I just got rejected by my best friend

[Woah93]

I have known this girl for 5 years and we became very close over the years, she stood by me in my darkest moments, and I did the same for her. I got strong feelings for her the last year, and I decided to tell her.

Turns out, she says she always thought we would have found each-other, that we would be a great couple and that it was always me for her but when she felt romantic feelings for me she thought she was firmly in the friendzone and she killed it. The next day we continued the conversation and she seemed more cold, and she says there that while the feelings are there, she has repressed them for a long time now and she doesn't want to do anything with them anymore because she made a 'promise' to commit to someone else that she has a 'mental connection' with... Now she has recently opened her heart to someone else and decided to commit, and they both like each-other. It just breaks my heart so much, I don't know how I could have misinterpreted this situation to this extent, and I don't understand why she just throws all of it away, I just wanted to tell her that I thought she made a big mistake but all I could say was I hope he makes you happy...

 

I am utterly devastated and destroyed. My life feels empty now and I'm all alone, I don't have anyone I am really close to, not like I was with her, and when we were having the 'goodbye' talk I just couldn't do it cause the friendship means too much to me, but the thought of her going for it with someone else is consuming me inside. I used to be able to talk to her about anything, but in this case it seems like there is nothing that would help, I want to believe that she could still change her mind, I want to believe that this isn't final, but she has been nothing but honest with me. I just can't squash that hope for some reason, that she will realize and change her mind and that scares me, because I've been there before and it is emotional torture to love someone in that way who doesn't return it.

 

I am torn between a rock and a hard place, I can stay friends with her at the risk that it may be emotional suicide. I know I wouldn't be able to give up hope for her still changing her mind or something and that would hurt me over and over again, but I just can't cut her out of my life either, cause we shared so much and it is beyond just a romantic connection. I always felt like we were a team and now she is in a team with someone else and it's killing me. It's now gotten to the point where this is just something I can't cope with right now, I want to go to sleep and never wake up again.... I feel a burning in my heart from the moment I wake up, until I go to sleep. I know that she still has at least some feelings for me still but she has already decided to forever repress it she told me. She is trying to be there for me, but I'm just falling apart inside and I don't know what to do.... She said I should kill my feelings, but I can't do that I think.

 

I have no one near me in my life, I am barely coping with severe depression, she was the one thing in my day I could look forward to having conversations with, playing videogames and just talk, someone I could express whatever to, and I felt like at least I have this one person who stuck by me, and as we grew closer I really thought she was at the same place I was in our connection.

 

Now I never felt more alone and abandoned, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I have no interest in anything anymore, and it's like you can see right through me, I have lost myself and I don't know what to do... The only time I feel at peace is when I sleep so I try to sleep for as long as possible but I can't keep this up for much longer, I'm starting to think about suicide... it seems like there is no way out

[mike7788]

Hey Woah93,

 

I'm Mike.

 

Let me start by saying, there is always hope.

 

Secondly, i'd like to commend you on going for it with your best friend. It's hard to find courage to express ones-self emotionally and put yourself into such a vulnerable spot.

 

Even though it did not go your way, and it hurts, it helped you grow as a person.

 

 

Now, in terms of your best friend, you have to weigh on what is most important to you.

I'm sure you love her, and don't want to lose her friendship.

I think talking to her while she is romantically involved will hurt, but will it hurt more to lose her completely.

Gauge what is most important to you.

 

 

 

In terms of the thoughts you're having,

There are plenty of people out there willing to help, this site being one of them, and other places such as and hotlines all over the world.

I'm on this site often, and will always accept a PM if you're feeling down or just need a friend to talk to. I can be your friend mate.

I've been in your shoes, I know what it's like, but there are always solutions.

[Woah93]

I'm right there in the middle, if I stay I will continue to have these hopes, I just told her goodbye, we are both devastated and it's only an hour later and I already have the urge to talk to her again and undo it. I just don't know anymore...

She has made it clear that there is no chance at all for these feelings to be said because it would be unfair to the commitment she made with the other person. That sounds fair to me, and I can't argue against that but it still hurts like hell.

[CSM101]

She still wants to be friends with you. Honestly, I've always been against dating close friends as it always mucks up the relationship if something goes wrong. I've been there... Keep your distance, since she's with somebody else, and when you're both ready, rekindle the friendship.

[Wiseman2]

To be honest her departure is a blessing. It will force you to reach out to others and expand your life. You were getting over-attached and over-invested.

 

Even spouses have other people friends family interests, activities, work, school, etc in their lives and that is healthy. What you had with her was unhealthy.

 

How old is she ? Have you met in person?

[ShatteredMan]

Per Wiseman: Many of us have made these mistakes and paid the price.

 

Get some counseling and go No Contact as soon as you can. Time and distance from her will be the key things to seeing this situation clearly and will allow you to heal your broken heart.

 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is coming. Do what you need to now so you can walk into that light and embrace how wonderful your life is without the emotional chains you're wearing right now....

[Woah93]

We had another talk, and decided to not go no contact. 'it can't be like this' she said... and I felt like it was a mistake too... I'm just not sure if I am committing emotional suicide by doing this, but I rather have her in my life in some way than not at all...

She also said she has started questioning everything again and is currently really confused about her own feelings about it all, I feel like I should've never told her how I felt, now it's such a mess...

[ShatteredMan]

No contact would give you the time and distance that you need to get over this.

[Woah93]

Good news, we had the talk, even though letting someone else down was going to be really hard, the feelings between us are mutual and we both decided it was too special to throw away, and we decided to give it a go for realz What a turn around, I guess it's possible to leave the friendzone