her and blocked her number. I am still in love with him. It's not going to be easy, but I care enough to try this again. I know the risks. I know I shouldn't. But I can't live without trying my hardest with him. Do you think he is ready this time?
gebaird Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 It sounds like you're committed to giving this another try, but I think it's very important to do things differently than you did before. Was there something you did that caused him to pull away? If so, make sure you don't fall back into bad habits. If you immediately "pick up where you left off," it will end the same way. You're with the same guy, but you need to have a different kind of relationship. Make a commitment to yourself -- put it in writing if you have to -- that this is the last chance you're giving him. The next time he leaves you, he doesn't get to come back.
SherrySher Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 How long did you date? I can't say 100% that he's ready, though I do think it's something you need to be cautious of. It's concerning that he needed to date someone else before he could fully appreciate you. I think you need to be careful and take things slow. Don't jump in headfirst thinking it's going to turn into a fairy tale. He has a lot of ground to make up for and to prove to you that not only is he serious but that he really does only want you. I also agree with Gebaird, give him this one last chance to prove these things to you and don't let him do this to you again.
fixyou_ Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 I agree. I told him that he's already made me look like a complete idiot. I'm running the risk of family and friends turning away from me because they've had to support me and pick me up emotionally the last couple months. I told him he took me for granted and that he needs to prove that he wants to be with me, that his actions need to match his words at all times. He didn't have much dating experience and I was his first long term relationship even though he is 30. I told him I startled to see a therapist because I was so depressed about being hurt by him. I think he would benefit by seeing one too or going to one together. There wasn't anything that I ever did to make him pull away, in my opinion. The explanation he gave me when we broke up was that he felt like we saw each other too much. I reminded him that people in a relationship see each other... they're supposed to grow and not get scared and run away. We'd see each other maybe 3-4 times a week. I'd usually go to him, and I made it clear that he has to come to me sometimes too. It sounds like you're committed to giving this another try, but I think it's very important to do things differently than you did before. Was there something you did that caused him to pull away? If so, make sure you don't fall back into bad habits. If you immediately "pick up where you left off," it will end the same way. You're with the same guy, but you need to have a different kind of relationship. Make a commitment to yourself -- put it in writing if you have to -- that this is the last chance you're giving him. The next time he leaves you, he doesn't get to come back.
fixyou_ Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 We were together for about 8 months. It was his longest relationship. He's almost 30. I agree with not rushing. It's something that's going to take a long time to heal and he needs to nurture it. I told him if I even begin to feel him pulling away again and not communicating that I'm drawing the line and ending it. I'd change my number and do whah I needed to do. I can't emotionally or mentally handle going through it again and I would have to go into self-preservation mode. How long did you date? I can't say 100% that he's ready, though I do think it's something you need to be cautious of. It's concerning that he needed to date someone else before he could fully appreciate you. I think you need to be careful and take things slow. Don't jump in headfirst thinking it's going to turn into a fairy tale. He has a lot of ground to make up for and to prove to you that not only is he serious but that he really does only want you. I also agree with Gebaird, give him this one last chance to prove these things to you and don't let him do this to you again.
Dahl Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Hello, Fix. You sound intelligent and sensibly organized in your analysis and you're getting superb advice; I only wish to share something I was told that I hope may be of use in your situation. A friend told me, 'give everyone a second chance and no one a third.' He then went on to explain his interpretation of the axiom, likening it to the old rule of thumb that 'once is an event, twice is coincidence and three times is a pattern' and suggested that when it comes to being hurt or compromised in any dealing with others, your well-being should be safeguarded from damaging 'coincidences' and absolutely protected from your detriment winding up as the result of someone(s) else's destructive patterns. Again, I hope it helps in any way, and I wish you the best of luck!
SooSad33 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Ready?.. No. If there were issue's between you two... how did HE deal with it? he walked off to someone else.... and now back to you. If anything, he's not just 'confused' but possibly added more strain to things with these actions. he is 30 and has ONLY had 8 month relation so far? Ouch! Not sure.. IF this is possible for him. makes me wonder WHY he hasn't had anything 'long term' in all these yrs. When I was 30, I had been in a cpl short term relations and one almost 10 yrs- left cause he was an alcy I suggest you agree to 'think on it' and he respect that. Think about.. IF he is 'relationship material'?? Cause I dont think you want to get hurt-- again.. and repeatedly. Life is about learning....
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