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Candiefloss

By Candiefloss
in Dating Advice

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Candiefloss Newbie

Candiefloss

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Hi guys,

 

I am a French woman of 34 and I recently met a guy online. He is 39 and moving from the countryside to the city. We spoke on the phone for a good 10 days before we met and he took his profile down 2 days after we started talking although I didn't ask for anything. I only found out when I went on the site and when I asked him he said he wanted to meet me and focus on one person at a time, which I found admirable and very respectful. We talked a few times a day every day and met up on Friday evening. We have a great connection and we have similar goals and values although we have different hobbies or interests. We had a great time together and talked a lot about life and different things. He talked about being in a serious relationship and it felt very natural with him. He said he really liked me and fancied me. It normally feels like guys are dating around but he knows what he wants and said he wanted to give us a real chance rather than look around. I know it is early days still but he seems genuine and it is the kind of approach I want as I have been messed about too many times by guys who don't know what they want and change their minds often. He has 2 girls from a previous relationship and he is a very frustrated dad as he doesn't see his daughters very often. Hadn't seen them since Christmas and he is seeing them this week as they are on holiday. He doesn't have a good relationship with his ex and things seem to be tough for him, which I totally understand. He talked a lot about them and was truly excited to see them on Saturday when he left. He was sad to leave me and expressed his sadness but said we would see each other soon anyway. I heard from him on Saturday evening after his 2 hour drive home to say he got back ok but then I have had no news since Saturday everning and I am going mad. He normally texts or calls everyday and I know he has his girls and we are just starting out but it's like I do not exist anymore or I am not so important. I understand his girls are a priority but a short text or a quick phone call should be ok?? I texted about 5 times over 2 days and tried to call him early morning and late at night when the girls might still be asleep but I have had no answer yet. My texts have been very nice asking about the girls etc. I am going mad as I fear he is like the others and will just disappear without a word (which is what normally happens when I meet a guy I like online). I also worry that maybe I send one text too much, maybe I put him off or maybe he's changed his mind. I am not sure what else to do right now...I know you will tell me to wait and see but I imagine the worst and I imagine I will never hear from me and although I am at work or busy, I am checking my phone all the time and worrying about all this.

What do you think? Thanks a lot for your support.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Is he still married? Have you googled him? Since you've tried several times to contact him with no response, wait until you hear from him.

We talked a few times a day every day and met up on Friday evening. I heard from him on Saturday evening after his 2 hour drive home to say he got back ok but then I have had no news since Saturday everning and I am going mad. I texted about 5 times over 2 days but I have had no answer yet.
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RainyCoast Veteran

RainyCoast

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No, he is not married at all and he's a new guy, different from the one in November. So you don't think him focusing on being with his girls and not replying is normal?

i think you move way too fast and it makes them have second thoughts.

 

if i kept receiving texts or calls from someone before i even replied to the last one, i would think they are pushy, desperate, or just all kinds of overeager.

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angrythoughts Enthusiast

angrythoughts

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"" I texted about 5 times over 2 days and tried to call him early morning and late at night when the girls might still be asleep but I have had no answer yet.""

 

You shouldn't have sent multiple texts. It comes off as needy. You'll have no other choice but to wait for him to respond. In the meantime do not send anymore messages! Or calls!

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DancingFool Grand Master

DancingFool

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Someone that you've barely met already pushing for an instant relationship is a huge red flag. He doesn't know you and you don't know him enough to be thinking that.

 

The fact that he doesn't get along with his ex.....could be a red flag as well. Something that you need to be keeping a careful eye on and learn a lot about without giving him an instant pass. No, it's not really understandable. It's actually much more understandable when the two people behave like grown ups, bury the hatchets and work well together as parents for the sake of the children they have.

 

Him going awol when he has his daughters.....well....again, you don't know this guy enough to judge whether this is just how he acts or whether he simply lost interest after moving in on you way too fast.... Who knows really.

 

What you should be judging is whether or not this kind of behavior is actually acceptable to you. It doesn't sound like it is. My general advice about that is that when someone shows you who they are so early on, you better believe them and move on. Men cannot mess you about if you don't allow it. Early on especially, pay careful attention that his words and actions actually match up. Don't just listen to sweet nothings and fall head over heels for that alone. Words really don't have value unless they are backed up by matching actions.

 

Also, don't ever keep texting and calling when you have no response. One time, maybe maybe a second time just in case the first message never went through. After that, you do not contact them again.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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Posted
I texted about 5 times over 2 days and tried to call him early morning and late at night when the girls might still be asleep but I have had no answer yet. My texts have been very nice asking about the girls etc. I am going mad as I fear he is like the others and will just disappear without a word (which is what normally happens when I meet a guy I like online). .

 

Candie, I don't mean to be harsh but when a guy isn't contacting you (for whatever reason).... and you do stuff like texting him five times over a two day period PLUS two phone calls within that same 2 day period, no matter how "nice" your texts are, you are gonna come across as overly needy, clingy, desperate, and perhaps even a bit psycho (sorry

 

And yeah that behavior will drive any self-respecting guy running for hills (as they say), so if this is your typical MO, I am not surprised so many men have disappeared (permanently) on you.

 

So going forward, pls do not ever do that again.

 

Also, don't ever keep texting and calling when you have no response. One time, maybe maybe a second time just in case the first message never went through. After that, you do not contact them again.

 

This^ is good advice and what I tend to do assuming I really really dig a guy. But no more than two texts tops.

 

I don't know what's going on with this guy, but it sounds like it may have been the ole "too much, too soon" syndrome.

 

It's very easy to get caught up in that (especially OLD), so going forward, be cautious about that.

 

Anyway, my advice would be to lay low, do your own thing, live your life, date other guys. IF he ever contacts you again, see how you feel then.

 

Honestly, you may not even care that much anymore at that point.

 

Remember, although you texted for ten days prior (and apparently "connected"), you only met him in person one time. Important to keep that perspective.

 

If you never hear back, okay to be disappointed, that's life... but not to the point that you're obsessing about it or allowing it to affect you all that much.

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Candiefloss Newbie

Candiefloss

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Thank you so much for all your replies. I don't really think I am needy but I do hate to be ignored and I find it disrespectful. I'd rather someone who says they are not interested anymore than indifference. Then I know where I stand. I guess I push for an answer when I get ignored hence the many messages. I do not like playing games and I wish for a simple and honest relationship where I do not have to ask myself any questions. When we met, it felt simple and clear and he was the one chasing me before then as to be honest, I was not sure I liked him yet. But then we met and it seems it shifted although I got the impression he liked me just as much. The thing about his daughters is worrying me though, he did talk A LOT about his issues and the way he feels about them and I feel he may just be overwhelmed with everything when they are around. I don't have children and I am not in his situation BUT I am trying to understand while feeling annoyed that I have had no news. And how will I feel if he does get back in touch when they are gone and he is feeling sad? I don't want to be here just as a distraction or to hear his problems. This week, I've had a car accident, one of my friends laid off from the company I work for and some family issues but I have not been able to share that with him as he has not enquired about my well-being. Yet, I have listened to him a lot in the past 2 weeks...I also want someone to support me...

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