Help. Im so confused

[nairb79]

I've been in a situation for several years now which I just cant seem to get myself out of. Any help would be appreciated.

 

I'm 37 and have never been in a relationship. I have a real lack of confidence and therefore really struggled to approach woman. About 7 years ago I met this woman at work, she had a boyfriend at the time, and we connected really well and to cut a long story short I fell for her big time. I kept my feelings to myself. She would always ring me to chat and we'd have lunch together a couple of times a week , and the occasional dinner. She would always tell me about her work issues and relationship problems and eventually told me that she had split up with her boyfriend. I still kept my feelings towards her quiet until it got to a point where I just had to tell her. She was upset and said she didn't feel the same way and that we could no longer be friends. We still worked at the same place but in different offices. We didn't speak for around 6 months apart from the occiasonal professional work related calls until one day she visited the shop and we started talking again. She said she missed talking to me and meeting up etc.

 

We became really good friends again, and I thought I could bury my feelings for her. We would buy each other birthday and christmas presents and meet up far more often than before.

 

She got back with her boyfriend and just before christmas broke the news that she was pregnant and that she would be moving cities as thats where her boyfriend had just bought a business to run. She never ended up moving up there and they broke up again shortly after their child was born. She then moved house to 5 mins away from where I live and we would talk and see each other 4/5 days a week, and I would go and help her whenever she asked.

 

She rang me yesterday to tell me she was thinking of getting back with her boyfriend and wanted my opinion.

 

I have felt for ages that she is using me and has just kept me around because she knows I like her but because of my feelings I cant seem to ever say no to her and cant ignore her calls /texts requests etc

how do I get myself out of this endless cycle... Ive tried and failed on several occiasions to go no contact. I dont even ring her or text her now but when she rings me I always answer.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but this is classic freindzoning treating you like a male-girlfriend. Agree she's taking advantage of the fact that you are into her and using you. You need to cut off the friendship and especially the "male dating coach" thing.

 

Get on dating apps and browse for who's out there and meet some women for coffee. This sounds like torture.

I still kept my feelings towards her quiet until it got to a point where I just had to tell her. She was upset and said she didn't feel the same way and that we could no longer be friends. She rang me yesterday to tell me she was thinking of getting back with her boyfriend and wanted my opinion.

[Betterwithout]

Geez..The next thing she'll have you doing is babysitting their child when she wants to go on a date with some other dude. This is beyond normal friend behaviour.

The best way out of this relationship is to begin a new one. Go online for dating, or join a club, explore your interests. Maybe a new relationship with someone who can reciprocate the feelings is what you are after most.

 

As for your shyness with women, there are many online resources to help you approach and succeed with women. Still a great way to meet them is exploring your interests and finding like minded women.