plainjane314 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Hey ya'll. I wanted to post an update to my previous post concerning my obsession with my boyfriend's old flame. Taking everyone's advice, I did indeed talk to him about it but I'm afraid it's raised more questions than answers. The first day my s/o came back from deployment he had made a post about it to which the girl commented with "I want to see you!" Obviously I had seen it, but not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing I didn't bring it up. At that point I had weened myself from creeping on her facebook page completely from the time I had posted my last post on here and have been so proud of my progress. A few days later my bf and I were out with his friend celebrating his friend's transfer to another station and after a few bar hops here and there we get into the topic of honesty and our relationship. Full disclosure, I had not drank a sip as I like to be the designated driver where as my bf had had quite a few himself by this point. After talking for some time I had told him that while we were on the topic of being honest, I brought up how I would hate for him not to tell me things because he thought I would get upset/mad about it instead of just being honest. Here he tells me about the girls comment and asked me how I would feel if they hung out to which I brutally told him I would be ***ing pissed at him. By the end of the night he tells me that if a friendship with her was going to strain our relationship it wasn't worth it. Fast forward a couple of days, and I confront him about an exchange between them after he comments on her page( which I didn't go looking for as fb shows when people you are friends with comments on people's things even they are not your friend) about a post she makes about the weather to which she immediately tags him saying how she misses him to which he replies that he misses her too and that he'll see her soon he's sure of it to which she replies that she hopes so. We get into a fight about it where I call him out for saying one thing to me and blatantly saying another to the girl, his excuse being that he is being polite and that he has no intention of actually seeing her. I just don't understand why he would say those things to her and not mean them after repeatedly telling me that he didn't care about her, that they're just friends, that he's with me, that she was never an option, and just all around doing things he knows is going to upset me. Later that night after we spent a night out, he admitted that he shouldn't have even commented on her page in the first place and apologized. He seems to feel one way after drinking and another way when he's sober. I'm really confused as to how he really feels and I don't want to feel like I'm beating a dead horse. Any advice/insight would be appreciated.
Matt3939 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 He's probably just being polite and telling you what you want to hear too. He sounds like he's very courteous to all.
angrythoughts Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 ""post she makes about the weather to which she immediately tags him saying how she misses him to which he replies that he misses her too and that he'll see her soon he's sure of it to which she replies that she hopes so. "" Maybe I'm crazy but that's inappropriate. It would raise questions for me as well. Why does she feel comfortable tagging an old flame in a post? Does she know he's dating you? And for him to say he'll see her soon is also questionable. To be in contact with an old flame isn't cool... he shouldn't have responded to that post at all. It's good that he apologized but he already knew you had an issue with them seeing each other and honestly I understand why, however he still told this girl that he'd see her when he told you he wouldn't just prior to that occurrence. It gives me the vibe that he might see her behind your back.
plainjane314 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 ""post she makes about the weather to which she immediately tags him saying how she misses him to which he replies that he misses her too and that he'll see her soon he's sure of it to which she replies that she hopes so. "" Maybe I'm crazy but that's inappropriate. It would raise questions for me as well. Why does she feel comfortable tagging an old flame in a post? Does she know he's dating you? And for him to say he'll see her soon is also questionable. To be in contact with an old flame isn't cool... he shouldn't have responded to that post at all. It's good that he apologized but he already knew you had an issue with them seeing each other and honestly I understand why, however he still told this girl that he'd see her when he told you he wouldn't just prior to that occurrence. It gives me the vibe that he might see her behind your back. He thinks the problem is lack of trust from my side. Ive tried to explain to him that what I dont trust is if he tells me one thing and then I see him saying something completely different to someone else. Someone that we have had a lot of discussion/ arguments about already. I'd hate to think of him doing that especially when I have to question where he thinks he would see her- at her work? Her strip club? Extremely frustrated.
Wiseman2 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 He doesn't want you controlling his friendships or choosing his friends, he's rebelling, but in a passive-aggressive way. When you loosen this social media scanning leash it will make you feel better and more secure. Start making the relationship about the two of you not social media or her.Here he tells me about the girls comment and asked me how I would feel if they hung out to which I brutally told him I would be ***ing pissed at him. By the end of the night he tells me that if a friendship with her was going to strain our relationship it wasn't worth it. his excuse being that he is being polite and that he has no intention of actually seeing her
SooSad33 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 This doesn't seem right at all. Both of his comments towards HER are wrong.,,, very questionable, IMO. She missed him.. and he replies he misses her too & will see her soon? ( If it's NO big deal.. you think he'd EXPLAIN a little more about all of this..?)
plainjane314 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 He doesn't want you controlling his friendships or choosing his friends, he's rebelling, but in a passive-aggressive way. When you loosen this social media scanning leash it will make you feel better and more secure. Start making the relationship about the two of you not social media or her. I started to do this when he came back but somehow she keeps being brought up between us. I just don't want to think about him being two faced about something like this because who knows how he would be when it came to the stuff that were actually important to us as a couple.
plainjane314 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 This doesn't seem right at all. Both of his comments towards HER are wrong.,,, very questionable, IMO. She missed him.. and he replies he misses her too & will see her soon? ( If it's NO big deal.. you think he'd EXPLAIN a little more about all of this..?) He's told me time and time again about their history and his story has been consistent both while he has been sober and after having a bit to drink. He even recognized that replying in the first place was wrong because it prompted her to respond and form an exchange that him and I ended up having an argument about. I'm just feeling very wary as to what he'll tell me the next time, if there is a next time.
plainjane314 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 He's probably just being polite and telling you what you want to hear too. He sounds like he's very courteous to all. That's little comfort lol
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