Dumped by Boyfriend of 2 Years on Valentine's Day

[aMolloy]

I have been with my boyfriend - ex now I guess - for just short of 2 years. We have, of course, had out share of problems but nothing we haven't been able to get through. Including a 2 week break up at one point. Things have been great and despite the odd week or so every couple of months of bickering we haven't had major issues until this New Year. He has never been one to be able to deal with stress very well and seeing as this year is his final year in college, he's under more stress than usual.

Since the start of the new year, things have started to get rocky with more bickering than usual and him being complete polar opposites with me. Either totally into me and telling me I'm the best thing to happen to him. Or else the other end of the scale and him not wanting to speak to me or see me for days at a time. But, being the madly in love loyal little puppy I am, I was always there no matter what. Ready to sort out anything that was thrown at us and move forward in our relationship. Then, everything started to change when he was interviewed for, offered and accepted a job in Scotland. We currently live in Ireland and I still have a year of college ahead of me so a long distance relationship was on the cards from the word go. I tried my best to be supportive, putting on a brave face and telling him to choose what he thought he needed to do for his career.

One night last week, it all kicked off when a conversation about him moving away got out out of hand and the situation escalated into the worst argument we've ever had (read: broken glasses and LOTS of tears and shouting). He ended things on the spot, saying it wouldn't work out when he went away and that there would be too much stress and upset. Two days later we met up to have a calmer conversation. I stated my case about wanting to try things long distance and that I couldn't live with thinking 'what if' and that if we tried and it didn't work, at least we'd know. After 3 hours of back and forth, he decided he wanted to try again. Since then, he's mentioned another couple of times that he's not sure we made the right decision but ultimately cuddled me every time, assuring me everything would be okay. We even went to a college ball between then and now and I posted the photos on social media, getting comments from friends and family about how cute we are together and how lovely we look.

Today is Valentine's Day and we had made plans to get a takeaway and play oldschool video games all night, a quiet night together. When he arrived at my house to pick me up, everything seemed absolutely fine. We kissed as he came in and I told him about my day as we hadn't spoken since the morning as we were both busy with work and school all day. I gave him his present (a small bit thoughtful present including things that are sentimental to our relationship) and his whole demeanour changed. He tensed up and his face dropped. I asked him what we wrong and he told me he didn't feel right about upsetting me anymore and that I deserved a lot better than him. I tried to assure him I wasn't upset and he started tearing up. I tried to comfort him but he burst into tears. I was so confused but all he kept saying that he was sorry and that he's a terrible person. I tried to talk sense into him but he wasn't having any of it and told me it needed to be over. Then he left and I am still in shock. I feel like there's a huge knot in my stomach and that everything is falling apart. I love him more than I can even explain and I can't get my head around it all, especially when everything was relatively alright before our big blowout fight. Now I don't know which way to turn and other than my friends, the only person I can think of who I want to speak to and have comfort me is him which is making me feel ten times worse. I've tried calling him to speak about it but he won't answer the phone and has already changed his profile picture and relationship status on Facebook. (Not a huge deal, I know, but I still stings that it was so quick after)

I feel like an idiot for being so excited about our night tonight, even telling my friends out plans. I fixed my hair and did my makeup and dressed nicely too as I wanted to make an effort for the occasion. I'm so crushed by this and feel lost as he truly was my rock.

Any tips on losing your best friend, partner and lover all in one? Has anything like this happened to anyone else and how did you deal with it? Looking for anything to give me a little day of hope that this pain will end because all I want to do now is crawl into bed and not come out until it stops hurting so much.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, it sounds like it's been unraveling for a while now. Sounds like things got violent was really when he ended it for good vday was just a leftover plans.

 

Go no contact. Step back and try to reflect and allow emotions to calm. What happened with the broken glasses? Were either of you drinking?

Since the start of the new year, things have started to get rocky with more bickering than usual and he was interviewed for, offered and accepted a job in Scotland. the worst argument we've ever had (read: broken glasses and LOTS of tears and shouting). He ended things on the spot, saying it wouldn't work out when he went away and that there would be too much stress and upset. I've tried calling him to speak about it but he won't answer the phone and has already changed his profile picture and relationship status on Facebook.

[j.man]

I'd like to know how these glasses got broken as well.

[aMolloy]

No there was no drinking involved and absolutely no physical violence, nor has there ever been! I should correct myself, it was a singular glass that got thrown on the ground in temper. It was not directed toward anybody or even in anybody's direction. It was thrown straight into the corner of two cupboards I was standing next to in sheer frustration and certainly not with the intention of hurting anyone.

I still understand however that it was a bad move on my part and shouldn't have happened at all. I had never done anything like that before or since but as I said, emotions were running high and the situation escalated when one of us should have walked away.

 

I should also add that between this fight a week ago and now, he's been hot and cold again. Kissing and cuddling one minute and pushing me away, unsure of his feelings the next. My head is completely all over the place because of this and I don't know which behaviour to believe. Especially as my feelings have remained unchanged and I have been 100% certain about what I want and believe is the right decision.

[Person1001]

I have been with my boyfriend - ex now I guess - for just short of 2 years. We have, of course, had out share of problems but nothing we haven't been able to get through. Including a 2 week break up at one point. Things have been great and despite the odd week or so every couple of months of bickering we haven't had major issues until this New Year. He has never been one to be able to deal with stress very well and seeing as this year is his final year in college, he's under more stress than usual.

Since the start of the new year, things have started to get rocky with more bickering than usual and him being complete polar opposites with me. Either totally into me and telling me I'm the best thing to happen to him. Or else the other end of the scale and him not wanting to speak to me or see me for days at a time. But, being the madly in love loyal little puppy I am, I was always there no matter what. Ready to sort out anything that was thrown at us and move forward in our relationship. Then, everything started to change when he was interviewed for, offered and accepted a job in Scotland. We currently live in Ireland and I still have a year of college ahead of me so a long distance relationship was on the cards from the word go. I tried my best to be supportive, putting on a brave face and telling him to choose what he thought he needed to do for his career.

One night last week, it all kicked off when a conversation about him moving away got out out of hand and the situation escalated into the worst argument we've ever had (read: broken glasses and LOTS of tears and shouting). He ended things on the spot, saying it wouldn't work out when he went away and that there would be too much stress and upset. Two days later we met up to have a calmer conversation. I stated my case about wanting to try things long distance and that I couldn't live with thinking 'what if' and that if we tried and it didn't work, at least we'd know. After 3 hours of back and forth, he decided he wanted to try again. Since then, he's mentioned another couple of times that he's not sure we made the right decision but ultimately cuddled me every time, assuring me everything would be okay. We even went to a college ball between then and now and I posted the photos on social media, getting comments from friends and family about how cute we are together and how lovely we look.

Today is Valentine's Day and we had made plans to get a takeaway and play oldschool video games all night, a quiet night together. When he arrived at my house to pick me up, everything seemed absolutely fine. We kissed as he came in and I told him about my day as we hadn't spoken since the morning as we were both busy with work and school all day. I gave him his present (a small bit thoughtful present including things that are sentimental to our relationship) and his whole demeanour changed. He tensed up and his face dropped. I asked him what we wrong and he told me he didn't feel right about upsetting me anymore and that I deserved a lot better than him. I tried to assure him I wasn't upset and he started tearing up. I tried to comfort him but he burst into tears. I was so confused but all he kept saying that he was sorry and that he's a terrible person. I tried to talk sense into him but he wasn't having any of it and told me it needed to be over. Then he left and I am still in shock. I feel like there's a huge knot in my stomach and that everything is falling apart. I love him more than I can even explain and I can't get my head around it all, especially when everything was relatively alright before our big blowout fight. Now I don't know which way to turn and other than my friends, the only person I can think of who I want to speak to and have comfort me is him which is making me feel ten times worse. I've tried calling him to speak about it but he won't answer the phone and has already changed his profile picture and relationship status on Facebook. (Not a huge deal, I know, but I still stings that it was so quick after)

I feel like an idiot for being so excited about our night tonight, even telling my friends out plans. I fixed my hair and did my makeup and dressed nicely too as I wanted to make an effort for the occasion. I'm so crushed by this and feel lost as he truly was my rock.

Any tips on losing your best friend, partner and lover all in one? Has anything like this happened to anyone else and how did you deal with it? Looking for anything to give me a little day of hope that this pain will end because all I want to do now is crawl into bed and not come out until it stops hurting so much.

 

I know how painful it can be, this was prob brewing for awhile and the argument pushed everything over the edge. Some people start feeling the relationship is off, but don't inform their partners of it or try to figure out its going on. Its really not fair to that to someone who trusts and loves you. My relationship was shorter then yours, but it ended in the same way. I was crushed and also felt like not doing anything until the pain subsided. I feel at peace, at least for right now. I guess I hold onto the thought, its a good thing I found out now because stress will always be in your life, if your partner leaves so easily now what happens when you marry him, have a family etc? Is he just going to walk out on you. Good luck!

[evad1]

I have been with my boyfriend - ex now I guess - for just short of 2 years. We have, of course, had out share of problems but nothing we haven't been able to get through. Including a 2 week break up at one point. Things have been great and despite the odd week or so every couple of months of bickering we haven't had major issues until this New Year. He has never been one to be able to deal with stress very well and seeing as this year is his final year in college, he's under more stress than usual.

Since the start of the new year, things have started to get rocky with more bickering than usual and him being complete polar opposites with me. Either totally into me and telling me I'm the best thing to happen to him. Or else the other end of the scale and him not wanting to speak to me or see me for days at a time. But, being the madly in love loyal little puppy I am, I was always there no matter what. Ready to sort out anything that was thrown at us and move forward in our relationship. Then, everything started to change when he was interviewed for, offered and accepted a job in Scotland. We currently live in Ireland and I still have a year of college ahead of me so a long distance relationship was on the cards from the word go. I tried my best to be supportive, putting on a brave face and telling him to choose what he thought he needed to do for his career.

One night last week, it all kicked off when a conversation about him moving away got out out of hand and the situation escalated into the worst argument we've ever had (read: broken glasses and LOTS of tears and shouting). He ended things on the spot, saying it wouldn't work out when he went away and that there would be too much stress and upset. Two days later we met up to have a calmer conversation. I stated my case about wanting to try things long distance and that I couldn't live with thinking 'what if' and that if we tried and it didn't work, at least we'd know. After 3 hours of back and forth, he decided he wanted to try again. Since then, he's mentioned another couple of times that he's not sure we made the right decision but ultimately cuddled me every time, assuring me everything would be okay. We even went to a college ball between then and now and I posted the photos on social media, getting comments from friends and family about how cute we are together and how lovely we look.

Today is Valentine's Day and we had made plans to get a takeaway and play oldschool video games all night, a quiet night together. When he arrived at my house to pick me up, everything seemed absolutely fine. We kissed as he came in and I told him about my day as we hadn't spoken since the morning as we were both busy with work and school all day. I gave him his present (a small bit thoughtful present including things that are sentimental to our relationship) and his whole demeanour changed. He tensed up and his face dropped. I asked him what we wrong and he told me he didn't feel right about upsetting me anymore and that I deserved a lot better than him. I tried to assure him I wasn't upset and he started tearing up. I tried to comfort him but he burst into tears. I was so confused but all he kept saying that he was sorry and that he's a terrible person. I tried to talk sense into him but he wasn't having any of it and told me it needed to be over. Then he left and I am still in shock. I feel like there's a huge knot in my stomach and that everything is falling apart. I love him more than I can even explain and I can't get my head around it all, especially when everything was relatively alright before our big blowout fight. Now I don't know which way to turn and other than my friends, the only person I can think of who I want to speak to and have comfort me is him which is making me feel ten times worse. I've tried calling him to speak about it but he won't answer the phone and has already changed his profile picture and relationship status on Facebook. (Not a huge deal, I know, but I still stings that it was so quick after)

I feel like an idiot for being so excited about our night tonight, even telling my friends out plans. I fixed my hair and did my makeup and dressed nicely too as I wanted to make an effort for the occasion. I'm so crushed by this and feel lost as he truly was my rock.

Any tips on losing your best friend, partner and lover all in one? Has anything like this happened to anyone else and how did you deal with it? Looking for anything to give me a little day of hope that this pain will end because all I want to do now is crawl into bed and not come out until it stops hurting so much.

 

Jeeze that's awful he could have at least let you know what he did wrong. That was a terrible way to end things. I imagine you'll be furious about it later... you shouldn't feel like a idiot. A guy like didn't deserve you anyhow.

[aMolloy]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm not feeling as distraught this morning. Obviously I'm still devastated and down but I don't feel as helpless as I did last night. There's still no budging from him in regards to talking about it. I've decided to go NC indefinitely. However, I feel like he will contact me sooner or later as I am having surgery in a few weeks that I am terrified for and he knows that. But I'm not going to make a fool of myself anymore by trying to talk to him and just getting hurt even more when he doesn't respond or tells me to go away. Does anyone have tips on how to make NC easier and how not to give in to temptation especially when you usually talk to the person every single day? I'd love to hear them because I'm not the best when it comes to willpower! 😧

[Person1001]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm not feeling as distraught this morning. Obviously I'm still devastated and down but I don't feel as helpless as I did last night. There's still no budging from him in regards to talking about it. I've decided to go NC indefinitely. However, I feel like he will contact me sooner or later as I am having surgery in a few weeks that I am terrified for and he knows that. But I'm not going to make a fool of myself anymore by trying to talk to him and just getting hurt even more when he doesn't respond or tells me to go away. Does anyone have tips on how to make NC easier and how not to give in to temptation especially when you usually talk to the person every single day? I'd love to hear them because I'm not the best when it comes to willpower! 😧

 

Somehow I was able to stay stronger during my 1st break up vs the recent one. Surprising as I had been going out w/my ex longer and saw him all the time. I guess it all boils down to understanding that our exes don't really stress over the nc and we shouldn't either. Delete/block his number and any other social media stuff, that's how I got through nc w/my 1st ex.

[j.man]

Assuming the relationship wasn't already broken in his mind, it certainly broke with the glass you threw. That's as much an act of violence as punching a wall. He'd be smart to leave and you'd be smart to accept more responsibility for the severity of what you did. Was it even your glass to break?

[aMolloy]

Thank you for your advice. I know that blocking him is probably the right thing to do but I'm a pretty empathic person and if I did that, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about whether or not it hurt his feelings - Eventhough I know I shouldn't care about his feelings but I love him too much not to care. It's been going pretty well so far considering that I would usually cave within hours! However, if I can't get past the feelings of wanting to contact him, maybe I will have to block him. Thank you so much for your advice though, it's nice to know that I'm not the only person in the world that has gone through this, even if it feels like it!

[aMolloy]

Assuming the relationship wasn't already broken in his mind, it certainly broke with the glass you threw. That's as much an act of violence as punching a wall. He'd be smart to leave and you'd be smart to accept more responsibility for the severity of what you did. Was it even your glass to break?

 

In the grand scheme of things, I really don't think that the glass matters, I mentioned it only to illustrate how much our argument escalated and pointed out that it was, in fact, the worst argument we've ever had due to underlying emotions and outside situational factors. Yes it was my glass to break and yes I know it was wrong and I should have dealt with my frustrations in a better way. BUT the argument didn't just end as soon as the glass got broken, it had been going on a while before that and continued on after the fact too. He has not once mentioned the glass in a way that would indicate to me that it upset him and after everything had cooled off, he actually made a joke about it and I apologised and he told me not to be silly and that it was just a glass.

I really don't think that this situation has to do with a glass being thrown onto the floor in temper. I have no problem, however, accepting my responsibility in the situation and acknowledge that there were things I could have done a lot differently. By posting this, I wasn't trying to get sympathy but merely some advice, tips and suggestions on how to get over the loss of someone you still love so deeply and still want to be with.

[evad1]

In the grand scheme of things, I really don't think that the glass matters, I mentioned it only to illustrate how much our argument escalated and pointed out that it was, in fact, the worst argument we've ever had due to underlying emotions and outside situational factors. Yes it was my glass to break and yes I know it was wrong and I should have dealt with my frustrations in a better way. BUT the argument didn't just end as soon as the glass got broken, it had been going on a while before that and continued on after the fact too. He has not once mentioned the glass in a way that would indicate to me that it upset him and after everything had cooled off, he actually made a joke about it and I apologised and he told me not to be silly and that it was just a glass.

I really don't think that this situation has to do with a glass being thrown onto the floor in temper. I have no problem, however, accepting my responsibility in the situation and acknowledge that there were things I could have done a lot differently. By posting this, I wasn't trying to get sympathy but merely some advice, tips and suggestions on how to get over the loss of someone you still love so deeply and still want to be with.

 

Honestly, I wish I could give some good advise but it's honestly just a day by day thing. You know that Leona Lewis song lol.

[mink23211]

The post-breakup stomach knot feeling sucks soooo much. But over time it eases. If you've ever been through something like this before (and I have many times) you know it always get's better. You're not alone. We have all been there.

[aMolloy]

So I don't know if anyone will reply or even still care 😂

I've been doing quite well over the past couple of weeks, going out with friends and having fun. Obviously I've been sad but have gone NC for the whole of the time and have kept telling myself that I shouldn't be sad about someone who doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Yesterday at work I had a pretty hard time. For some reason I kept thinking about him all day and really missed him. All I wanted to do was talk to him but stayed strong and didn't give in. But last night when I was winding down for the evening on my phone, I got a text from him asking how I am. I replied civilly saying that I was doing good. This morning I had another message asking how I'm feeling about everything. I asked him why he wanted to know and asked him how he was feeling. He told me he's feeling sad and lonely and that he misses me.

I told him that I missed him too but that it doesn't change anything and then asked why he really texted me. He maintains that he just wanted a chat and to see how I was keeping. He still thinks that we shouldn't be together despite the fact that he misses me and misses spending time with me. I don't really know what to think at this point. I thought that I was going strong up until yesterday and seeing his message made my stomach drop because even though I was glad to hear from him, I was sad to know it wouldnt be what I hoped.

What does anyone else think about this and does anyone think you can still love and miss somebody and miss that person specifically even when you claim you don't feel the same about them anymore?

[Applewhite]

He was throwing crumbs at you. He gets to break up with you and use you as a crutch too because you are there for him when he texts to soften the pain of the breakup for him.

 

It was selfish of him to text you,. It hinders you moving on when he can't offer any type of reconciliation to you - after all this is what your hope is when communicating.

 

So he selfishly reaches out to make himself feel better and have your support during this at the expense of hurting you and damaging your healing (by giving you false hope) .

[MissCanuck]

Some dumpers will do this to ease their own guilt for hurting you.

[aMolloy]

Yeah that all sounds very true. He said he just text me for a chat but i replied that i didnt believe him because hes got plenty of friends and if he just wanted a chat he should have just talked to them. He also said that he didn't expect to hear that I missed him because he had heard from his friends that they had seen me on nights out and talking to guys so he expected me to be moved on and over him.

My head really is all over the place because of him and I don't know what to think anymore. I'd love nothing more than to make things work but does it sound like I am wasting my time by talking to him? Wouldn't it be great if someone had all the answers!! 😂

[Applewhite]

The answer is that you should trust him when he tells you he doesn't want to reconcile. Furthermore you should realize and accept that texting you was to boost his ego at the expense of hurting you and confusing you. You took the bait. It's OK we all fall for this once.

 

Fool me twice...Shame on me.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. That's why many choose to block and delete after breakups to avoid these types of confusing messages. It sounds like he was seeing if you were lonely enough for a possible hookup.

last night when I was winding down for the evening on my phone, I got a text from him asking how I am. He told me he's feeling sad and lonely and that he misses me. He still thinks that we shouldn't be together despite the fact that he misses me and misses spending time with me.

[boltnrun]

You can't "make things work" by yourself. He has to want it too, and he said he doesn't.

 

Block his number so he can no longer contact you to see if you're still pining over him.