I feel like it's so close to make it work. Not sure how to handle it...

[huygenss]

Hi!

So I've been dating this girl from my school (my class, to be exact, we're both 19 yrs old) since the beginning of the January. So far we've been on 4-5 dates or so.

The thing is... When I tried to make a move - it was quite a while ago, at the end of a second date, she said that she doesn't know if it is a good idea.

After a while of silence and without meetings we carried on dating.

After a serious conversation she told me that she doesn't know what to think. And that she may be not ready after her previous relationship. That she still had some contact with her ex. And that she likes dating me so much, that I do so much more for her than that guy, but she cannot just like that forget about him as if nothing had happened. I could understand that. She gave me like the longest hug that I had ever experienced and we parted ways.

It was a week ago, after that we had only some short casual conversations.

Until yesterday...

Because it was Valentine's Day I decided to do something - like ANYTHING. Surprised her with a red rose, accompanied her on her way to work. She seemed glad. I wanted to go and grab some meal with her but she couldn't do it. The reason was legit, I think. She said that we'll certainly will make up for this in the future. (I'm not native sorry, I don't know if I wrote it correctly. Meaning: we'll grab this meal in the future for sure)

The thing is... I don't know how to handle it. She seems to like me a lot. Well, I've been friendzoned many times before and right now I am almost certain that this girl is not doing that to me. Today, by an accident, I found out that she was talking with her friend about that yesterday's situation and "how beautiful rose she got from me".

Besides, when we are on dates, I can feel so much chemistry between us.

Now I don't know what I should do with this relationship and how I could keep things going.

We're like soulmates on dates but when it comes to school interaction we barely talk. And even when we do, these conversations are kind of empty and meaningless, like if I was talking to someone I don't know too well. Sometimes we exchange a glance at the hall. Quite often we don't even talk while passing, just a smile. That's bothering me. That's the problem no. 1.

The 2nd problem is that I don't know if I should still be the one to text her first, invite her etc. Like this meal thing for example... I don't know if I should invite her for it or is it like her turn to mention it somehow. I think that it's the man's thing to do, but well, you see the situation and I don't want to be intrusive.

The 3rd problem. Our dates are really unusual, I would say. We were in a restaurant to eat some dinner once, we went to the cinema to watch a romantic movie, I drive her home or accompany her on her way to work (depending on the situation) and we both enjoy time spent with each other a lot, but on the other hand all the other aspects didn't go any "romantic". We've had no kiss, we haven't hold hands (When I tried that - it was on that second date that I mentioned - she panicked and said that it may not be a good idea, as I wrote before. But it was quite a while ago...)

 

Please, could you help me with this situation? I really care about this relationship and I don't want to mess it up. How could I handle those 3 problems?

I am having so much doubts regarding what I should do, that I don't know what to think about that.

 

Thanks for help,

I'm counting on you!

 

And sorry for any mistakes. Not native.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, but it sounds like she's not over this guy and that's kind of a red flag. Agree it's a rebound friendzone type of thing where you are just a distraction. Maybe cut your losses rather than get strung along, no?

So far we've been on 4-5 dates or so. I tried to make a move at the end of a second date, she said that she doesn't know if it is a good idea. she still had some contact with her ex. I've been friendzoned many times before and right now I am almost certain that this girl is not doing that to me.

[Broomwood]

I am sorry to hear this too. I think what you can try is to give her time to make a decision and to make her grow fond of you. I think it is a good idea to keep seeing her, but do not be overtly interested in her. Don't make it too much or it will put her off. People that are too much into us too quickly are off putting.

 

If she feels connection with you, that's a big part of the attraction problem is solved. You say there's body chemistry there too, that's awesome.

 

So I'd tell you what would work for me be I that girl, and I have been in situations like this before. If you were sexy, confident, looked after yourself in terms of body and teeth hygiene, exercised regularly, had plans for life or at least were getting there, had passions (very important!) outside of school and her, had interesting life, and you'd want to see me from time to time, but you would not be overtly interested and salivating in my presence, I'd grow fond of you, and if there's soul and body chemistry, gosh, I'd be dreaming of kissing you etc.

 

To recap, it is simple, you need to be near her AND be physically appealing AND emotionally available while at the same time keeping your cool. She'll be so puzzled, and will start showing signs that she's interested. After you've seen those signs, you can make a move, and she'd love it.

[abitbroken]

 

To recap, it is simple, you need to be near her AND be physically appealing AND emotionally available while at the same time keeping your cool. She'll be so puzzled, and will start showing signs that she's interested. After you've seen those signs, you can make a move, and she'd love it.

 

Oh no. Its not about swarming her like a bee.

 

She is not over her ex. What you need to do is to tell her that you can appreciate that she is not over her ex, so to give you a call/ when she finds she is in a place ready to date. She knows you are interested - now back way off. All this swarming around her will do is make you "Mr. Right Now" and in awhile, she will just give you the same answer. So cool off, but be clear.

[SeptemberSylv]

I dunno... give it time perhaps... what are those old sayings: "Rome wasn't built in a day"