Help!!!

[Cls12345]

I'm having an extremely hard time trusting my husband. I have always had trust issues after seeing how my dad cheated on my mom. My husband says he knew this when we first started dating. The whole time we dated (which was about 2 years) I never suspected him of cheating on me. The way he has always treated me I wouldn't suspect it. He has always treated me amazingly. Like I didn't even know it was possible. We have been married for a year now. He's in the Air Force and we live in Japan. This is all new to us. Things were going great but with all the crazy shifts and the possibilities of him leaving for short deployments made me anxious again and worry that he would be unfaithful. (As far as I know he has not be unfaithful to me) We got into a big arguement one night and I packed my stuff because I got anxious about him leaving and said I wanted a divorce and worse things. Then he said he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. Now he says he was just so mad during the fight that he said that. Fast forward to now. He started a new shift where he is home all day while I'm at work. I got a tracker app to see if he was going anywhere. I found some things that we couldn't explain but we know the tracker isn't 100% accurate and he reassures me. Tonight we were having a great night we have been fighting a lot recently because I just don't trust him at all. I'm know for having anxiety, depression and I think I have a low self esteem although I have been called beautiful my whole life. But tonight i found what looks like a little ball of a black persons hair in our bed. Now I work around a lot of African American people but I had changed and taken my hair down since being home from work. He supposedly only works with guys right now. I feel like he's cheating and that is the person he's cheating withs hair in our bed. I know he looked at porn while he was away from me for 7 months. Specifically black women because I found only one site in his history. He doesn't have any social media from what I know of unless he is really hiding it. He knows I don't trust him but still says he'll stand by me. I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm losing my ! I feel so horrible I just need advice and someone to talk to about this! Do you think he's cheating?!

[tattoobunnie]

I'm sorry - your behavior is so disrespectful and I am sure it stresses him out beyond belief.

 

I think you need to seek therapy on your own, and work out your issues with trust, and you need to talk to your dad about what happened with mom, and get it out of your system.

 

You are driving your husband away.

[mike7788]

Well if he wasn't cheating before, your behavior is sure to push him to do so if he has it in him.

 

 

People shouldn't be caged in relationships, shouldn't have to track their locations, shouldn't have to answer to constant accusations.

 

I know you have self-esteem issues but you need to stop with the accusations and pestering.

 

 

You need to have a sit-down talk with him. Tell him you're sorry, stop with the tracking, ask him to come clean without judgement from you, and then figure out where your marriage sits.

[gebaird]

I think you need to stop looking at him and start looking at yourself. These insecurities will destroy your marriage and any future relationship you attempt.

 

Get some therapy and stop tracking his every movement. It's toxic.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry you need to stop punishing him and threatening him with divorce, etc all because of your insecurities and past baggage. Why sabotage this?

 

You are acting like he's a prisoner on parole and you are policing him, what are you thinking?

 

You need therapy asap. This is your problem, not his. You realize he'll eventually leave you for this, who could put up with your paranoia? Get help before you create your worst nightmare that he leaves, but not because of anyone else but because of you.

We got into a big arguement one night and I packed my stuff because I got anxious about him leaving and said I wanted a divorce and worse things. I got a tracker app to see if he was going anywhere. we have been fighting a lot recently because I just don't trust him at all. I feel like he's cheating and that is the person he's cheating withs hair in our bed.

[HeartGoesOn]

It sounds like you're going through some severe mental health issues. I would address these issues with a therapist ASAP, along with involving your husband in an effort to overcome these problems.

 

To answer your question, it doesn't appear that he's cheating, (imo).

[j.man]

My heart goes out to this man. *Pours a shot of Jack on the ground in memory of Cls12345's husband before he got totally cucked*

[Music13]

He is not cheating. You seem very obsessed by the idea he will cheat that you imagine he is doing it.

 

Why using a tracker??? I do am jealous sometimes. My boyfriend is a pilot and I don't track him. Let him be free a little bit to go where he wants to go and to do what he wants to do. That doesn't mean he will cheat on you.

Stop looking at everything he does. Stop looking at every one of his gestures. I think you should really concentrate more on your own issues instead of finding some in your boyfriend.

 

If you continue to act this way, you'll push him to a limit where he could actually do it.

My partner said I was needy. I told him I was needy because I thought he'd leave me one day. He said if you continue being needy, it can push a man to actually do it.

 

Let him breath. If you care for your relationship, let him live his life. It doesn't mean because you found black hair in your bed that he is cheating. It doesn't mean because he looks at porn that he is cheating. All men look at porn. It's normal.

 

I think you honestly need to find a therapist or to change your way of seeing things. It could lead you to divorce. It could lead you to having even more trust issues. There is no shame about going in therapy. I think it would just do good for you and your partner.

Best of luck

[DancingFool]

No, I don't think your husband is cheating. Your husband is a saint for putting up with your unstable behavior for as long as he has. The man deserves not just a medal but a monument in his honor. Unfortunately, if you carry on with this kind of unhinged, out of control paranoid, destructive behavior, your marriage will end. Not even a saint can put up with that kind of mental imbalance forever. It's beyond crazy and punishing.

 

I think you need to apologize to your husband for ALL you have done to him, for everything you have ever accused him, for threatening to divorce him, etc, etc, etc. You need to beg him for forgiveness and then you need to call a psychiatrist and get evaluated for mental illness (may have some may not). In addition, you need to also set standing weekly appointments for ongoing counseling for your assorted trust issues. There comes a point in life where you simply do not get to blame mommy and daddy for how YOU are acting. You've been an adult now for a long time now. High time to fix yourself and start taking responsibility for your own unacceptable behavior.

[Matt3939]

Urg you remind me of my ex. I was converting films of her family. I catch her looking at hairs under a magnifying glass. I ask what r u doing? She replies these aren't my hairs and you are bald u had a woman here. It's complete insanity I have countless examples. Id suggest going to a therapist and being completely honest with them so they might be able to help you. Eventually anyone dealing with false accusations will have a breaking point I know I did. It was definitely one of the saddest points of my life when I realized they really believed what they said. Good luck

[Wiseman2]

Yikes!

I catch her looking at hairs under a magnifying glass. I ask what r u doing? She replies these aren't my hairs and you are bald u had a woman here.

]

[Betterwithout]

We got into a big arguement one night and I packed my stuff because I got anxious about him leaving and said I wanted a divorce and worse things. Then he said he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore.

 

Ya, I'm curious as to what "worse things" were said. FYI: most guys usually stop loving their wives after they are told they want a divorce.

[surfdiva]

Ya, I'm curious as to what "worse things" were said. FYI: most guys usually stop loving their wives after they are told they want a divorce.

 

I agree. I don't know if they actually stop loving the wife for saying horrid things, but for sure it makes them question the relationship. And this can go for a woman as well. I know it did for me when my ex used to say hurtful/mean/abusive things to me.

[Cls12345]

I appreciate the honesty. What exactly happened in your relationship if you don't mind me asking? Also I have to say that I was not looking for hair this was extremely random. It's Valentine's Day so yesterday he cleaned the house and made our bed while he was home all day. (Which to me is when he could have easily had someone over and that's why he cleaned) We were both laying in bed talking he got up to go to the bathroom and then the ball of hair was right there in between us. I didn't even think it was hair at first but then later realized it was most definitely hair. I've never seen anything like this. Our house is fairly clean and so are we so why the heck is there a random ball of another persons hair....

[nutbrownhare]

Wow... he cleaned the house to make it all nice for Valentine's Day, and you interpret this as him having had someone over??? Just, WOW...

 

Hairs tend to gather into balls. If he'd cleaned a corner where hairs - from different people - had gathered over a period of time, a hairball would have resulted, which might well have clung to him (my partner keeps complaining that my hair does this, and he can't get rid of it) and fallen off in bed. This is far more likely than him having had someone over. Hairballs happen even in clean houses.

[Cls12345]

I don't think you understand I mentioned that it was dark black, short curly hair. Neither of us have this type of hair I'm blonde long straight hair and he has brown short hair. Being completely honest it looks like it may have come from a person of African American decent. Like straight from there body. It was so foreign looking to me I had no idea what it was. Just seeing a little ball of someone else's hair right in our bed instantly made me think someone else had been there.

[reinventmyself]

I don't think you understand I mentioned that it was dark black, short curly hair. Neither of us have this type of hair I'm blonde long straight hair and he has brown short hair. Being completely honest it looks like it may have come from a person of African American decent. Like straight from there body. It was so foreign looking to me I had no idea what it was. Just seeing a little ball of someone else's hair right in our bed instantly made me think someone else had been there.

If it were just this in itself, you might have something slim to go on. I dunno

But in light of all your other outrageous accusations it's difficult to give this any credibility.

[Cls12345]

So you think I'm exaggerating or lieing? I'm kinda confused of what you mean