flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Hey so me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years and he has autism. In the past year since he turned 20(last year after the summer) he's had these anger issues he's never hit me but he'll cuss at me and put me down and has admitted to trying to hurt me with his words. Afterwards he's a mess of tears he doesn't understand why he's like this now or how to control it but refuses to go to therapy. It's grown to the point he talks of suicide says nothing's worth it how's he's just a mean and it's tearing me apart dealing with his outburst and watching how it's tearing him apart. He tells me he hopes I leave him so he can finally end it and stop all the pain. I don't know what to do he's my best friend and my other half and I will not leave him, but I have severe depression and anxiety and he's just making it worse I don't know how much more of being called a or being told to off etc that I can take.
Hollyj Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 How old are you? Have you spoken to his family about this? You are not responsible for him, and he is being emotionally abusive. You need to get yourself out of this, as it is not healthy.
Wolfshook Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Sorry you are going through this. Has he tried to get some help with his issues? An remember, in no way you should risk your life like that in the name of love. He seems unstable. Would you let your kids be around this man one day?
getzrekt Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 How old are you? Have you spoken to his family about this? You are not responsible for him, and he is being emotionally abusive. You need to get yourself out of this, as it is not healthy. I have to agree with the last two sentences in particular. You are not his carer or his therapist, you are not qualified to be either and you did not sign up to be either. If he refuses to get any help with his behaviour then his bad feelings about it add up to nothing, because he's not doing anything to make it any better. It's no good him saying sorry 100 times and then repeating that same behaviour over and over. That is pointless and the sorries are worthless. His assertion that he hopes that you leave him so that he can end it all is manipulation, pure and simple. It is a self deprecating, self serving statement that does nothing to fix anything, just like his sorries. It's empty. It acknowledges and embraces weakness without even trying to find any kind of resolution. He needs to start to deal with his behaviour. He is capable of doing so and only he can be the one to make that first step. While he refuses to do so there is little hope for you and him. You deserve better than to be his verbal punching bag.
Wiseman2 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Ending things would be best for both of you. You don't get along and he doesn't sound ready for a relationship and neither do you. Work on not revolving you whole life around someone in this unhealthy way. It smothering for him and stunting your personal growth. Keep your friends, make more friends, join groups, activities, invest in work and school. Never make excuses for someone if they are verbally abusive. learn the signs and end it. He wants you to go away, so go.He tells me he hopes I leave him so he can finally end it and stop all the pain.
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 How old are you? Have you spoken to his family about this? You are not responsible for him, and he is being emotionally abusive. You need to get yourself out of this, as it is not healthy. I'm 17 and I have and I'm not leaving him Ending things would be best for both of you. You don't get along and he doesn't sound ready for a relationship and neither do you. Work on not revolving you whole life around someone in this unhealthy way. It smothering for him and stunting your personal growth. Keep your friends, make more friends, join groups, activities, invest in work and school. Never make excuses for someone if they are verbally abusive. learn the signs and end it. He wants you to go away, so go.
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 Sorry you are going through this. Has he tried to get some help with his issues? An remember, in no way you should risk your life like that in the name of love. He seems unstable. Would you let your kids be around this man one day? He's 20 and this is a thing that happens with autism I love him too much to give up on him and not be by his side as he learns how to control. It
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 I have to agree with the last two sentences in particular. You are not his carer or his therapist, you are not qualified to be either and you did not sign up to be either. If he refuses to get any help with his behaviour then his bad feelings about it add up to nothing, because he's not doing anything to make it any better. It's no good him saying sorry 100 times and then repeating that same behaviour over and over. That is pointless and the sorries are worthless. His assertion that he hopes that you leave him so that he can end it all is manipulation, pure and simple. It is a self deprecating, self serving statement that does nothing to fix anything, just like his sorries. It's empty. It acknowledges and embraces weakness without even trying to find any kind of resolution. He needs to start to deal with his behaviour. He is capable of doing so and only he can be the one to make that first step. While he refuses to do so there is little hope for you and him. You deserve better than to be his verbal punching bag. He never told me he'd kill himself if he left I have used clues to put that together
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 I need to point out we've been together 3 whole years no way I'm breaking up with him for this recent change he's hurting so bad it would be cruel to leave him in this time of pain. He's never flat out said he wants me to leave him but that's the only reason I can think he's pushing me away so hard and showing clear signs he wants to kill himself he hasn't said it flat out but I've been there I know what it looks like
Sportster2005 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 How old are you? Have you spoken to his family about this? You are not responsible for him, and he is being emotionally abusive. You need to get yourself out of this, as it is not healthy. If he's serious about suicide she is responsible for him. The same way we are responsible for any human being whose life is in immediate danger, and we can try to prevent it. His emotional abuse toward her is a separate issue, and doesn't give her license to wash her hands of this. OP if you believe he is serious, enlist help. Parents, teachers, anyone.
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 If he's serious about suicide she is responsible for him. The same way we are responsible for any human being whose life is in immediate danger, and we can try to prevent it. His emotional abuse toward her is a separate issue, and doesn't give her license to wash her hands of this. OP if you believe he is serious, enlist help. Parents, teachers, anyone. Since he's 20 there's not much I can do it's so scary I love him so much I've told his dad and they have removed all guns from the house but besides that IDK what I can do. I need to find some way to convince him that if he goes to talk to someone it could help. He's convinced nothing can help him and he believes nothing is worth it so it's so hard
Hollyj Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 If he's serious about suicide she is responsible for him. The same way we are responsible for any human being whose life is in immediate danger, and we can try to prevent it. His emotional abuse toward her is a separate issue, and doesn't give her license to wash her hands of this. OP if you believe he is serious, enlist help. Parents, teachers, anyone. She is not responsible for him. That's ridiculous. She is only 17, and not his wife. His family is responsible for him. That is why his family needs to know, so that he can get help! Is she going to stay with him her whole life, even though she is unhappy? She has her own issues with depression. This is not a healthy match.
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 She is not responsible for him. That's ridiculous. She is only 17, and not his wife. His family is responsible for him. That is why his family needs to know, so that he can get help! Is she going to stay with him her whole life, even though she is unhappy? She has her own issues with depression. This is not a healthy match. I really want to be with him as long as possible he's all I have and the most important person in my life no way I'm leaving him for his recent issues. He has such a big heart his cruelness is hurting him just as much me it's not who he is it's just some recently acquired problems that I want to help him work through
Hollyj Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Flower, What are the parents doing, other than removing guns? You need to think about your own mental health. No one is ever required to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship. What do your parents say about this?
Hollyj Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Are you seeing a therapist for your own problems?
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 Flower, What are the parents doing, other than removing guns? You need to think about your own mental health. No one is ever required to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship. What do your parents say about this? They tried to get him to see a therapist but they refused
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 Are you seeing a therapist for your own problems? I haven't told my parents the extent of his anger issues they're worried for him. I've been in therapy pretty much my whole life they just keep saying he needs to see a doctor
Sportster2005 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Is she going to stay with him her whole life, even though she is unhappy? She has her own issues with depression. This is not a healthy match. Rhetoric is sort of like talking. How did you make that leap in logic. Where did I suggest she has to stay with him? She has to, and she has tried to help. For a young woman she understands the situation, and the shared responsibility we all have to one another, regardless of relationship. Put another way, for her to just walk away and ignore his clear suicide threats is extremely irresponsible. She gets it at 17. Good for her. She can walk away and sort herself out without abdicating care for another human being.
Hollyj Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Rhetoric is sort of like talking. How did you make that leap in logic. Where did I suggest she has to stay with him? She has to, and she has tried to help. For a young woman she understands the situation, and the shared responsibility we all have to one another, regardless of relationship. Put another way, for her to just walk away and ignore his clear suicide threats is extremely irresponsible. She gets it at 17. Good for her. She can walk away and sort herself out without abdicating care for another human being. If you read things clearly, I asked where his parents were in this! I never suggested she keep this a secret, but it is not the responsibility of a 17 year old with emotional issues to take on this load. It is his parents. Who also have legal rights.
Hollyj Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 I haven't told my parents the extent of his anger issues they're worried for him. I've been in therapy pretty much my whole life they just keep saying he needs to see a doctor What does your therapist advise? I also think that you should be honest with your parents.
flower6514 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 His parents can't do anything cause he's an adult and my therapist says he needs to get help, she knows there's no way I'm leaving my only friend and my love to deal with this on his own. I have no idea how I can convince him to take my advice
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.