A story most of you can relate (+ drugs)

[Thorto]

Hello guys, hope you are all fine.

 

Let me share my story (kinda long, but ill post a tl;dr in the end).

 

Context: we are both 24. We were in a relationship for almost 5 years. even lived together for 1.5 year in between.

 

After two and a half years, one and a half living together, she moved out and we started over and everything was great, but eventually she started "bothering" me to move in with her and marry her. It's not that i didnt want to. The problem is, she can't control the money she spends, i myself have a **** wage and worst of all: i work form 7am through 5 pm, catch a bus and travel 60 miles to college, be back by midnight. Problem is, i just started this, and wont stop ultil 2019, maybe 2020

 

Eventually i would calm her down, but this would always come back. We live in a nice state in Brazil, so if you get married you can apply for a house, no cost. She would always bring this up, since i wont sell my country house (i need the rent to have a decent life).

 

By mid 2016 she had forgotten about this, but i was taking her for granted. I have no time for myself during the week, and would see her saturday after 7pm, and Sunday after luch i usually went back home to have some time alone. She was also jeallows because i would go out for lunch with colleagues from work from time to time(i only work with girls, but i didnt flirt or anything). Until one day she was done and told me i would give all my attention to myself and the girls from work and nothing to her. I kinda freaked out and started treating her like a princess. Then things went south.

 

She started getting colder and distant. I would get jealows of the guys she kept talking on Facebook (one of them was a disrespect ex who kept asking her out). I was insecure because she wasnt loving and caring like before, and every week i would bring this up, i stalked her, searched her phone, and had trust issues.

 

I had one big talk late december, said i wasnt happy at all the past 2 months, she said it was all in my head, she loved me just as before, that i should calm down and stop freaking out for nothing. The next week we had another honey moon phase, but after christmas she was cold again. We would go out and she would spend the night talking to hundreds of people, bondind, hugging, catching up and would never come close to me. We were like friends going out together. January the 13th i had enough of this. I stopped the car in front of her house. she asked me to go inside, i refused and said we need to talk.

 

I said "you obviously are not attracted to me anymore, you fell out of love. whats going on?"

 

She started crying "i didnt want to bring this up cause i dont want to hurt you. This relationship is wearing off, you are my best friend, i want you in my life, i love hanging out and talking to you but we cant b in a relationship anymore. You are controlling, possessive, you have trust issues and i cant take it anymore."

 

She hugged me a thousand times, kissed me, cryed a lot, punched the seat, punched herself, said she was hating herself for doind it.

 

I went back home and received a text: "please dont judge me, i just need some time to get my head together".

I went straight to NC. From day one she started posting TONS of photos and selfies showing she was having the time of her life. 2 weeks after, a couple of friends told me they saw her with and old friend of hers drinking a lot, snorting coke in the middle of the street, puking and embarassing herself . Its just sad, i mean, she quit cocaine for 5 years. They told me she was in rage mode, like she was punishing herself or taking some kind of wicked revenge on me. She is in full party mode.

 

Still i didnt contact her. In our big conversation she did mention "you are so controlling that i even quit snorting because of you, even tho i really wanted to use". Thing is, i supported her, but never forbid anything.

After 24 days i sent a letter through a colleague. I said i accepted her decision, didnt judge or blame her, apologised for dismissing her ofert to remain friends and explained i went silent to try and heal/learn to live and be happy by myself. Told her to let me know when shes ready to catch up.

 

When i got home from the gym i received a very positive message from her (was certain she wouldnt reply). She said she misses me, understands why i didnt contact her, said she did the same because it's been hard for her. She doesnt feel ready to catch up yet but hopes to speak and even meet me soon.There was a PS telling me to watch the new stranger things teaser.

 

I replyed, told her i saw the teaser and that it remind of us watching the hole season together in one cold night, finished saying it brought i smile to my face.

 

Now its been a week since those texts. Should i wait any longer? Should i start acting? Yesterday i also had to contact her through text because of some billing problem related to her credit card, but i stayed on the subject, kept it very short. She was very polite and kind to me.

 

Important: I noticed, the couple of times i entered her chat in whatsapp, that she is online all day long. She would never check in more than twice a day, so shes probably talking to someone.

 

tl;dr: After 5 years i was dumped for being insecure. I went NC from day one and the first contact had a positive answer. Now i'm lost on how to build up from there.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but the best thing is to back off and go no contact and delete and block her from all social media. Wait until she reaches out to you. The valuable lesson learned it that you can't smother someone without them distancing themselves and eventually ending it.

"i didnt want to bring this up cause i dont want to hurt you. This relationship is wearing off, you are my best friend, i want you in my life, i love hanging out and talking to you but we cant b in a relationship anymore. You are controlling, possessive, you have trust issues and i cant take it anymore." She doesnt feel ready to catch up yet but hopes to speak and even meet me soon.

[Thorto]

Sorry to hear this but the best thing is to back off and go no contact and delete and block her from all social media. Wait until she reaches out to you. The valuable lesson learned it that you can't smother someone without them distancing themselves and eventually ending it.

 

i thought i could start some across the bow texting, since first contact was kinda positive

[Wiseman2]

You are smothering her go no contact so she can at least cool down and start to miss you. Wait for her to contact you

i thought i could start some across the bow texting

Don't buy into this nonsense:

 

"Michael Fiore’s across the bow text (ATB) is the first text you’ll learn inside the Text Your Ex Back program. If you follow Mike’s system the way it was designed, then you’ll first go through a period of no contact (or limited contact if you’re forced to be in contact with your ex due to work, kids, etc.) for around 30 days.

After this period of no contact, you’ll need a way to contact your ex that doesn’t sound needy or desperate so that you can open the lines of communication and set the stage for the texts to follow. A great way to do this is by using an across the bow text."

 

Most people consider this type of crap breadcrumbs and would block you for this nuisance texting:

 

"An across the bow text might sound something like: “Just heard Green Day was coming to town in March. Made me think of you because I know how much you love that band. Hope you’re doing great.”"

[Thorto]

I actually thought across the bow textinf was something really diffent. I won't do anything this pathetic hehe

[Thorto]

I actually thought across the bow textinf was something really diffent. I won't do anything this pathetic hehe

 

To be fair i already did, thinking back to the only text i sent, but it wasnt my intention back then

[Thorto]

Well, she's back. Saturday i went on a date with a girl I'd just met and another couple. The girl in the other couple posted a pic on FB. This morning, after 37 days my ex sent a picture saying "your arms around me felt like home. I'm homesick".

 

We started talking, she asked to meet tomorrow, but won't stop flirting e trying to engage small talks.