friend drifting away

[LockerBunny]

Hi,

 

so i have a friend who I've known for quite a long time like 2 years he always calls me his best friend so we're pretty close but lately things have been a bit frustrating. Me and him used to hang out together a lot just as friends we'd spend hours talking about random stuff and he's always like "i love you" and "you're my favourite" like in a friend way, but yeah in the past 2 months or so it's felt very much like he doesn't care at all.

 

Like usually for the december/january period he goes out of state to visit his family which is fine, but pretty much during this time he doesn't contact me at all. When he went there this year he literally was ignoring my texts, didn't bother checking up on me, didn't even remember it was my birthday and after i told him it was he sent me one message apologising and saying happy birthday and then ignoring the rest of my texts.

 

I was like okay this kind of sucks but i guess he's just preoccupied since he's not even here. But now that he's back he's pretty much doing the same thing! And on top of it the only time he does contact me is when he's asking me for a favour. Like, i went out and bought him $50 worth of stuff when he was sick, drove him to the doctor he thanked me and whatever but now it's back to just not really bothering with me. I would like to hear from him just once saying hey "how's it going" or "hey do you wanna hang out today" but im always messaging first and half the time get ignored or rejected. I even talked about it to him the other day and said i didn't appreciate him ignoring me and he said he was so so sorry and blah blah blah but it doesn't seem like he's bothering to put in any more effort.

 

It sucks because I've just started to have romantic feelings for him and being treated this way now is actually making me really depressed when i probably wouldn't have cared that much in the past.. I don't know if he just doesn't like me anymore or if he just has gotten lazy with everyone or if he thinks it's fine and doesn't realise he's hurting me but I don't know what to do because its messing with my head and I need to focus on other things like uni without all thi s stuff bringing me down -.- I just don't know how to handle this

[lostlove76]

I would drop him. I'm sorry. It sounds like it's become a one-sided friendship, for whatever reason. Maybe he's sensed that you're feeling romantic feelings and he wants to ward that off. Or maybe he's just selfish. Whichever it is, it's all about him and nothing that you've done wrong. But you're going to get hurt if you keep hanging on. A friendship where only one side has romantic feelings just doesn't work. If it was purely platonic, then I would say just give him time and space if he's busy and preoccupied. But your feelings are more involved than that. The best thing to do is completely distance yourself, don't reach out in any way. If he wants to resume the friendship, he knows where to find you. But even then, I would heavily consider whether it's worth hiding your true feelings just to keep him in your life.

[Jibralta]

Friendships change over time, unfortunately. I remember one of my friends started drifting when we were still in high school, and this particular distancing bothered me more than any other. We had been inseparable. We talked and hung out every day, finished each other's sentences. And then she suddenly pulled away. I didn't understand. One day, when we were in our early 20s, I saw her at a wedding and decided to give her the cold shoulder. She came over to my table and said, "Hey. I'm sorry. I'm horrible. But I love you, let's be friends." I was like, "Arghh. FINE." And of course she remained distant. And I learned to accept it because she happens to be a great friend. We are still friends, 20 years later!

 

My advise to you would be to say your piece, back off, and let things take their natural course. I know that your situation is complicated by your romantic feelings for your friend. But if you want the friendship to last, shelve those feelings for now.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like met someone/is talking to other girls because you friendzoned him for so long he gave up and moved on. and him used to hang out together a lot just as friends we'd spend hours talking about random stuff. It sucks because I've just started to have romantic feelings for him

[LockerBunny]

Thank you guys! Yeah I think I am going to tell him I need space.. I don't think he is doing it to purposefully try and hurt me and he possibly doesn't even realise he is but it is hurting me and nothing's being changed so it's probably the best thing for me to do