Weird Behavior By My Ex

[minosobie]

Hey all,

 

Had a few bizarre encounters with my ex recently and wondering what y'all think. Brief back story: we dated six months ago for about six months, very good relationship, no fights or drama. He broke up with me when he found out his previous ex had moved on saying he still had feelings for him. They did not get back together. It was devastating for me and though I am still in love with him, I've moved on for the most part. We will run into each other every couple months. It's always friendly but I never initiate contact.

 

Recently, he's popping up more and more. Back in December, I found out we were both pursuing the same guy. I backed out of the situation and they had a brief fling. I learned later that my ex brought the guy to a monthly gay night where he had our first kiss EXACTLY one year earlier. I didn't go but there was a big chance I would have been there. If I had, it would have been painful and awkward, which I think he knows.

 

Then about a month ago I dyed my hair and posted it on insta. He saw it and DMed me to say it looked good. A few days later, my friend (who he is NOT friends with) had a birthday party at a bar/restaurant where our mutual friend works. My ex showed up WITH A NEW DUDE! He claimed he was having dinner there, found out about the party from our friend, went to another bar, and came back. He also said "I thought you'd be here." I can't really think of a reason why he would decide to come back except for the fact that he might see me. I'm even doubtful that he "just happened" to be having dinner there. The bar posted the party on Instagram that day.

 

Finally, about a week after that I posted a shirtless pic on instagram. It's actually a really wonderful photo a pro photographer friend took. My ex texted me immediately with a screenshot of it and said "Way to step out of your comfort zone. Great pic!" He hasn't actually TEXTED me in over four months. I said "Thank you" and then he wrote that he wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings about the guy we were both interested in back in December. And then: "Nice SURPRISE seeing you the other night." **Eye Roll** I kept it cold but friendly and said "It was a little weird but not a big deal. Nice seeing you too."

 

It's all very confusing for me. Going out of his way to see me but then showing off his new boyfriend as if it's something he felt I needed to see. I've given him tons of space and no indication that I'm still hung up on him (though I am) so I don't know why he'd feel the need to rub that in my face. Then to get a text from him basically saying "You look hot!" a week after that... it just feels like A LOT of focus still on me which is weird b/c I've been thinking he really didn't give a f*ck.

 

I have been staying friendly but cold, never letting him see that it's getting to me. At the same time though, I have felt the need to call him out on this. It's felt almost invasive and disrespectful to my own need for space. When I've dumped people in the past, I've made sure we're on good terms and then I leave them alone, never giving them any indication that I might still have feelings. But he's doing things he knows I'm going to read into but they're all contradictory. I can't tell if he's just awkwardly trying to be friends or if he's trying to keep me hanging on in some way.

 

How do I deal with this dude?

[Hollyj]

Why don't you just block him? Seems easier to me.

[Hollyj]

Don't understand why you still feel the need to interact with this guy:

 

"Anyway- enough ranting. The moral of the story is that I finally see how unstable this guy is and how if it hadn't been what happened a few months ago, it would have been something else, maybe something much worse that broke us up. He's all about satisfying whatever needs he has in the moment and has no real sense of himself or how his actions influence other people. I mean, he dumped me to try and get is ex back, who already had a new boyfriend, with no consideration for the fact that he was trying to destroy his ex's newfound happiness. He's just a lost, emotionally unstable, narcissist."

[minosobie]

I've unfollowed him on Insta. I did not unfriend him on Facebook but unfollowed. I guess to un-friend or block his phone number seems a little dramatic. The break-up was hard on me but aside from that he never did anything to intentionally hurt me. To go that far I think would imply that I'm bitter and hanging onto a lot of negativity which I think would only add fuel to his presence in my life- creating drama and tension, giving my relationship with him weight and power.

[Hollyj]

No it doesn't. If you feel the need to question him about his behaviour, it's a problem, plus you still love him. I don't understand why it is do difficult for you to cut the cord? Is it an ego boost when he reaches out, or do you still want him back?

[Hollyj]

I've unfollowed him on Insta. I did not unfriend him on Facebook but unfollowed. I guess to un-friend or block his phone number seems a little dramatic. The break-up was hard on me but aside from that he never did anything to intentionally hurt me. To go that far I think would imply that I'm bitter and hanging onto a lot of negativity. Just seems childish considering the circumstances?

 

I think it's silly you don't block. Don't you think it's time to be done with this!!

[angrythoughts]

I think it's pointless to read into his behavior unless you're interested in rekindling

[minosobie]

I'm not opposed to it but I would have to be a very solid statement from him of "I wanna try again" instead of these mixed messages.