NC Progress - My POV and taking the next Step

[MindLESS]

Hello All,

 

I posted this specifically in this forum category for several reason. I do have possible aspirations of reconciliation with my ex-girlfriend, but I still play with the idea of just moving on completely and not looking back. My gut tells me that If I stay the course and continue to improve myself and becoming the best man that I can be, then I am only maximizing the possibility for reconciliation occur in the future. I am doing this for myself, she just so happened to be the catalyst to which several realizations and epiphanies I had with myself to understand that I need to be better.

Heres where I stand with a little background:

We were only together for about 5 months. However, we had one of those connections that was extremely deep and down to the soul. She recognizes this and so do I. We began to have problems midway through the relationship which I believe were derived from issues that have occurred in our past and in our current work and social lives. We had a tendency to let our frustrations build up and then we would argue and fight. Most of the time these incidents ended with both of us realizing how stupid it all was, but knew there was something wrong under the surface. We worked on things, and tried to make things work all the way up to the sad abrupt ending. I did my analyzing of the situation, and I am confident that it's not that we are incompatible, but the timing of so many aspects of our lives were just not right. We are both in our mid 20's and have/had a lot of growing up to do. The only thing I ever become sad about is not knowing what I know now when we were having problems. But, i've also learned to let things go and live in the moment.

 

It all ended one night when I embarrassed her around her friends one night.. I don't want to go into specifics, but it hurt her. The next night she broke up with me.. I broke down, desperate, cried, asked for another chance and she refused to budge. I know now none of this helped my cause. The next two weeks were awful, she checked in once a day for the first few days until I just stopped responding and began my own form of NC. She texted me two weeks later that she hoped I was doing well and that she wasn't going to disappear out my life. I didn't respond.. Three days later she posted something on facebook that really tugged on my heartstrings and I broke, texted her and asked her to meet, which she happily agreed to.. We met and talked for a good 4-5 hours, we talked about everything, very emotional. She gave me the impression that she wanted to be with me, but not at that moment. I agreed and said we should take some time apart and if we were going to talk, we would write each other via mail. That whole ordeal that night ended very well and she made feel as if there was a great deal of hope for the relationship. I know regret doing this as I let her off the hook of the immediate emotions post break up. Oh well. I wrote her once, it was emotional, but I told her that I was going to do everything I could to make the changes and that only way for me to prove that to her was to show her. She texted me a few weeks later telling me that she received and was sending a letter back and wanted to know where to send the letter and that it was important to her that I get it. I waited 2 weeks to get the letter.. it never came.. ouch.. I contacted her around new years asking her what was going on. She responded very coldly and said that she never sent the letter and said it would do more hurt than good. I was more upset about the fact that she told me she wanted me to get the letter, then ended up never sent it... really confusing... she told me that I should move on for the time being and date other people.. OUCH.. She said it was too soon and the changes that she wanted from me werent going to happen in just 1 or 2 months so she was moving on "for now" but was open to the possibility of something in the future if we were both in good places and things "felt right".... which is so completely and utterly ambiguous that it drove me nuts at that time... She was very cold and said alot of things that I believe were just meant to push me away for her to gain space. But regardless, it still hurt alot. She wanted to remain in communication and keep up in each others lives.. I said No and that a period of silence was what I wanted, I gave her no indication of duration. She was annoyed by this initially but then she said something else that bothered me.. that "Yes, to give this the best opportunity for success in the future"... just gave me more hope and didn't help me with the moving on process....

 

So the NC began immediately on Jan 6th.. and I have not spoke with her since in any capacity. I removed any social media relations with her, unsubscribing to her facebook page and just outright deleting instagram. about 2 weeks ago I went to her instagram page to test myself to see if I was emotionally Ok, I wasn't, so back to to complete NC..

 

I don't expect her to reach out to me as this was my idea, and she is a strong but stubborn woman who isn't going to break I do not believe.. but who knows I guess.

 

I certainly havent been sitting around just waiting.. I've been taking this time to improve every single aspect of my life.. work, social, home life.. and have began to understand what I need to do to become a better man in all respects..

 

I have debated reaching out to her on several occasions to reconnect.. but I'm very hesitant for all sorts of reasons.. so I have just maintained the silence... for the time being..

 

Does anyone here have any advice? Or have I already answered that myself... I realize that there are sooooo many ways to look at this.

I am now in week 6 of NC. If I can provide any clarity to certain situations, please ask me and I will gladly elaborate.. Thank you all

[J Miracle]

Partner, I think she's found somebody else she fancies. just an observation; but she abruptly changed course and decided against the letter, she told you she's moving on, and advised you to do the same, New Guy Alert if you ask me.

 

After 5 months, especially not living together, a connection can only be so deep. Not to say it wasn't powerful, I'm sure it was. But reconnecting with her sounds like trouble. The longer you go NC in this situation, the better your chances are of recovering soon. Don't beg, it's bad form and unattractive. Be confident, independent and strong. That's attractive. If those qualities don't regain her interest, they will gain another girls interest. Win win.

[MindLESS]

Partner, I think she's found somebody else she fancies. just an observation; but she abruptly changed course and decided against the letter, she told you she's moving on, and advised you to do the same, New Guy Alert if you ask me.

 

After 5 months, especially not living together, a connection can only be so deep. Not to say it wasn't powerful, I'm sure it was. But reconnecting with her sounds like trouble. The longer you go NC in this situation, the better your chances are of recovering soon. Don't beg, it's bad form and unattractive. Be confident, independent and strong. That's attractive. If those qualities don't regain her interest, they will gain another girls interest. Win win.

 

I disagree about her having found a new person.. we explicitly talked about this in our most recent discussion. I asked her that exact question because I too was suspicious.. She said no and that it was not a priority for her at this time. I'm confident that she would not blatantly lie to me about this.

[MindLESS]

To be honest. I have no clue where she's at... Who's she's doing stuff with.. ect.. I just know her as a person.. and know what she told me..

[MickeyMoo]

I feel like we are in similar boats, all i can do is wish you luck and I hope you get what you want even if you decide to move on

[Thorto]

Pretty much the same story here, only diference being we were 5 years together. I went NC from day 1. sent a letter after 24 days through a colleague. I said i accepted her decision, didnt judge or blame her, apologised for dismissing her ofert to remain friends and explained i went silent to try and heal/learn to live and be happy by myself. Told her to let me know when shes ready to catch up.

 

When i got home from the gym i received a very positive message from her (was certain she wouldnt reply). She said she misses me, understands why i didnt contact her, said she did the same because it's been hard for her. She doesnt feel ready to catch up yet but hopes to speak and even meet me soon.There was a PS telling me to watch the new stranger things teaser.

 

I replyed, told her i saw the teaser and that it remind of us watching the hole season together in one cold night, finished saying it brought i smile to my face.

 

Now, just like you, i'm stuck thinking weather to reach out or let it be.

[MindLESS]

Pretty much the same story here, only diference being we were 5 years together. I went NC from day 1. sent a letter after 24 days through a colleague. I said i accepted her decision, didnt judge or blame her, apologised for dismissing her ofert to remain friends and explained i went silent to try and heal/learn to live and be happy by myself. Told her to let me know when shes ready to catch up.

 

When i got home from the gym i received a very positive message from her (was certain she wouldnt reply). She said she misses me, understands why i didnt contact her, said she did the same because it's been hard for her. She doesnt feel ready to catch up yet but hopes to speak and even meet me soon.There was a PS telling me to watch the new stranger things teaser.

 

I replyed, told her i saw the teaser and that it remind of us watching the hole season together in one cold night, finished saying it brought i smile to my face.

 

Now, just like you, i'm stuck thinking weather to reach out or let it be.

 

Yeah Dude. I feel ya here. I've had days where I'm like it's time to just move on completely and not look back at all to days where I contemplate reaching out. It's all apart of the healing process and emotional triggers and all that.

 

Her Grandfather just passed away and he had been very sick during the time that we were together so I didn't want to stay silent over our differences. I sent her and her sister a card in the mail with my condolences. Other than cases of emergency/life situations... I normally have no urge to reach out...on days I do get the urge, I'm uber hesitant and try my best to stay centered and focused on my life rather than worry about something that is so up in the air and ambiguous. Which makes me think that I should just remain silent and let her reach out to me if she wants.

[Thorto]

Yeah Dude. I feel ya here. I've had days where I'm like it's time to just move on completely and not look back at all to days where I contemplate reaching out. It's all apart of the healing process and emotional triggers and all that.

 

Her Grandfather just passed away and he had been very sick during the time that we were together so I didn't want to stay silent over our differences. I sent her and her sister a card in the mail with my condolences. Other than cases of emergency/life situations... I normally have no urge to reach out...on days I do get the urge, I'm uber hesitant and try my best to stay centered and focused on my life rather than worry about something that is so up in the air and ambiguous. Which makes me think that I should just remain silent and let her reach out to me if she wants.

 

I'm also sticking to NC, pretty sure she won't reach out anytime soon. Maybe 3~6 months down the line she may get in touch, but I'm trying to let go of hope for now. I feel like the letter made it clear that we are in good terms and now it's up to her.